The power of gratitude and appreciation in a committed relationship …Part 1

Sunday, July 30, 2023.

A felt sense of gratitude protects couples from divorce and reduces the damaging effects of poor communication

• Gratitude is a key ingredient to any marriage, the same study finds.

The conclusions come from the study also mentioned in Part 2. It is a survey of 468 married study subjects., 300 of whom were African American.

They were asked questions about their financial well-being, how they communicated and their expressions of gratitude.

Director of the study. Dr. Ted Futis, discussed the findings:

“We found that feeling appreciated and believing that your spouse values you directly influences how you feel about your marriage, how committed you are to it, and your belief that it will last.”

Gratitude was consistently found to predict the quality of the marriage, said Dr. Allen Barton:

“It goes to show the power of saying ‘thank you.’.Even if a couple is experiencing distress and difficulty in other areas, gratitude in the relationship can help promote positive marital outcomes.”

• The study found that gratitude protected couples from divorce and reduced the damaging effects of poor communication.

• Demand/withdraw communication is one particularly negative form of interaction, Dr Barton explained:

“Demand/withdraw communication occurs when one partner tends to demand, nag or criticize, while the other responds by withdrawing or avoiding the confrontation.

Although wife demand/husband withdraw interactions appear more commonly in couples, in the current study we found financial distress was associated with lower marital outcomes through its effects on increasing the total amount of both partners’ demand/withdraw interactions.”

Dr Futris added:

“When couples are stressed about making ends meet, they are more likely to engage in negative ways–they are more critical of each other and defensive, and they can even stop engaging or withdraw from each other, which can then lead to lower marital quality.”

But gratitude offers a real boon, according to Dr Futris:

“Importantly, we found that when couples are engaging in a negative conflict pattern like demand/withdrawal, expressions of gratitude and appreciation can counteract or buffer the negative effects of this type of interaction on marital stability.”

Other studies have found that gratitude inoculates a couple against negativity and that couples who express gratitude to each other rate their marriages as higher quality.

• Being grateful to your partner works as an instant ‘booster shot’ for relationships, research finds.

Among couples, feeling grateful leads to improved relationship satisfaction and connection the very next day, according to recent research.

Gottman talks about “small things, often.”

• Little thoughtful gestures by one partner — like a back rub, a cup of coffee, a hug, or reaching out to hold hands — all these little acts of kindness feen and nurture feelings of gratitude.

Feeling grateful then changes the brain chemistry, which shifts human attention to the hopeful and positive.

Dr Sara Algoe, said:

“Feelings of gratitude and generosity are helpful in solidifying our relationships with people we care about, and benefit to the one giving as well as the one on the receiving end.”

The study tracked the day-to-day experiences of 65 couples in ongoing, committed relationships.

The results showed that the effects of gratefulness could be seen the next day, in terms of increased relationship satisfaction.

Partners responded strongly when shown their needs were being acknowledged.

Dr Algoe summed it up this way:

“Gratitude triggers a cascade of responses within the person who feels it in that very moment, changing the way the person views the generous benefactor, as well as motivations toward the benefactor.

This is especially true when a person shows that they care about the partner’s needs and preferences.”

• In Part 2, I’ll discuss how a felt sense of appreciation and gratitude is prophylactic against the malefic impact of stress, which is a huge vulnerability for many African American families. We-ness Saves!

RESEARCH:

Allen W Barton, August Ida Christine Jenkins, Qiujie Gong, Naya C Sutton, Steven RH Beach, The protective effects of perceived gratitude and expressed gratitude for relationship quality among African American couples, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 10.1177/02654075221131288, 40, 5, (1622-1644), (2022).