7 Warning Signs of Infidelity: What to Look for When Something Feels Off With Him

Friday, September 13, 2024.

If you're reading this, you might have that uncomfortable feeling in your gut that something’s not quite right in your relationship.

Trust is one of the pillars of any partnership, but when infidelity creeps in, it often doesn't come without warning.

While it’s painful to think about, being aware of the signs can help you decide whether you need to have an honest conversation or even seek help.

Here are seven warning signs that men often give before cheating—and some insights from research on why these behaviors occur.

He Becomes Secretive With His Phone

It’s normal for people to have some privacy with their devices, but when a partner starts getting overly protective of their phone, it could be cause for concern. Has he started taking it with him everywhere? Maybe he’s turning it face down on the table or rushing to check messages as soon as they come in.

Research has shown that people who cheat often become secretive about their digital lives, hiding texts or late-night messages. If his behavior around his phone has changed, it’s worth paying attention to whether this shift feels like an attempt to create distance or hide something.

Your Intimacy Has Fizzled Out

When infidelity is on the horizon, one of the first things to go is often physical intimacy. You may notice that you’re not having sex anymore or that the emotional connection that once made intimacy feel natural has disappeared.

This doesn't automatically mean he's cheating, of course.

There could be other reasons—stress, health issues, or even just a natural lull in the relationship. But if it’s happening alongside other suspicious behaviors, it might be a sign that his emotional and physical energy is being directed elsewhere. Research has shown that a decline in sexual activity can often be a precursor to infidelity, especially if it comes without explanation.

He Picks Fights Over the Smallest Things

Suddenly, every little thing becomes a reason for a fight. You didn’t load the dishwasher “right,” or you forgot to pick up his favorite snack. While every couple has disagreements, when he’s picking unnecessary fights, it could be more than just frustration.

Often, people who are cheating create emotional distance by starting conflicts, intentionally or not. They may even be trying to justify their actions by painting you as the “bad guy” in the relationship. This tactic is called self-handicapping—creating excuses for their behavior by undermining the relationship.

He Makes You Feel Like You're Overreacting

Have you brought up concerns only to be told you’re being paranoid or crazy? If he’s dismissing your feelings and making you question your own instincts, this is a classic sign of gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that makes you doubt your reality, and it’s often used by people trying to hide their wrongdoings. Cheaters may use it to cover their tracks, deflect suspicion, and make you feel like you’re the one at fault for even bringing it up. If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells or constantly second-guessing yourself, it’s important to trust your feelings.

He’s Vague About His Whereabouts

Being vague or elusive about how he spends his time away from you is another red flag. Maybe he's working late more often, but when you ask for details, the story doesn’t quite add up. Or he’s going out with friends but never seems to have a clear plan.

When someone is hiding something, they tend to be less specific, leaving you with vague explanations that make you feel uneasy. Research shows that people who are unfaithful often struggle to maintain their lies consistently, so if you notice gaps in his stories, it might be time to ask more direct questions.

He Casually Mentions Cheating in Past Relationships

If your partner has admitted to cheating on someone in the past, it’s important to take that seriously. While people can grow and change, research suggests that those who have cheated before are more likely to do it again.

Even if he brushes it off as something that happened “a long time ago” or “wasn’t a big deal,” it’s worth considering what this says about his views on fidelity. Does he show remorse or understanding of the hurt he caused? Or does he treat it like a minor slip-up? His attitude toward past cheating can reveal how he views commitment and trust.

Your Gut Is Telling You Something Is Off

Perhaps the most reliable indicator is your own intuition. If you’ve been with someone for a while, you’ve likely developed a sense of what feels normal and what doesn’t. If something feels off, even if you can’t quite put your finger on it, trust yourself.

Studies show that intuition often picks up on subtle changes in behavior or patterns that our conscious minds might not immediately recognize. If you’re feeling anxious or unsettled about the relationship, your gut may be picking up on cues you haven’t yet processed.

Final Thoughts: Listen to Yourself and Take Action

If you’re noticing these behaviors, it doesn’t mean your partner is definitely cheating. However, they are red flags that signal something is amiss, whether it’s infidelity or another issue. Relationships thrive on trust, open communication, and mutual respect. If these things are fading, it’s important to address them head-on.

Start by having an open and honest conversation with your partner. Express your feelings without accusing them outright, and give them the chance to explain. If that doesn’t lead to clarity or trust-building, it may be time to seek professional help through couples counseling. Don’t ignore these signs—your emotional well-being is worth taking seriously.

Remember, trusting your instincts is just as important as trusting your partner. If you’re feeling unsure, it’s okay to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate these tricky emotional waters.

When these signs become too hard to ignore, it can feel overwhelming. You may find yourself stuck between suspicion and a desire to trust your partner, not wanting to jump to conclusions but also feeling uneasy. Here’s what to do if the red flags pile up and you need clarity on what’s happening in your relationship:

Start with a Calm and Honest Conversation

Approaching your partner with accusations or hostility will likely lead to defensiveness, not answers. Instead, initiate a conversation when you’re calm and can express your feelings in a non-confrontational way. Focus on “I” statements like, “I’ve been feeling disconnected lately, and it’s worrying me. Can we talk about it?”

Remember, the goal is to create space for an open dialogue. Sometimes, what appears to be cheating could stem from other issues—stress, mental health struggles, or life changes—that are affecting the relationship. While it’s important not to ignore red flags, you also want to give your partner the opportunity to share their side.

Look for Consistency in Their Response

When you bring up your concerns, pay attention to how your partner responds. Are they open and willing to address the issues, or do they become defensive, dismissive, or vague? Consistency is key. If their explanations seem to change or they can’t provide clear answers, that might indicate there’s more going on.

It’s also important to notice their body language and emotional responses. Are they making eye contact and listening to you, or are they avoiding the conversation? Trust your intuition here—if their reaction feels off, that’s worth noting.

Set Boundaries for Rebuilding Trust

If your partner acknowledges that something is wrong, whether it’s infidelity or another issue, and you both want to work through it, setting clear boundaries is essential.

This could include more transparency (like sharing passwords or being more open about where they’re going), checking in more regularly, or seeking therapy together.

Rebuilding trust takes time and effort from both sides. Your partner needs to be willing to put in the work to regain your trust, and it’s okay for you to need specific assurances to feel comfortable again.

Consider Therapy—Individually or as a Couple

Therapy can be incredibly helpful, especially when dealing with betrayal or major relationship stressors. A couples therapist can create a safe space for both of you to express your feelings and work through the issues that have arisen. Therapy can also help you gain clarity on whether this relationship is worth saving or if it’s time to move on.

If you’re not ready for couples therapy, individual therapy can provide support in managing the emotional toll that suspicions or infidelity take. A therapist can help you process your feelings, develop coping strategies, and decide what’s best for your long-term well-being.

Trust Yourself and Know When It’s Time to Let Go

Sometimes, despite all efforts, the relationship may not recover. If your partner continues to be dishonest, dismissive, or unfaithful, it might be time to reevaluate whether staying in the relationship is healthy for you.

Leaving a relationship, especially one with history, is never easy, but staying in a toxic or untrustworthy situation can cause long-term emotional harm. Trust your instincts. If you’ve given the relationship a chance to heal and things still don’t feel right, it may be time to walk away for your own peace of mind.

Build Your Support System

Whether you’re working to save the relationship or preparing to move on, having a strong support system is essential. Lean on trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can offer perspective, emotional support, and guidance during this time.

Infidelity and relationship challenges can feel isolating, but you don’t have to navigate them alone. Reaching out for help from those who care about you can make a world of difference in how you handle this emotional journey.

Final Thoughts: Prioritize Your Emotional Health

While discovering infidelity or even suspecting it can be deeply painful, remember that your emotional well-being comes first. If the relationship can heal, it will take patience, communication, and effort from both sides. If it can’t, don’t be afraid to walk away and prioritize your own mental and emotional health.

Life is too short to stay in a relationship that doesn’t nurture and uplift you. If the signs of infidelity are undeniable, take the steps you need to protect yourself—emotionally and mentally—and move forward, whether that’s together or apart. I can help with that.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.