Why parents should think twice before telling ‘little white lies’ to Kids

Monday, June 17, 2024.

As a research and science-based marriage and family therapist, I am often asked to discuss the latest research on parenting and the impact of parental behavior on children.

Research shows that lying to children can have unintended consequences, leading to an increase in dishonest behavior from the children themselves.

The Candy Bowl Experiment

In a revealing study, researchers explored how lying affects children's honesty. The experiment involved 186 children, with half of them being told, "There’s a huge bowl of candy in the next room." The truth was that this was a fabricated story designed to encourage participation in a test of their resistance to temptation.

The actual test required the children to match audio clips with hidden character toys. One easy example was an audio clip saying, "Tickly me!" which corresponded to an Elmo toy.

However, the challenge came when a Beethoven snippet was played—definitely not a typical children's character sound. Then, the researchers "accidentally" left the room, telling the children explicitly not to peek at the toy making the sound.

The children didn't know that cameras were still recording their behavior.

The Eye-Opening Results

Among the children who were not lied to, 60% peeked at the toy, and 60% of those who peeked lied about it later. In contrast, of the children who were lied to about the candy, a whopping 80% peeked, and of those, 90% lied about peeking.

Why Do Kids Lie When Lied To?

The study suggests two main reasons:

Modeling Behavior: Children might simply be mimicking the adult's behavior.

Trust Issues: If the experimenter lies, children may feel justified in lying back.

The authors of the study noted:

"The actions of parents suggest that they do not believe that the lies they tell their children will impact the child’s own honesty. The current study casts doubt on that belief... grown-ups may have to re-examine what they say to kids. Even a ‘little white lie’ might have consequences.”

The Takeaway for Parents

This research highlights the importance of honesty in parenting. While it might seem harmless to tell a 'little white lie,' these seemingly minor falsehoods can teach children that dishonesty is acceptable.

As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I recommend fostering an environment of trust and transparency. This builds stronger relationships and models the behavior you wish to see in your children.

Remember, kids are like sponges—they absorb everything, including the behaviors and values you exhibit.

So, next time you’re tempted to tell a little white lie, think twice. Offer a teachable moment for honesty instead.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

RESEARCH:

Hays, C., & Carver, L. J. (2014). Follow the liar: The effects of adult lies on children's honesty. Developmental Science, 17(6), 977-983. https://doi.org/10.1111/desc.12171