Why Women Cheat 2024

Wednesday, August 21, 2024.

Ever wondered why some women stray from their relationships? Spoiler alert: it’s not all about bad boys and revenge.

A recent study published in Evolution and Human Behavior offers some intriguing insights into the complex motivations behind female infidelity.

And as a couples therapist, I can’t resist diving into this fascinating mix of evolutionary psychology and relationship drama.

The Good Genes vs. Good Dads Dilemma

First up, the study reveals that women who cheat often find their affair partners more physically attractive (hello, six-pack abs!) but still view their primary partners as better co-parents. This isn’t just about bad boys and dad bods, though.

According to the researchers, some women might be trying to snag those “good genes” for their offspring while relying on their primary partners for parenting support. It’s like shopping at two different stores—one for the fancy genetics and the other for the reliable parenting essentials.

But before you start labeling every woman who cheats as a gene-hunting mastermind, hold up. The study also highlights other motivations, like relationship dissatisfaction, the desire for variety, and yes, good old-fashioned revenge.

Evolutionary Psychology: It’s Not Just for Men Anymore

Traditionally, infidelity in men has been explained as an evolutionary strategy to spread their DNA far and wide. You know, the classic “sow your wild oats” approach.

But when it comes to women, the situation is a bit more nuanced.

Women don’t gain the same reproductive benefits from having multiple mates—after all, they’re limited by the number of pregnancies they can have, not the number of partners. So why do some women cheat?

Enter the mate-switching hypothesis and the dual-mating strategy.

The mate-switching hypothesis suggests that women might cheat to find a better long-term partner.

Think of it as testing out a new model before trading in the old one.

Meanwhile, the dual-mating strategy posits that women might seek out genetically superior affair partners while keeping their primary partners around for their stellar parenting skills. It’s the ultimate “have your cake and eat it too” scenario.

Survey Says: Infidelity Is More Complicated Than You Think

To dig deeper, the researchers surveyed 254 heterosexual men and women who had engaged in infidelity, gathering data from 19 countries. They measured three main components of attraction—physical, personal, and parental—towards both affair partners and primary partners. Unsurprisingly, women rated their affair partners as more physically attractive but less suitable as co-parents. (Apparently, washboard abs don’t guarantee great bedtime stories.)

But here’s the twist: contrary to the mate-switching hypothesis, women didn’t see their affair partners as better long-term mates. They weren’t looking to upgrade; they were just, well...shopping for different qualities. It’s like keeping your trusty old car for road trips while renting a sports car for a weekend joyride.

Interestingly, men exhibited similar patterns in their infidelity behavior. They, too, were drawn to physically attractive affair partners while valuing their primary partners for parental investment. It turns out, men are just as strategic (and possibly just as conflicted) when it comes to infidelity.

The Many Motivations Behind Infidelity

So, why do people cheat?

The study’s qualitative data shed light on several motivations, and let’s just say, it’s not all about genes and parenting.

Some women (and men) mentioned being physically attracted to their affair partners and wanting to experience being with someone more attractive. Others were driven by boredom, dissatisfaction in their relationships, or a desire for variety. In other words, sometimes it’s about spicing things up—or just finding something new on the menu.

Revenge was also a common theme, particularly among women.

Discovering a partner’s infidelity often led to a “tit for tat” response, as some sought to even the score. (Not the healthiest way to handle conflict, but hey, emotions are complicated.)

Some participants were motivated by a desire to validate their attractiveness, seeking reassurance that they were still desirable in the eyes of others. And for a few, infidelity was about securing additional resources or support, particularly in situations where their primary partner’s investment wasn’t enough.

The Big Takeaway: Infidelity Is Natural, But That Doesn’t Make It Right

So, what’s the bottom line?

According to study author Macken Murphy, infidelity serves various evolutionary purposes—whether it’s securing better genes, finding a new partner, or simply seeking out additional resources. But just because cheating has an evolutionary explanation doesn’t mean it’s okay. As Murphy wisely points out, “Humans evolved to cheat, but that doesn’t mean we should—and most people don’t.”

Perhaps we evolved to have to manage the cheating impulse. That might be another, less disparaging frame. I’m a fan of man.

And while this study offers some fascinating insights, it’s important to remember that not all women (or men) cheat. Plus, the study relied on self-reported data, which can be skewed by what people are willing to admit about their motivations.

So, whether you’re in a relationship or simply fascinated by the complexities of human behavior, remember this: infidelity may be part of our evolutionary history, but in modern relationships, it’s a surefire way to end up in a therapist’s office—or worse, single.

As a couples therapist, my advice? If you’re feeling dissatisfied or tempted, talk to your partner before things spiral out of control. Communication might not be as thrilling as an affair, but it’s a lot less messy—and way better for your relationship in the long run.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Murphy, M., Phillips, C. A., & Blake, K. R. (2024). Why women cheat: Testing evolutionary hypotheses for female infidelity in a multinational sample. Evolution and Human Behavior.