New research from Israel on the emotion which inoculates against infidelity…

Sunday, July 30, 2023.

New research from Israel suggests that a felt sense of empathy toward your partner dampens the temptation to cheat with an attractive other when the opportunity suddenly presents itself.

The profoundly unplanned opportunity…

Humans with empathy for their partner can readily take their partner’s perspective. Consequently, they typically feel an increased sense of commitment and greater resistance to yellow zone behaviors like flirting and prolonged eye contact with attractive others.

• A strong sense of partner empathy dissuades humans from entering into compromising situations with attractive others.

Researchers are fascinated with why humans cheat, and I’m the first to admit that the research is complicated.

While humans cheat on their partners for many complex reasons, certain themes tend to dominate.

• However, research suggests that men sometimes cheat because they feel their sexual needs are not being met.

• Women, more reliably, tend to report that they are unfaithful because their emotional needs feel neglected. Cheating sometimes emerges situationally, explained Professor Gurit Birnbaum:

“People often cheat not because they planned to do so. Rather, the opportunity presented itself and they were too depleted — too tired, too drunk, too distracted — to fight the temptation.”

How the Study Was Conducted

Perspective-taking was the name of this study, which included over 200 couples in Israel; some of them were asked to take their partner’s perspective, and others were not.

They were then given tests to detect their interest in attractive strangers.

• The results revealed that people who took their partner’s perspective were more committed to their own partner and less interested in looking elsewhere.

Professor Harry Reis, study co-author, also weighed in:

“Perspective taking doesn’t prevent you from cheating, but it lessens the desire to do so.[Cheating involves] prioritizing one’s own goals over the good of the partner and the relationship, so seeing things from the other person’s perspective gives one a more balanced view of these situations.

• Dr Birnbaum summarized the findings:

…Active consideration of how romantic partners may be affected by these situations serves as a strategy that encourages people to control their responses to attractive alternative partners and derogate their attractiveness.

People invariably feel better understood, and that makes it easier to resolve disagreements, to be appropriately but not intrusively helpful, and to share joys and accomplishments.It’s one of those skills that can help people see the ‘us’ — rather than the ‘me and you’ — in a relationship.”

• Once again, research confirms the critical importance of a sense of “we-ness.”

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

RESEARCH:

Gurit E. Birnbaum, Tammy Bachar, Gal F. Levy, Kobi Zholtack & Harry T. Reis (2022) Put Me in Your Shoes: Does Perspective-Taking Inoculate Against the Appeal of Alternative Partners?, The Journal of Sex Research, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2022.2150998

Apostolou M, Christoforou C. (2021). Partner's traits which motivate people to stay in an intimate relationship: An explorative analysis. Personality and Individual Differences, 183, 111155. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S019188692100