Unlocking the Mystery: What Does It Mean to Be Lucky in Love?

Sunday, September 1, 2024.

Have you ever wondered what it truly means to be "lucky in love"?

It’s a phrase we hear often, but what does it actually entail? Is it just a whimsical notion, or is there a science behind it?

As it turns out, the concept of being lucky in love is more than just a romantic ideal—it’s a topic that researchers have explored in depth.

The Science Behind Being Lucky in Love

The idea of luck in love might seem vague, but authors Janice Kaplan and Dr. Barnaby Marsh have tackled this very question in their book, How Luck Happens: Using the Science of Luck to Transform Work, Love, and Life.

Blending insights from behavioral economics and psychology, they reveal that luck in love isn’t just about chance—it’s something you can actively cultivate.

Behavioral Economics and the Role of Luck in Love

Behavioral economics, a field that explores how people actually make decisions (often irrationally), sheds light on the dynamics of love and luck.

Dr. Daniel Ariely, a prominent psychologist and behavioral economist, has conducted extensive research on how our emotions and irrational behaviors influence our love lives.

According to Dr. Ariely, being "lucky in love" involves more than just finding the perfect partner.

In fact, he suggests that the search for the “best” person is futile. Instead, luck in love is about recognizing when someone wonderful is in your life and deciding to stop searching for hypothetical "better" options.

This shift in mindset is a critical factor in feeling lucky in love.

Planning Your Way to Luck in Love

Luck in love isn’t just a random occurrence; it’s something you can plan for.

Dr. Ariely believes that emotions alone are unreliable guides when it comes to love.

Instead, he advocates for a strategic approach—one where you actively allocate time and attention to build a successful relationship.

In his view, love should be treated like a long-term investment. When you commit to your partner, you’re not just making a decision; you’re creating new opportunities for your relationship to grow. This commitment, according to Dr. Ariely, is a key element in creating your own luck in love.

The Importance of Commitment in Love

Dr. Ariely emphasizes that luck in love is closely tied to commitment. The longer you’re willing to invest in a relationship, the luckier you become. It’s about playing the long game—understanding that commitment opens up new possibilities and strengthens the bond between partners.

“Luck is made when you decide to stay in a relationship for the long haul,” says Dr. Ariely. “As you invest in your relationship, new opportunities emerge, and your connection deepens.”

How Behavioral Psychology Explains Luck in Love

Once a decision to commit is made, our brains go into defensive mode, convincing us that we’ve made the best choice. This cognitive bias helps reinforce our decision, making us more likely to cherish and defend our relationship.

It’s no surprise, then, that a recent survey found 86% of people would marry the same partner again.

Dr. Ariely draws parallels between relationship commitment and real estate investment.

Just as you wouldn’t keep looking for a new apartment if you’ve already signed a lease, you’re less likely to look for a new partner once you’ve committed to your current relationship. This mindset prevents comparison and fosters satisfaction.

The Paradox of Choice and Its Impact on Love

Dr. Barry Schwartz, a professor at Swarthmore College, explores the paradox of choice in his research. He argues that having too many options can lead to anxiety and dissatisfaction.

In the context of love, this means that constantly seeking the "best" partner can prevent you from investing in and appreciating the relationship you already have.

Dr. Schwartz’s insights are especially relevant in today’s dating culture, where apps like Tinder offer an endless array of potential partners. But, as Dr. Schwartz points out, the key to being lucky in love is not in the quantity of choices but in the quality of commitment to one person.

The Role of Biological Anthropology in Understanding Luck in Love

Dr. Helen Fisher, a renowned biological anthropologist, has conducted extensive research on the science of love. According to Dr. Fisher, romantic love is a basic human drive, deeply embedded in our biology. Her research shows that dopamine—a neurochemical associated with pleasure and reward—plays a significant role in romantic love.

Interestingly, Dr. Fisher’s findings suggest that the drive to be lucky in love goes beyond physical attraction or attachment.

It’s about nurturing a relationship over time, even as the initial honeymoon phase fades. By focusing on your partner’s positive qualities, you can continue to feel lucky in love long after the early stages of your relationship.

Luck in Love: A Matter of Perspective

Ultimately, being lucky in love is about perspective. It’s about recognizing that all relationships involve trade-offs and understanding that what makes you feel lucky in love is the ability to appreciate the good while accepting the imperfections.

As Janice Kaplan and Dr. Barnaby Marsh emphasize, luck is where preparation meets opportunity.

To be lucky in love, you must be intentional about finding and investing in a relationship that matters. It’s about committing fully, avoiding distractions, and focusing on the relationship you’ve chosen.

The Health Benefits of Being Lucky in Love

Feeling lucky in love isn’t just emotionally fulfilling—it’s also good for your health. Research shows that a happy marriage can lower the risks of heart disease, diabetes, and even Alzheimer’s.

Being in a committed, loving relationship can literally add years to your life.

A recent study found that being in a committed relationship is associated with a 49% lower mortality risk. This means that being lucky in love not only enhances your emotional well-being but also contributes to your overall health and longevity.

Final thoughts

Barnaby Marsh offers practical advice for increasing your chances of being lucky in love. He suggests stepping out of your comfort zone, being open to new experiences, and surrounding yourself with people who uplift and support you. By taking these steps, you create more opportunities for luck to find you.

In the words of couples therapy expert Dan Wile, choosing a long-term partner means accepting a set of unsolvable problems that you’ll navigate together for years to come.

But in the end, being able to love another person—and yourself—over the long term is what makes you truly lucky in love.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Ariely, D. (n.d.). The science of decision-making and behavior. Duke University.

Fisher, H. E. (2004). Why we love: The nature and chemistry of romantic love. Henry Holt and Company.

Kaplan, J., & Marsh, B. (2018). How luck happens: Using the science of luck to transform work, love, and life. Dutton.

Kiecolt-Glaser, J. K., & Glaser, R. (2013). How marital quality affects physical health. Ohio State University's Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research.

Schwartz, B. (2004). The paradox of choice: Why more is less. Harper Perennial.