We-ness Saves! The power of gratitude and appreciation in a committed relationship …Part 2

Sunday, July 30, 2023.

• The conclusions offered here come from the study also mentioned in Part 1.

• Humans who feel appreciated by their partner are more deeply satisfied with their relationships, research finds.

• One reason is that a perceived sense of gratitude has a powerfully protective effect against the everyday ups and downs of an intimate bond.

• Couples who feel an abiding sense of gratitude in their intimate relationship were measurably mentally healthier. They are in better psychological shape.. and they are more confident and emotionally regulated.

How the study was conducted

What I really liked about this research was that it didn’t focus on rich white folk. This research included over 300 African American study subjects, many of whom were financially stressed by a low family income.

This is in contrast to the sh*t load of recent research that has tended to focus excessively on knowledge workers, which I feel sometimes skewed important research by included too many white, relatively affluent, couples.

• Dr Allen W. Barton, the study’s first author, explained its intent behind the study design:

“In the current study, we wanted to examine the effects of both perceived and expressed gratitude and whether perceived gratitude works similarly with a different demographic population.”

Amen to that.

• It’s one thing to feel gratitude when your financially comfortable. It’s another to feel situational gratitude and appreciation when you’re struggling to meet the ends.

• The results showed that people who experienced greater levels of gratitude from their spouses were more satisfied with their intimate relationships, to be even more specific, they argued less, and had stable, emotionally regulated conversations more often.

Gratitude has a powerful, prophylactic effect against stress

A sense of appreciation and gratitude inoculates a committed couple against the worst effects of stress.

Dr. Barton reported:

“Even if the couple’s negative communication increased — provided they still felt appreciated by their partner — their relationship quality did not decline as much over time.

That becomes really important because not every couple is going to be great at communication, particularly when things get heated or intense, or hit a home run with resolving conflicts.”

The problem of perceived versus expressed gratitude

• This finding was incredibly interesting. Despite whatever New Age BS you may have heard, there was no protective effect against stress of in the expression of gratitude, The salutary impact was only correlated with the perception of your spouse’s gratitude.

• Let your partner see and feel your appreciation and gratitude, and you’ll be saving their nervous system from the worst impacts of modern life. Perceived gratitude and “we-ness” saves lives.

Perceived gratitude is harder to work on than expressed gratitude. Here are some concrete AF ideas:

“Be sure to make compliments that are sincere and genuine.

And ask your partner if there are any areas in which they feel their efforts aren’t being appreciated or acknowledged and start expressing appreciation for those.” Dr. Barton.

• We-ness works! …I can help with that! Thrive well and Godspeed!

RESEARCH:

Allen W Barton et al, The protective effects of perceived gratitude and expressed gratitude for relationship quality among African American couples, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (2022). DOI:10.1177/02654075221131288

Journal information: Journal of Social and Personal Relationships