What to expect in Couples Therapy…
Sunday, February 18, 2024.
Couples therapy can be both daunting and hopeful. I’m often asked to explain what to expect.
Good science-based couples therapy offers exploration and growth opportunities, whether you seek to strengthen your relationship, resolve conflicts, or mend emotional wounds.
In this blog post, I’ll discuss what to expect in couples therapy, drawing insights from prominent models that I rely on heavily; such as the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. By understanding these approaches, you can better prepare for your transformative process.
The Gottman Method, Beyond the Four Horsemen: At the heart of the Gottman Method lies the foundational research of Drs.—John and Julie Gottman, illuminating the predictors of relationship success and failure.
While the Four Horsemen – criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling – are warning signs of relational distress, the Gottman Method offers a nuanced approach to understanding and addressing these dynamics.
Expect to embark on a self-discovery and relational exploration journey guided by structured interventions to nurture friendship, deepen emotional connection, and foster shared meaning (Gottman & Gottman, 2015). Through exercises like the Love Maps, rituals of connection, and the Dreams within Conflict, couples cultivate empathy, understanding, and a sense of partnership that transcends conflict.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): EFT is anchored in attachment theory and the science of love. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) offers a profound lens to understand the dynamics of intimate relationships.
Dr. Sue Johnson's work emphasizes the primal human need for emotional connection and security within the bonds of love.
With EFT, expect to explore the raw terrain of attachment wounds, longing, and unmet needs as you and your partner learn to navigate the dance of emotional responsiveness and accessibility.
Through de-escalation and creating new emotional experiences, EFT facilitates healing relational injuries and culturing a secure bond (Johnson, 2004). If you’re doing couples therapy in the EFT model, expect to engage in experiential exercises, enactments, and emotionally focused conversations that invite vulnerability and deepen intimacy.
Unpacking the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy: Navigating the Stages of Growth Relationships, like individuals, evolve, traversing distinct stages of growth, challenge, and transformation—the Developmental Model, developed by Drs. Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson offer a roadmap for understanding the developmental tasks inherent in each stage of a couple's journey.
From merging identities in the early stages to pursuing individuation and differentiation, couples in therapy explore the delicate balance between autonomy and connection (Bader & Pearson, 2015).
Expect to confront the tensions and conflicts that arise as you navigate the complexities of intimacy, communication, and power dynamics within your relationship. The Developmental Model fosters relational growth and resilience through the facilitation of differentiation, the negotiation of boundaries, and the cultivation of mutual empathy.
If you’re in the Developmental Model of couples therapy, you can expect to explore issues of differentiation, intimacy, and autonomy as you navigate the complexities of your relationship journey.
Therapists employing the Developmental Model focus on fostering individuation while promoting connection, helping couples navigate the inevitable tensions between independence and togetherness (Bader & Pearson, 2015).
Navigating the Therapy Process: High motivation and a willingness to engage are essential. Don’t undertake couples therapy if you lack these traits. You may not be ready.
While each therapeutic model may vary in techniques and emphasis, the overarching goal remains to cultivate a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
Expect to encounter discomfort and vulnerability as you confront deep-seated patterns and emotions. This can be hard. Trust your therapist's expertise and commitment to guide you through your transformative process.
I can help with that…
Final thoughts
Couples therapy offers a profound opportunity for growth, healing, and connection. By understanding the principles and techniques underlying prominent therapeutic models such as the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and the Developmental Model, you can better prepare for the journey ahead.
Remember, the path to a thriving relationship is not always linear, but with dedication and support, you can navigate the challenges and emerge together with renewed purpose and commitment.
Be well, stay kind, and Godspeed.
.
REFERENCES:
Bader, E., & Pearson, P. (2015). In Quest of the Mythical Mate: A Developmental Approach to Diagnosis and Treatment in Couples Therapy (2nd ed.). Routledge.
Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2015). Gottman Couples Therapy: A New Research-Based Approach. The Family Journal, 23(3), 316–320. https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480715574210
Johnson, S. M. (2004). The Practice of Emotionally Focused Marital Therapy: Creating Connection (2nd ed.). Routledge.
