What is High Infidelity?
Sunday, February 18, 2024.
A client from LA was under a lot of stress and was misbehaving during the writer's strike. His wife was pretty aggravated with him. In therapy, he blurted out to me…
My wife is getting back at me by engaging in High Infidelity!
Geez.. I had to ask him… what is High Infidelity about?
High Infidelity is about a pattern or prevalence of extramarital or extra-partnership affairs within a relationship, marriage, or otherwise sorta committed, sorta monogamous relationship.
What passes for acceptable and unacceptable infidelity for some couples in certain American subcultures is sometimes quirky, and may require an open and curious stance on the part of the couples therapist.
Let's delve deeper into the various aspects of High Infidelity:
Frequency and Severity: High Infidelity suggests that instances of cheating or betrayal occur frequently and possibly involve multiple partners or ongoing affairs rather than perfectly acceptable occasional dalliance.
Impact: It sometimes significantly impacts the partners and their relationships. High Infidelity can lead to emotional distress, trust issues, and, in severe cases, the breakdown of the relationship or marriage.
Root Causes: What is High Infidelity about? Understanding the reasons behind high infidelity is complex and multifaceted. It could stem from dissatisfaction within the relationship, unmet emotional or physical needs, lack of communication, personality disorders, bipolar disorder, neurodiversity, personal insecurities, a bid for attention, or even external factors such as opportunity or salacious peer influence. To focus too intently on asking “why?” is sometimes futile but also occasionally critical.
Psychological Dynamics: High Infidelity quite often involves deeper psychological dynamics such as narcissism, impulsivity, or attachment issues.
Partners engaging in High Infidelity might experience a thrill from the secrecy and risk-taking involved, or they may use it as a coping mechanism for unresolved personal issues.
Social and Cultural, and Especially Sub-Cultural Factors: Cultural attitudes toward infidelity can influence its prevalence. In some American subcultures ( LOL, like the entertainment industry), infidelity may be more tolerated or even normalized, while in others, it carries significant stigma and consequences.
Gender Dynamics: Research suggests that men and women may engage in infidelity for different reasons, influenced by societal expectations and gender roles. However, avoiding oversimplifying these patterns is essential in this somewhat permissive subculture because individual motivations vary widely.
Consequences: High Infidelity can have far-reaching implications beyond the immediate relationship. It can affect families, friendships, and social networks, leading to feelings of unease and discomfort between partners and those connected to them.
Recovery and Healing: Rebuilding trust and repairing the damage caused by High Infidelity often requires serious, but not necessarily intense, effort and commitment from all parties involved. These folks are different. Check your assumptions at the door.
This may include good couples therapy, open communication, setting boundaries, and a willingness to address underlying issues. I can help with that.
Final Thoughts
A pattern of High Infidelity represents a significant breach of trust and can have profound emotional, psychological, and social implications for everyone involved.
It’s sometimes a pissed-off cry for attention.
Understanding its complexities requires examining individual motivations, relationship dynamics, and broader cultural, especially sub-cultural factors. It’s hard to fall back on convention and tradition with these couples.
It is better to ask, What do you want instead?
Be well, stay kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Glass, S. P., & Staeheli, J. C. (2003). Not "just friends": Rebuilding trust and recovering your sanity after infidelity. Free Press.
Allen, E. S., Atkins, D. C., Baucom, D. H., Snyder, D. K., Gordon, K. C., & Glass, S. P. (2005). Intrapersonal, interpersonal, and contextual factors in engaging in and responding to extramarital involvement. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 12(2), 101-130.
Hall, J. H., & Fincham, F. D. (2009). Psychological distress: Precursor or consequence of dating infidelity? Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 35(11), 143-159.
Mark, K. P., Janssen, E., & Milhausen, R. R. (2011). Infidelity in heterosexual couples: Demographic, interpersonal, and personality-related predictors of extradyadic sex. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 40(5), 971-982.
Blow, A. J., & Hartnett, K. (2005). Infidelity in committed relationships II: A substantive review. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 31(2), 217-233.
