Are you married to a Covert Narcissist?
Friday, 2/16/24. This is for KAM.
Navigating a relationship with a covert narcissist can be akin to walking through a minefield blindfolded. The subtle manipulation, emotional abuse, and constant gaslighting can leave one questioning their reality and sanity.
As couples therapists, it's imperative to recognize the signs and support those grappling with such dynamics, perhaps ideally the process toward individual therapy or Hopeful Spouse counseling.
In this blog post, I’ll delve into the dark and misunderstood realm of Covert Narcissism. We will begin exploring insights from leading books and thought leaders in the field through the lens of couples therapy.
Understanding Covert Narcissism…What is it?
Unlike their overt counterparts, who display grandiose behaviors and seek constant admiration, covert narcissists operate under a veil of subtlety.
They often appear humble, sensitive, and self-effacing on the surface, making it challenging to identify their manipulative tendencies.
Behind closed doors, however, they exhibit traits of entitlement, emotional manipulation, and a deep-seated need for validation.
Books that illumine the shadows:
In the quest to unravel the complexities of Covert Narcissism, I will always point my clients and gentle readers in the direction of appropriate books and thought leaders.
Here are several essential books that serve as guiding lights for couples therapists and individuals alike:
"The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist" by Debbie Mirza: Mirza's insightful exploration sheds light on the covert tactics employed by narcissists to control and manipulate their partners. Through real-life examples and practical advice, she offers readers a roadmap for recognizing and healing from covert narcissistic abuse.
"Disarming the Narcissist" by Wendy T. Behary: Behary's work delves into the intricacies of narcissistic personality disorder, offering strategies for disarming selfish behaviors and fostering healthier relationship dynamics. I like her approach. It emphasizes empathy, boundary-setting, and self-care as essential tools for navigating relationships with narcissists.
"The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists" by Eleanor Payson: Drawing parallels between the characters in "The Wizard of Oz" and selfish individuals, Payson provides a compelling framework for understanding and addressing narcissistic behavior patterns. Her book offers practical insights and coping strategies for individuals entangled in relationships with covert narcissists.
Additional thought leaders speaking on Covert Narcissism…
In addition to these enlightening books, several more thought leaders contribute invaluable insights to the discourse on Covert Narcissism:
Dr. Ramani Durvasula: Renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula is, perhaps, the leading voice in the field of narcissistic abuse and personality disorders. Through her YouTube channel, books, and media appearances, she educates individuals and professionals alike on recognizing and healing from narcissistic relationships.
Dr. Les Carter: With decades of experience in counseling individuals and couples, Dr. Les Carter offers practical guidance for navigating relationships with narcissists. His compassionate approach emphasizes self-awareness, assertiveness, and boundary-setting as essential components of healthy relationship dynamics.
Dr. Craig Malkin: Psychologist and author Dr. Craig Malkin specializes in the study of narcissism and empathy. I’ve written about his research-based insights in a previous post.
Dr Malkin explores the spectrum of narcissism, ranging from healthy to pathological, and offers a nuanced understanding of selfish behavior and its impact on relationships and the resulting empathy deficits.
Final thoughts
We are slogging through a technologically-induced cultural swamp of self-absorption, Covert Narcissism, and robust solipsism.
Confronting the complexities of Covert Narcissism on the clinical couch requires both insight and empathy.
By drawing upon the wisdom shared by leading authors and thought leaders, couples therapists can best empower their clients to recognize, navigate, and heal from narcissistic relationships.
But perhaps most importantly, by referring them to the ample and low-cost psychoeducational provided by qualified thought leaders on Covert Narcissism, I believe we can help their suffering spouses assess their options better.
Through education, validation, and support, the Community of Mental Health Practice can guide long-suffering partners of Covert Narcissism toward reclaiming their sense of self-worth and perhaps fostering healthier, more fulfilling relationships or ending toxic ones.
Be well, stay kind and Godspeed.
