6 crucial things you must know about dating while separated
Wednesday, May 29, 2024.
Dating while separated raises intricate issues, blending legal constraints with emotional complexities. As a couples therapist, understanding these nuances is vital in guiding folks through this challenging period.
Understanding Separation Dynamics
Separation, as P.R. Amato describes, is a "socially ambiguous status—not quite married, not quite divorced" (2010). This limbo state carries legal implications despite the lack of a finalized divorce. Recognizing the different types of separation can provide clarity:
Trial or "Ambiguous" Separation
Couples use this period to reflect on their relationship while living separately.
It offers an opportunity for introspection and decision-making regarding the future of the relationship.
Permanent Separation
Couples live apart permanently without seeking reconciliation or legal divorce.
Property rights and financial responsibilities may shift during this period.
Legal Separation
Initiated through legal channels, this form of separation is distinct from divorce.
It involves court orders regarding alimony, property division, and child custody, resembling a divorce decree.
Emotional Readiness for Dating
Before considering dating, individuals must assess their emotional readiness. Signs indicating readiness include:
Resolving lingering romantic feelings for the spouse.
Successfully navigating the most challenging aspects of the separation.
Receiving support from children, if applicable, for moving forward.
Risks and Considerations
Dating during separation presents risks, particularly in the context of a potential divorce:
Legal ramifications vary by state, with some allowing lawsuits for alienation of affection.
Dating can influence child custody arrangements and financial support.
It may impact the division of assets and liabilities in divorce proceedings.
Dating Your Spouse During Separation
For some couples, dating each other during separation can offer a path to reconciliation:
It provides an opportunity to rebuild emotional connections.
Participating in family events together can create a supportive environment for reconciliation.
Tips for Dating While Separated
Emotional availability is key; avoid dating if you're still ambivalent or emotionally entangled with your spouse.
Prioritize self-discovery and personal growth before pursuing new relationships.
Be honest with yourself, your spouse, and potential partners about your situation.
Involve children in the discussion, considering their feelings and needs in the process.
Final thoughts
Dating while separated is a deeply personal journey that requires careful consideration. Whether it leads to reconciliation or divorce, understanding the implications and seeking support, such as couples therapy, can help individuals navigate this complex terrain with clarity and compassion.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
Research:
Amato, P. R. (2010). Research on divorce: Continuing trends and new developments. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72, 650–666. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741=3737
Sherry Amatenstein, LCSW, writing for SheKnows, The dos and don’ts of dating when you’re separated but not divorced http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/1105393/dating-when-youre-separated-but-not-divorced
Sherry Amatenstein, LCSW, writing for SheKnows, The dos and don’ts of dating when you’re separated but not divorced http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/1105393/dating-when-youre-separated-but-not-divorced
Beverly Bird, writing for LegalZoom. Found athttp://info.legalzoom.com/can-married-men-legally-separated-date-committing-adultery-21168.html
Binstock, G., & Thornton, A. (2003). Separations, reconciliations, and living apart in cohabiting and marital unions. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 65, 432–443. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741‐3737.2003.00432.x.
Antonio Borrello, writing for the Huffington Post, 6 Warning Signs That You Are Still Hung Up on Your Exhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/antonio-borrello-phd/6-warning-signs-that-you-_b_7979722.html
Eileen Coen, J.D., Five Tips for Dating During Separation. Found at http://www.ecmediation.com/five-tips-for-dating-during-separation/
Doherty, W. J., Willoughby, B. J., & Peterson, B. (2011). Interest in marital reconciliation among divorcing parents. Family Court Review, 49, 313–321. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1744‐1617.2011.01373.x.
FreeAdvice Legal: Dating During Divorce or Separation. Found at https://family-law.freeadvice.com/family-law/divorce_law/dating-while-divorcing.htm
Kitson, G. C. (1985). Marital discord and marital separation: A county survey. Journal of Marriage and Family, 47, 693–700. https://doi.org/10.2307/3552270.
Vennum, A., Lindstrom, R., Monk, J. K., & Adams, R. (2014). “It’s complicated”: The continuity and correlates of cycling in cohabiting and marital relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 31, 410–430. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407513501987.
Wineberg, H., & McCarthy, J. (1994). Separation and reconciliation in American marriages. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 20, 21–42. https://doi.org/10.1300/J087v20n01_02.
