Unlock the Secret to What Makes You Attractive: Playfulness
September 1, 2024. Originally published February 14, 2018. From the deleted OG CTI blog. Sometimes ostensibly silly research is still useful. Revised and updated.
Ever wondered what makes you irresistibly attractive?
You're not alone—researchers have pondered this too.
Dr. René Proyer from the Institute of Psychology at Martin Luther University (MLU) claims that his recent study has finally uncovered the secret sauce to attractiveness, and it’s something you might not expect: Playfulness.
Yes, gentle readers, you come by your sense of Déjà vu honestly. I’ve written about playfulness before. It’s that important.
Playfulness makes you stand out.
According to Dr. Proyer, it’s one of the most captivating ways to connect with others, adding a unique charm to your personality.
The Power of Playfulness in Adult Relationships
For years, researchers have focused on the role of playfulness in children. However, the impact of playfulness in adult relationships has been largely overlooked—until now.
“Traditional models of childhood playfulness have often been applied to adults, which misses many aspects unique to adult life, especially in romantic relationships and intellectual endeavors,” explains Dr. Proyer. Playful adults can reframe life’s challenges to maximize enjoyment and resilience, making them more attractive to others.
How The Study Was Conducted
This isn’t just a small study, either. Dr. Proyer’s research involved nearly 3,000 adults, exploring the role of playfulness in their lives. The findings reveal that while playfulness overlaps with the Big Five personality traits—extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, openness to experience, and emotional stability—it remains an independent trait that adds something special to your personality.
“Playfulness is a distinct personality trait that shares certain qualities with these five global dimensions, but it cannot be replaced by them,” says Dr. Proyer. Moreover, the study shows that people who identify as playful are also perceived that way by others. Playfulness is a trait that shines through in various social settings and situations.
Types of Playfulness: Which One Are You?
Dr. Proyer’s study identifies four distinct types of playful behavior in adults:
Other-Directed Playfulness: These folks love to tease and engage playfully with friends, acquaintances, and romantic partners.
Light-Hearted Playfulness: These people see life as a game, maintaining a playful attitude 24/7.
Intellectual Playfulness: This type involves treating ideas and thoughts as toys, using imagination to avoid boredom.
Whimsical Playfulness: These are the observers, constantly amused by human nature and novel situations.
The study highlights that playfulness in adults spans these four dimensions, contributing to its widespread appeal.
However, it’s essential to note that perceptions of playfulness can be culture-bound.
For instance, in Germany, playful folks may be viewed as lacking seriousness or reliability.
Yet, this view might be unfair. One of playfulness's strengths is its ability to shift perspectives and discover creative solutions to problems—qualities that are invaluable in both personal and professional life.
Playfulness: The Hidden Key to Attraction
While playfulness may not be directly linked to survival, it sends a powerful relational message. For women, a playful partner signals that he is non-threatening and approachable. For men, playfulness in a woman is often seen as a sign of vitality and zest for life.
“Playfulness also seems to play a crucial role in partner selection—potentially even more so than factors like educational background, genetics, or religious beliefs.
Although we should be cautious in interpreting the data, it could suggest that playful people are perceived as more attractive partners, or that playfulness grows stronger within the relationship,” notes Dr. Proyer.
Why Your Partner Loves Your Playful Side
Playful folks often seek partners who share their sense of fun.
According to Dr. Proyer, playfulness in adult relationships can also contribute to increased health and well-being. The give-and-take of playful interactions can be incredibly compelling, fostering mutuality and a dynamic, healthy relationship.
“Individuals perceive playfulness as beneficial for maintaining excitement in their romantic relationships, increasing well-being, and expressing affection toward their partners. More broadly, playfulness helps cultivate a deeper, more fulfilling relationship,” explains Dr. Proyer.
Implications for Couples Therapy: The Fun Deficit
As a therapist, I often encounter couples struggling with a “fun deficit” in their relationships.
When one partner is overly focused on their career and the other is entrenched in a child-centered household, adult playfulness can easily be sidelined. Unfortunately, playfulness is sometimes dismissed as irresponsible, immature, or even risky.
But the real risk lies in neglecting playfulness. Fostering a playful atmosphere in your relationship might just be the secret to keeping the spark alive and ensuring long-term happiness.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
RESEARCH:
“A new structural model for the study of adult playfulness: Assessment and exploration of an understudied individual differences variable” by René T. Proyer in Personality and Individual Differences. Published online December 14 2016 doi:10.1016/j.paid.2016.12.01
