Managing office affairs from a C-level perspective…
Thursday, February 15, 2024. I have a rather bizarre pair of unrelated master's degrees: Labor Studies and Marriage and Family Therapy.
These disciplines overlap on the topic of office affairs…
What is an office affair?
An affair at work can refer to any personal relationship between two employees.
Let’s assume that hiring humans requires the acceptance that office romances are inevitable, not only due to the sheer number of them working closely together within a typical office setting, but also because the endless hours humans spend at work creates abundant opportunities for human attraction and the onset of affection.
However, an office relationship can have potential consequences for all employees involved, such as:
Complaints of favoritism and unequal treatment.
The human tendency to spread rumors.
The corrosive time sink of water cooler gossip.
Disruption to other staff, vendors, and other professionals.
An office romance can have unintended consequences for everyone involved. Some human tendencies will spiral the situation out of hand, such as spreading rumors, complaining about favoritism, workplace gossip, ongoing disruption to other team members, sexual harassment claims, and, perhaps most damaging, time-wasting at an epic level.
Office affairs are sensitive and impactful…
An affair or workplace romance can become a touchy and awkward subject to handle, and it makes sense that you’d rather stay out of it. However, a permissive environment will eventually impact office morale and productivity. Permissive environments foster both an unpleasant and uncertain environment for co-workers.
Office affairs may also lead to legal action, such as sexual harassment in the workplace, especially if there is a power imbalance between the parties or if one of the lecherous humans involved is married.
Your problem from the C level looks like this; managing the eruption of office romances is crucial to curb any negative consequences, including time wasting, loss of productivity, lawsuits, and accusations of a hostile and unsafe work environment.
Is there workplace slack that is being silently but resentfully absorbed by others?
If you’ve been ignoring the employees engaged in ongoing workplace affairs, it can affect your other employees' morale, making them feel uncomfortable, jealous, or resentful.
Other employees might feel like they're working harder to pick up the slack of the colleague having the workplace affair - especially if the colleague has a relationship with the boss. A study of workplace romance in Pakistan discussed these feelings at length.
From a C-level view, regulating inter-office relationships and workplace affairs is best achieved by having an intentionally family-friendly culture enforced by company policies and guidelines that clearly state your company’s cultural values for conduct.
If you’ve been too indulgent or permissive, you risk letting affairs get out of hand.
On the other hand, we don’t want a Saul-to-Paul workplace epiphany either. Being too harsh can lead to unnecessary complications.
Ultimately, affairs at work happen. They will continue to happen. But, from the C-level, the best practice is to not invest in being prophylactic. In other words, don’t try to prevent office affairs…invest your efforts in having best practices in place for when it does.
Engage in powerful noticing…
In the early 1980s, a delightful concept was promoted by management consultant Tom Peters. He called in MBWA… Management by Walking Around…
Perhaps if you did that, you might notice a couple wasting company time, having an unnecessary meeting together.
Instead of condemning their relationship, candidly discuss how their actions might impact the firm and their job performance.
Suggest they reduce the disruptions and remind them that they could face disciplinary action if they refuse to comply.
Here are some other points my client with a law degree discussed. When meeting with romantically involved employees, don’t reveal who initially brought their conduct to your attention.
Another thing. It’s probably best not to mention any complaints from their co-workers in vague generalities either. During the meeting, stress that your concern is not their relationship but the impact of their romance on the business and parties involved.
Office affairs and romances are a feature that comes with hiring humans, but they can have significant consequences for all employees affected and the company's overall productivity and reputation.
It's essential to have policies and guidelines to regulate these relationships and handle them sensitively and professionally when they happen….because they reliably will.
Workplace relationships can harm morale, curb productivity, and create an unpleasant or hostile environment for co-workers.
Some ill-advised office affairs may also lead to legal entanglements, such as accusations of sexual harassment in the workplace. Especially if there is an obvious power imbalance between the lovers or if one of the employees is married.
Vulnerable populations…
You also have a responsibility to intervene when one individual involved in an affair is somehow vulnerable.
This might be due to a mental health condition, such as bipolar disorder, which is highly correlated with poor impulse control.
Or what if the employee in question is an underage intern? Or only recently out of school? What if your employee is neurodiverse, clinically depressed, or has an anxiety disorder?
You are also responsible for intervening if a senior staff member becomes involved with a junior member. These types of relationships might seem innocent, but they could pose problems in your company's hierarchy and even provoke the discomfort of fellow staff.
Should an office romance be regulated?
As I discussed earlier, office affairs have spillover consequences that can be messy.
First and foremost, you want to avoid time sinks.
You may notice by walking around that some employees take a few extra minutes at lunch to see each other. These same couples may also be squandering precious work hours texting drivel, calling, or chatting with one another.
Being a hard ass has diminishing returns.
There's nothing wrong with friendly staff interactions. However, lost time will hurt your business and lead to lawsuits, reduced productivity, and an accusation of a hostile work environment.
Furthermore, two or more of your staff having a workplace affair can affect your other employees' morale, making other staff feel uncomfortable or jealous. An employee might feel like they're working harder to pick up the slack of the colleague having the workplace affair - especially if the colleague has a relationship with the boss.
Guidelines for an inter-office relationship and workplace affairs policy …
First off, Have a staff handbook. And make sure this handbook states your company policy on relationships and dating within the workplace explicitly. Being too soft and squishy with your workplace relationships policy will encourage affairs, which can quickly get out of hand. But being too harsh can lead to its challenges as well.
Ultimately, affairs at work happen. The trick is not to stop one before it happens but to manage it when it does.
If your policy sets out the rules clearly, you can fall back on it if things go awry. If a couple is wasting company time, have a meeting with the couple together. Instead of condemning their relationship, note that their actions affect the business and job performance.
Suggest they reduce the disruptions and remind them that they could face disciplinary action if they do not comply. In a meeting, do not mention who brought the couple's conduct to your attention. In addition, please do not mention any complaints from their colleagues either.
During the meeting, stress that your concern is not their relationship but the effects of their conduct on the business and parties involved.
Affairs in the office…
When two employees engage in a romantic relationship, it's a workplace affair.
This includes extramarital affairs in the workplace.
Extramarital affairs in the workplace have become more common than ever – offices have people having frequent interaction with each other, disclosing small intimacies about their daily lives, then larger ones…and gradually becoming intimate emotionally.
What starts as a casual work-friendship soon blossoms into an emotional affair and eventually leads to two people having an extramarital affair at work, risking not only their jobs but their family lives, too.
Your love life can become the subject of office gossip because rumors might spread like wildfire once you start an affair at work. Your personal life can become common knowledge, where the constant eyes on your partner and you in the office will generate a hostile work environment for all people involved in the business.
The elephant in the office… Sexual Harassment
It is unlawful to harass a person (an applicant or employee) because of that person's sex. Harassment can include "sexual harassment" or unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.
Harassment does not have to be sexual, however, and can include offensive remarks about a person's sex. For example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about women in general.
Both the victim and the harasser can be either a woman or a man, and the victim and harasser can be the same sex.
Although the law does not prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not very serious, harassment is illegal when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a hostile or offensive work environment or when it results in an adverse employment decision (such as the victim being fired or demoted).
The harasser can be the victim's supervisor, a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or someone not an employer-employee, such as a client or customer.
Unwelcome legal consequences of an office romance…
Employees in California can sue their employers for sexual harassment if a sexual affair between a supervisor and a subordinate results in "sexual favoritism," creating a hostile work environment for those employees not involved in the office affair.
A unanimous California Supreme Court in Miller v. Department of Corrections, 36 Cal.4th 446 (2005) held that consensual sexual affairs may constitute sexual harassment if "sexual favoritism" – giving preference about the terms of employment to a lover to the detriment of other employees – is sufficiently widespread to create an actionable hostile work environment under California's unlawful harassment law.
The Supreme Court's decision in Miller means that employers now face greater risk from workplace romances, and the decision will impact sexual harassment litigation for years to come as both employers and the courts struggle with the definition of sexual favoritism and the difference between isolated and widespread sexual favoritism.
How workplace relationships employment law can shape Your policy options…
It is not uncommon for employees to first meet their significant others.
Alliances, work affairs, and romances between employees are a fact of life.
Therefore, employers cannot wholly prohibit office workers from engaging in sexual affairs or romance.
Take California Labor Code section 96(k), for example. It prohibits employers from taking any adverse actions against employees for engaging in lawful off-duty conduct by employees, such as sexual relationships. It severely limits an employer's ability to stop office affairs or romances.
It is not the affair or romance made unlawful, but its potential impact on other employees that may create liability for employers. Thus, all employers can do is prevent the romance from impacting others.
The new problems of Liability…
Let’s discuss liability in a general sense. I’m not a lawyer, but here is what one of my clients told me:
Beware of the fine distinction between "isolated" sexual favoritism, which is not actionable, and "widespread" sexual favoritism, which creates a hostile work environment.
I’ve been advised that this legal standard virtually guarantees that any action taken by a supervisor and their paramour in the workplace could be subject to scrutiny and that employers will spend an increasing amount of time, energy, and money defending against claims of sexual favoritism.
This decision opens the way to numerous lawsuits from employees who may challenge any decision of a supervisor who is involved in or allegedly involved in, an affair or workplace romance with another employee.
Get this…although the office affair or romance may be entirely consensual, other employees who feel that the paramour received special treatment may sue.
Furthermore, as the Supreme Court recognized, both men and women can be injured by sexual favoritism.
This raises the risk of an entire department suing en masse because the supervisor repeatedly favored one employee due to a romantic relationship.
How to engage with office affairs…
The first order of business is to be prudent.
An affair in your office has its own environmental impact and ecological consequences.
Office affairs blur the line between professional and personal behavior and can be an HR minefield if you lack clarity in your corporate cultural values.
Sexual Favoritism
Treat a claim of sexual favoritism as seriously as a claim of unwanted sexual advances, and perform prompt and thorough investigations as they would for any claim of sexual harassment. Many sticky situations can be intervened with when you walk around and notice. Manage by walking around.
Office Affairs Policies
Second, employers should consider adopting appropriate non-fraternization or anti-nepotism policies that discourage office relationships, particularly between managers and subordinates. Employer policies should prohibit a manager from directly managing someone they are dating.
Consensual relationship agreements or relationship disclosures
I’ve been an avid promoter of using consensual relationship agreements, also known as "love contracts."
From a C-level view, it’s best to ensure that if two of your employees choose to have a romantic relationship, these romantically entwined employees agree to adhere to specific values of your company culture. For example, a corporate cultural value of relational transparency would require all managers, supervisors, and employees to disclose any romantic relationships. HR will need to establish novel reporting structures as needed. This may protect against future legal claims.
What is a Love Contract?
A love contract, sometimes referred to as a “consensual relationship agreement,” is an agreement signed by employees involved in a romantic or sexual relationship. Employers use such agreements to ward off workplace issues, including sexual harassment claims.
While the particulars in these agreements vary, the essence of a love contract is the employees’ declaration that the relationship is entirely consensual and voluntary, and the parties understand and agree to abide by the company’s sexual harassment policies.
Other innovative features of a Love Contract might include:
• Stipulations that the employees advise HR if the relationship ends. or becomes hostile.
• Representations that the relationship will not impact the job performance of either employee.
• Acknowledgment of required adherence to your other related employer policies (e.g., anti-retaliation, conflicts of interest, office fraternization, etc.).
• Requirements that the employees behave professionally toward each other (e.g., no workplace public displays of affection, or bickering).
• Promises that the employees will never allow a situation where one of the employees has real, or even only perceived authority over the other.
• Make sure you’ve thought through all your confidentiality provisions.
• Be creative. Allow for other provisions specific to the employees’ particular situation.
Training
Finally, when conducting anti-harassment training, employers should discuss sexual favoritism consistent with the Supreme Court's decision in Miller.
Such a discussion is particularly prudent for any managers and supervisors in training. Sexual harassment training has to be conducted every two years. Make sure HR is compliant.
Final thoughts
Humans are a pain in the ass when they fall in love or use each other for sex at work. Their lust and indiscretion run the risk of becoming your problem eventually.
One thing capitalism has learned about AI… it doesn’t have a libido.
Be well, stay kind, and Godspeed.
