The Modern Dating Dictionary: How to Handle Soft Ghosting, Breadcrumbing, and Other Subtle Forms of Rejection (And What It Means for Relationships Today)

Friday, September 13, 2024.

In the age of smartphones, dating apps, and social media, our relationships have evolved—sometimes for the better, but often in confusing ways.

The rise of terms like soft ghosting, breadcrumbing, and orbiting reflects how digital communication can complicate romance, leaving many feeling emotionally stuck.

These subtle behaviors often cause more harm than outright rejection because they leave the person wondering, “What’s going on here? Am I still in this relationship, or not?”

In this post, we’ll go deep into these new dating behaviors, explore their philosophical implications for how we connect (or fail to connect) today, and discuss how they’re changing our understanding of intimacy and commitment.

Soft Ghosting: The Art of Fading Away Without Saying Goodbye

Soft ghosting is the slow fade, the art of disengaging without fully disappearing. It’s when someone stops replying in a meaningful way but still offers minimal interaction—like “liking” your message or reacting to a post with an emoji. This half-hearted communication keeps you tethered just enough that it’s hard to know whether they’ve lost interest or are just busy.

But what’s really going on here?

Philosophically, soft ghosting speaks to the fear of confrontation and the avoidance of emotional responsibility. In a world where commitment is fluid and options feel endless, ending something cleanly seems too heavy, too real. Soft ghosting allows a person to back out without ever addressing the hard truth: emotional withdrawal.

Research shows that passive disengagement in relationships often leads to greater confusion and emotional distress than clear-cut endings.

According to Knapp et al. (2002), the lack of closure in these situations prolongs feelings of uncertainty, often leaving the person on the receiving end in an ongoing cycle of anxiety. As one Reddit user lamented, "They didn’t ghost me; they just slowly stopped caring. How do you even respond to that?"

In many ways, soft ghosting reveals a deeper problem in our current social dynamics: we’re uncomfortable with discomfort. Instead of confronting difficult emotions head-on, we let relationships linger in ambiguity. But ambiguity can be cruel, especially in matters of the heart.

Breadcrumbing: Keeping Someone in Limbo Without a Real Connection

Breadcrumbing occurs when someone gives you just enough attention to keep you interested, but never enough to move the relationship forward. They might text you sporadically, send flirty messages, or respond just when you’ve given up hope—only to fade again. It’s like they’re dropping breadcrumbs to keep you following their trail, but the trail never leads anywhere.

This behavior is particularly frustrating because it preys on hope. You keep thinking, Maybe this time it’ll go somewhere, but it never does.

Philosophically, breadcrumbing reflects the fear of commitment combined with a desire for validation. In a world where attention is currency, breadcrumbing allows someone to reap the emotional benefits of being desired without having to invest in a real relationship. It also speaks to the paradox of choice in dating today. With so many options available, some people hedge their bets, keeping multiple “connections” alive without ever committing to one.

As Schwartz (2004) explored in his work on the paradox of choice, the abundance of options can actually lead to decision paralysis. Rather than making a choice and committing, people often keep their options open for fear of making the wrong choice. Breadcrumbing is a way of keeping someone emotionally available as a backup—just in case.

Benching: The Art of Keeping Someone on Standby

Benching, or being kept on the sidelines, is when someone keeps you around as a backup option. They engage with you just enough to maintain the relationship, but they’re never fully in it. They’re essentially keeping you “on the bench,” while they explore other options. If those don’t work out, they might turn back to you.

This behavior can be emotionally exhausting because it traps you in a state of limbo. You’re not fully in the relationship, but you’re not fully out of it either. You’re left wondering whether you’re a priority or just a convenient fallback.

Philosophically, benching reflects transactional thinking in relationships. It’s the idea that people are interchangeable and can be put on hold while something “better” comes along. This utilitarian approach to relationships undermines the idea of deep, meaningful connections, reducing people to emotional placeholders.

Orbiting: Watching from a Distance Without Engagement

Orbiting is one of the most baffling behaviors in modern dating. It’s when someone ghosts you, but continues to engage with your online presence. They might stop texting you but still watch all your Instagram stories, like your posts, or comment on your updates.

This behavior feels contradictory—why are they still watching my life if they don’t want to be part of it?

Orbiting can be viewed as a form of emotional control. By keeping themselves visible in your digital space, the person maintains a presence in your life without having to commit to any real interaction. It’s a way of keeping their options open without engaging in any meaningful way. As one social media user put it, "It’s like they want me to know they’re there, but not enough to actually talk to me. It’s emotionally exhausting."

Research into digital disengagement shows that behaviors like orbiting can heighten feelings of confusion and prolong emotional attachment (Tokunaga, 2016). Orbiting creates a psychological tether—one that can make moving on difficult, as the person is always present but never involved.

The Philosophical Implications: What Does It Mean for Modern Relationships?

At its core, these behaviors—soft ghosting, breadcrumbing, benching, and orbiting—reflect a deeper shift in how we approach relationships in the digital age. In a world where communication is instant, options seem endless, and commitment feels daunting, relationships are often treated as disposable.

One of the key philosophical implications of these behaviors is the erosion of authentic emotional connection. Relationships are increasingly characterized by ambiguity, passive disengagement, and a reluctance to confront difficult emotions. Instead of meaningful conversations, we’re often left with emoji reactions and "likes"—a superficial form of connection that lacks depth or substance.

The philosopher and sexual predator Jean-Paul Sartre famously wrote about the importance of human connection and the responsibility we have to others in relationships. When we treat people as mere options, we fail to engage in the deeper emotional work required for authentic connection. Yes, the hypocrisy is unsliceable, but I digress.

In many ways, these modern dating behaviors reflect a kind of existential avoidance—a reluctance to truly face the emotional complexity of another person.

How to Handle These Behaviors and Protect Your Emotional Well-Being

If you find yourself on the receiving end of soft ghosting, breadcrumbing, or orbiting, it’s important to prioritize your own emotional health. Here are some steps you can take:

Recognize the Behavior for What It Is

The first step in dealing with these behaviors is to recognize them for what they are—subtle forms of rejection or emotional disengagement. If someone is breadcrumbing or benching you, they’re not giving you the emotional investment you deserve. Acknowledge this and give yourself permission to walk away.

Set Clear Boundaries

If you’re tired of being left in emotional limbo, it’s time to set clear boundaries. Don’t be afraid to communicate your needs and ask for clarity. If the person isn’t willing to meet you halfway, it’s a sign that the relationship isn’t going anywhere meaningful.

Focus on Relationships That Add Value

Instead of chasing after someone who’s breadcrumbing or soft ghosting you, invest in relationships that offer mutual respect and engagement. Seek out connections where you feel valued and heard. Emotional clarity is key to healthy relationships.

Don’t Be Afraid to Let Go

Sometimes the hardest part is letting go of the hope that a relationship might turn into something more. But if the other person isn’t willing to commit or engage, holding on will only prolong your emotional pain. Trust that walking away opens the door to better, more fulfilling relationships.

Final Thoughts: The Future of Connection in a Digital World

As we continue to navigate the complexities of digital communication, it’s important to recognize the impact these subtle disengagement behaviors have on our emotional well-being. Soft ghosting, breadcrumbing, and orbiting are all reflections of deeper cultural shifts—ones that challenge our ideas about commitment, authenticity, and the value of emotional labor in relationships.

The key is to recognize these behaviors for what they are, set healthy boundaries, and focus on building relationships that bring clarity, respect, and genuine connection. In a world where digital interactions are often fleeting, prioritizing real emotional engagement is more important than ever.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Knapp, M. L., Vangelisti, A. L., & Caughlin, J. P. (2002). Interpersonal communication and human relationships. Allyn & Bacon.

Schwartz, B. (2004). The paradox of choice: Why more is less. Ecco.

Tokunaga, R. S. (2016). An examination of the role of communication in romantic relationship disengagement: Communication patterns, uncertainty, and emotional outcomes. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 33(2), 123-144.