The Self-Control Paradox: Why Wanting More Self-Control Is Like Wishing for a Million Dollars Right After You’ve Gone Broke

Friday, August 23, 2024.

Ever found yourself face-to-face with a cheesecake, wishing you had more self-control? Or perhaps during an online shopping spree at 2 a.m., when you’ve just added another “must-have” item to your cart?

If you have, then congratulations—you’re just like the rest of us who fantasize about ironclad self-control exactly when it’s too late.

Ah, the irony. The tricky thing about the desire for self-control is that it tends to arrive at the worst possible moment, like a surprise bill after a splurge or the sudden realization that you might need a gym membership while struggling to lift your grocery bags.

Research shows that our thirst for self-control peaks precisely when our reserves are at rock bottom. So, just when you need to channel your inner zen master, your self-control is off somewhere taking a nap.

The Art of Procrastinating on Self-Improvement

Dr. Liad Uziel, the mastermind behind this revelation, probably chuckled to himself as he explained that the wish for more self-control can be beneficial—if it shows up in the middle of a calm, rational moment when you’re not standing in front of the fridge at midnight.

It turns out that self-control is like a muscle you have to train long before you’re actually called to lift something heavy, like your willpower to resist that cheesecake.

As Uziel puts it, “Changing one’s self-control is a journey, not a one-shot occurrence.” Translation? If you’re hoping that simply wishing for more self-control will magically help you navigate the next dessert menu, think again.

Trapped by Your Own Desires

And if that wasn’t enough to make you sigh into your cup of coffee, there’s also something called the “self-control trap.” (Yes, it’s as bad as it sounds.) This trap is the cruel twist of fate where wanting more self-control actually drains the little you have left. Think of it as the universe’s way of saying, “Oh, you want to resist that second slice of cake? Well, now you’re definitely going to eat it.”

Here’s how it works: When you desperately want more self-control, your brain interprets that as evidence that you don’t have any. Suddenly, your confidence nosedives faster than your resolve, and before you know it, you’re binge-watching Netflix instead of working on that project due tomorrow.

Escaping the Self-Control Bermuda Triangle

But don’t despair just yet! There are a few tricks to dodge this self-control booby trap:

• Lower your expectations: If you can’t have more self-control, just work with what you’ve got. It’s like making peace with the fact that your phone battery won’t make it through the day.

• Motivate yourself: Tie your goals to something that actually excites you—like treating yourself to a reward that isn’t cake-related.

• Plan ahead: Make very specific plans, or as psychologists like to call them, “implementation intentions.” Fancy, right? This is just a pretentious way of saying, “Plan your Netflix binge after you’ve finished your work.”

• Think small: If a task seems monumental, break it down until it feels manageable—like convincing yourself that a 5-minute workout counts as exercise.

Other hacks include self-affirmation and thinking about your goals in abstract terms—like imagining how great you’ll feel when you finally resist that cheesecake.

So, the next time you find yourself wishing for more self-control, just remember: it’s a journey, not a race. And if all else fails, at least you’ve got a good excuse for that second slice.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Uziel, L., Simon, S., & Schmidt, F. (2021). The self-control paradox: How the desire for self-control can undermine self-control. Motivation Science. https://doi.org/10.1037/mot0000235