How to Convince Your Partner to Try Couples Therapy
Thursday, February 13, 2025.
Convincing your partner to try couples therapy can feel like selling kale to a kid—it’s good for them, but they’re not buying it.
The good news?
Research says therapy works (Doss et al., 2009).
The bad news? Your partner might think it’s a trap.
So, how do you make the pitch without starting another argument?
Step 1: Lead with Curiosity, Not Accusation
As Dr. John Gottman (1999) says, “Behind every complaint is a deep personal longing.” Instead of, “We need therapy,” try, “What if we could understand each other better?” Research shows that framing therapy as growth, not punishment, boosts openness (Halford et al., 2017).
This is psychology’s version of the old trick: don’t tell them to eat their vegetables, make them believe they’re choosing it themselves.
Step 2: Share the Science (Because, Facts are Wicked Cool)
Data doesn’t argue, and therapy isn’t just for the emotionally indulgent.
In fact, couples who engage in therapy improve relationship satisfaction by 70% (Lebow et al., 2012).
And before your partner insists that “we’re not that bad,” consider that waiting too long reduces effectiveness—early intervention is key (Johnson et al., 2019).
Like fixing a leaky faucet, it’s cheaper and easier when you do it before the kitchen floods. Therapy isn’t about disaster control; it’s about disaster prevention.
Step 3: Make It a Team Effort
Say, “I want us to get stronger together,” not, “You need fixing.”
You need to know that Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) has a 75% success rate because it fosters mutual understanding (Johnson, 2004).
Successful therapy isn’t about one person blaming the other but about both partners learning how to listen and respond better. If you sell it as a "we" thing rather than a "you" thing, your partner might be more willing to sign on the dotted line.
Step 4: Address Fears Head-On
Here’s the part where objections start rolling in. Be ready.
“Therapy is expensive.” Sure, but divorce costs more—emotionally and financially (Markman et al., 2010). Therapy is an investment, not an expense.
“It’ll be awkward.” Yep. So is fighting about the same thing for five years straight.
“The therapist will take sides.” A good therapist, per Snyder et al. (2018), is a referee, not a judge. They’re not there to decide who’s right; they’re there to make sure you both still want to be on the same team.
Step 5: Start Small
Propose a trial session.
According to Christensen et al. (2020), even one session can reduce tension and spark hope.
Think of it like test-driving a car: nobody’s making a lifetime commitment just yet.
If your partner still isn’t convinced, suggest reading a book about relationships together (Gottman & Silver, 2015) or watching a TED Talk. The point isn’t to drag them in kicking and screaming—it’s to introduce the idea as something that might make both of your lives better.
Step 6: The Long Game—Plant the Seed and Step Back
If they still resist, don’t force it.
Pressure breeds resistance.
Instead, plant the idea and let it simmer. Research suggests that resistance to therapy often decreases over time when partners feel less cornered (Halford et al., 2017). Drop it, then revisit later.
Final Thought: Therapy Isn’t a Defeat, It’s a Love Language
Gottman (2015) reminds us that strong relationships are built on “small things, often.”
Therapy is one of those small things—like flossing, but for your heart.
So, invite your partner to try it—not because you’re failing, but because you’re worth thriving.
And if they still refuse, just keep being the best partner you can be. Who knows? They might just surprise you.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Christensen, A., et al. (2020). Couple therapy and outcomes: A longitudinal study. Journal of Family Psychology, 34(1), 67–76.
Doss, B. D., et al. (2009). The effectiveness of couples therapy: A meta-analysis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 77(5), 723–734.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony.
Halford, W. K., et al. (2017). Couples and relationship education in practice. Springer.
Johnson, S. M. (2004). The practice of emotionally focused couple therapy: Creating connection. Routledge.
Johnson, S. M., et al. (2019). Timing matters in couple therapy outcomes. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 45(2), 203–217.
Lebow, J., et al. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), 145–168.
Markman, H. J., et al. (2010). Preventing marital distress through communication training. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 78(5), 744–752.
Snyder, D. K., et al. (2018). Couple-based interventions for military and veteran families: A practitioner’s guide. Oxford University Press.