When Dark Souls Meet: Love in the Shadows of the Dark Triad

Monday, October 21, 2024.

So, you think dating is complicated?

Try doing it with a healthy dose of Machiavellianism, a sprinkle of narcissism, and a side of psychopathy.

According to a new study published in Personality and Individual Differences, when it comes to love, those with “dark triad” traits aren’t wandering the dating world alone.

They’re finding partners with the same shadowy characteristics—actively or subconsciously—and creating relationships that redefine what it means to be “compatible.”

Assortative Mating: Why Birds of a Dark Feather Flock Together

The study sheds light on the phenomenon of assortative mating, which describes how people often end up with partners who mirror their key traits.

Usually, we think of this in terms of age, education, or hobbies (e.g., both partners enjoy weekends spent hiking or binging true crime documentaries).

But this time, the researchers wanted to see if this attraction also applies to traits that are, let’s say, less socially palatable.

Specifically, they looked at the dark triad: Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psychopathy—the traits that might make your therapist raise an eyebrow.

In layperson’s terms, assortative mating suggests that people with dark traits might not just be dating anyone—they’re specifically attracted to others with similar dispositions. This is particularly interesting when you consider the broader implications for relationship dynamics, especially in the early stages when people are usually on their best behavior.

Machiavellianism, Narcissism, and Psychopathy: A Rogue’s Gallery

Before diving deeper into the study’s results, let’s refresh our understanding of these notorious traits:

• Machiavellianism: Named after the infamous strategist Niccolò Machiavelli, this trait involves manipulation, strategic behavior, and an almost cynical view of the world. Think “puppet master” rather than “team player.” Machiavellians are all about getting what they want and often believe that the ends justify the means.

• Narcissism: While everyone loves a little validation, narcissists take it to the next level. Subclinical narcissists—those who wouldn’t necessarily be diagnosed with a full-blown personality disorder—crave admiration, see themselves as inherently superior, and tend to lack empathy for others. Sure, they might sweep you off your feet, but don’t be surprised if they’re more interested in your admiration than your feelings.

• Psychopathy: Less Hannibal Lecter, more “thrill-seeker with poor impulse control.” People with high levels of subclinical psychopathy are often charming, risk-taking, and lack empathy. They live life in the fast lane and may not pause to check if their actions hurt others along the way. In relationships, this can translate to impulsivity and a disregard for social norms—more “live fast” than “let’s settle down.”

When Love Goes Dark: A Closer Look at the Findings

To understand how these traits affect romantic relationships, the researchers conducted three studies.

They examined 104 heterosexual couples from the UK, 99 from Fiji, and conducted a meta-analysis of prior research on partner similarity for dark triad traits across cultures.

Spoiler alert: the results reveal that people high in Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psychopathy tend to pair off with like-minded partners—much more often than random chance would predict.

The findings suggest that assortative mating is alive and well, even among those with personality traits that might be less than relationship-friendly. Romantic partners in these studies showed moderate similarities in their levels of Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psychopathy.

The strongest assortative effect was found for Machiavellianism, implying that those with a knack for manipulation and strategy may particularly seek out others who share their Machiavellian mindset.

This isn’t just a case of opposites attract—more like schemers attract schemers.

Or as the researchers delicately put it, these couples are engaging in initial assortment, where they find each other and click right away based on their shared traits.

Breaking Down the Theories: Initial Assortment vs. Convergence

The study’s focus on initial assortment helps distinguish it from other explanations like convergence or social homogamy.

Convergence suggests that couples become more similar over time due to shared experiences, while social homogamy implies that similar social environments lead to partner similarities. However, the researchers found little support for these explanations.

Couples did not become more similar in their dark triad traits the longer they were together, nor did shared backgrounds (like age, education, or religious beliefs) seem to play a significant role in their personality alignment.

Instead, the findings indicate that people with dark traits are drawn to each other from the beginning. They’re not growing more alike—they’re finding someone who’s already a great match for their particular brand of charm (or cunning).

Satisfaction in the Shadows: Do Dark Traits Mean Happier Couples?

Interestingly, the research supports previous studies showing that people with high levels of dark triad traits tend to have greater relationship satisfaction when paired with partners who share their tendencies.

A study involving 205 couples found that those with matching levels of narcissism and psychopathy reported higher satisfaction than mismatched couples. It seems that when it comes to dark traits, being understood—flaws and all—can be a key ingredient for a satisfying partnership.

Dr. W. Keith Campbell, a leading expert on narcissism, notes that narcissistic couples often enjoy the initial honeymoon phase of their relationships, where their grandiosity and mutual admiration fuel a whirlwind romance.

But, as Campbell cautions, this satisfaction can be short-lived once the competition for admiration begins to create friction. “Two narcissists in a relationship may work well together initially, but the lack of empathy can make conflicts especially intense,” says Campbell.

The Trouble with Self-Reports: Why Honesty Might Be a Gray Area

Of course, no study is perfect, especially when it relies on self-reported data from people who might not be known for their honesty (looking at you, Machiavellians). Since people with high levels of dark triad traits often lack self-awareness—or choose to bend the truth—the data could be skewed.

Plus, this study was cross-sectional, meaning it took a snapshot in time, making it hard to rule out the possibility that couples who are less compatible simply didn’t make it to the survey phase.

Future research could use longitudinal designs to track changes in couples’ similarities over time and include a more diverse range of participants in terms of socioeconomic status and cultural backgrounds.

This would sorta clarify whether couples with higher dark triad similarity are more likely to stay together or break up in dramatic fashion.

Romance, But Make It Dark

Ultimately, this research gives us a fascinating glimpse into the dating dynamics of those with darker personalities.

It’s not that these folks are doomed to lonely lives—they’re reliably finding each other, often thriving in their unique way.

For them, love isn’t blind; it’s just really good at spotting kindred spirits across a crowded room. Maybe for some, a partner who shares your disdain for social niceties is exactly what the heart desires.

The study, “Assortative mating and the dark triad: Evidence from the UK, Fiji, and meta-analytic review,” was authored by Gareth Richards, Hannah Proctor, Eva Lee, Ofa Swann, Emily Jackson, John Galvin, Robin I.M. Dunbar, Simon Baron-Cohen, and Shanhong Luo. If you’re looking for love in all the dark places, you might want to give their research a read—just don’t forget to look over your shoulder.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES

Richards, G., Proctor, H., Lee, E., Swann, O., Jackson, E., Galvin, J., Dunbar, R. I. M., Baron-Cohen, S., & Luo, S. (2024). Assortative mating and the dark triad: Evidence from the UK, Fiji, and meta-analytic review. Personality and Individual Differences.

Campbell, W. K., & Miller, J. D. (2020). The new psychology of narcissism: Insights into grandiosity, entitlement, and self-esteem. New York: Simon & Schuster.