The Great Dating Game: Confessions, Disgust, and a Sprinkle of Kindness
Wednesday, August 21, 2024.
Dating—the magical world where we all try to show off our best selves, like peacocks fanning their feathers, but with less color and more awkwardness.
But what happens when the mask slips a little, and we’re forced to admit that we’re not all perfect angels?
What if we had to come clean about something a little less glamorous, like, say, questionable hygiene or a slight tendency to stretch the truth?
Well, grab some popcorn because a recent study published in Telematics and Informatics has investigated this dilemma in depth, and the results are both eye-opening and just a little bit hilarious.
Spoiler alert: Men are more likely to admit to smelling funky, while women might confess to the occasional moral faux pas. Let’s take a stroll through the highlights, shall we?
The Setup: The Dating Game, But Make It Research
Picture this: 1,017 brave souls from Poland and the United States, all around 28 years old on average, were recruited to play a dating simulation game. No, this wasn’t “The Bachelor: PhD Edition,” but rather a clever way for researchers to understand how we manage our self-presentation when we’re trying to impress a date. The game was simple: choose from different dialogue options to reveal either positive traits (think kindness, artistic talent) or less-than-pleasant ones (we’ll get to those in a moment).
The virtual dates responded predictably—smile and nod for the good stuff, grimace and cringe for the not-so-good. But here’s where things get interesting: when faced with the choice of revealing their not-so-charming qualities, men and women didn’t quite see eye to eye.
The Dirty Truth: Who Confesses What?
Let’s start with the fellas. According to the study, men were more likely to admit to what the researchers called “pathogenically disgusting behaviors.” Translation? Guys were more inclined to come clean about things like poor hygiene—think smelly socks, unbrushed teeth, or the occasional questionable use of deodorant (or lack thereof).
Now, before you start imagining a world full of smelly men proudly proclaiming their stench, it’s important to note that these admissions were part of a strategy. Yes, it turns out that men might prefer to admit to being a little ripe rather than owning up to something more, well, morally shady.
And the ladies? Women in the study were more likely to fess up to “morally disgusting behaviors.” That’s right—when it came to ‘fess up time, women were more inclined to admit to telling a fib, manipulating a situation, or even the occasional petty theft (we’re talking moral lapses, not grand larceny).
So, while men might be saying, “Hey, I didn’t shower today, but I’m super nice!” women might counter with, “I may have told a little white lie, but look how talented I am!” Ah, the dance of dating—always a delicate balance.
But Wait, There’s More!
One might assume that when it came to sexual indiscretions, men and women would show some major differences, right? Well, not so fast.
The study found no significant difference between the sexes in the frequency of admitting to sexual transgressions.
Surprising? The researchers thought so too, especially given the general assumption that men and women approach sexual openness differently.
As for the positive traits, women were more likely to highlight their artistic abilities—because who doesn’t love a creative spirit?
Men, on the other hand, leaned into their kindness. And surprisingly, both men and women were pretty evenly matched when it came to flaunting their looks or financial prospects. Apparently, boasting about your bank account or your mirror-worthiness is a bit too cliché these days.
The Role of Sexual Orientation
The study didn’t stop at just sex differences; it also looked at how sexual orientation influenced these self-presentation strategies.
Folks with higher Kinsey scores (indicating a higher degree of non-heterosexual orientation) were less likely to choose morally disgusting dialogue options. It seems that in the dating game, being cautious about revealing morally questionable traits might be more critical for those who already face societal biases.
What Does It All Mean?
So, what’s the takeaway from all of this?
According to study author Michal Mikolaj Stefanczyk, it’s all about perception.
Men and women may differ in how they perceive the severity of their transgressions and how they think others will perceive them. Men seem to believe that admitting to a little dirt under the fingernails (literally) is less damaging than confessing to moral lapses, while women might see the opposite.
But here’s the kicker: this study only scratches the surface. The participants were primarily from WEIRD (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic) societies, so there’s still a whole world of cultural differences to explore.
Would the results be the same in a different cultural context? Maybe, maybe not. But one thing’s for sure—dating dynamics are as complex as they are entertaining.
Final Thoughts
So, should you be rethinking your dating strategy? Not necessarily. After all, we all have our quirks, and it’s those very quirks that make us human. Whether you’re the type to admit to a few moral missteps or someone who just needs a gentle reminder to shower before a date, the key is to be authentic—because at the end of the day, that’s what really matters.
And who knows? Maybe your future partner will find your honesty refreshing—whether you’re confessing to a slightly dodgy moral compass or just admitting that you skipped laundry day. In the game of love, a little humor and honesty can go a long way.
So, next time you’re getting ready for a date, just remember: be kind, be honest, and for goodness’ sake, take a shower.
REFERENCES:
Stefanczyk, M. M., Conroy-Beam, D., Ujma, B., Walter, K. V., Zborowska, Z., & Sorokowska, A. (2024). Disgust in the mating context: Choosing the best and the least bad self-presentation option in a date simulation game. Telematics and Informatics. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tele.2024.101736
