The Golden Parent and the Last Golden Child : The Narcissistic Circus Act You Didn’t Know You Were In

Sunday, August 11, 2024. This is for the former LS, who still fights the good fight.

If you’ve ever found yourself in a family dynamic where one parent seems to command all the attention, praise, and emotional energy—often at the expense of everyone else—you might be living in a Golden Parent and Inverted Family Pyramid situation.

Imagine a circus act where the spotlight shines on one performer, while the rest of the family strains under the weight of holding them up, with their own needs and identities crushed beneath the pressure.

Spoiler alert: this show doesn’t end well for anyone involved.

Meet the Golden Parent and the Last Golden Child: Narcissism at Its Finest

In the topsy-turvy world of the Golden Parent, family life isn’t about nurturing relationships or fostering growth.

It’s about feeding the insatiable ego of one parent, who believes the universe—and by extension, the family—revolves around them.

This parent isn’t just the head of the family; they’re the sun, moon, and stars, demanding constant attention, praise, and emotional support.

When it come to research on narcissistic family dynamics, I like the work of Dr. Karyl McBride. She highlights how the Golden Parent fosters an environment of emotional neglect, where the children’s needs are secondary to the parent's desire for admiration and control.

Narcissistic parenting is characterized by a lack of empathy, an overbearing need for admiration, and an unhealthy sense of entitlement—traits that warp the family structure into something resembling a circus more than a healthy home.

The Inverted Family Pyramid: A Gravity-Defying Feat of Dysfunction

Picture an inverted pyramid with the Golden Parent perched precariously on top. This pyramid doesn’t just defy gravity; it defies sanity.

The children, tasked with supporting this impossible structure, find themselves straining under the weight of their parent's delusions of grandeur. Instead of providing a stable foundation, this family structure places the emotional burden squarely on the children’s shoulders, with their needs buried deep beneath the parent’s insatiable appetite for validation.

According to a study by Horton, Bleau, and Drwecki, children in such environments often develop a diminished sense of self-worth, as their primary role becomes that of emotional caretakers rather than children.

This role reversal is not just unhealthy—it’s a recipe for psychological turmoil that can extend well into adulthood. The inverted pyramid is a visual metaphor for a family system that’s as unsustainable as it is dysfunctional, with the inevitable collapse causing long-lasting emotional damage.

The Sibling Scapegoats: Cast Members in a Never-Ending Drama

Within this inverted pyramid, siblings often fall into well-worn roles that serve the Golden Parent’s narrative.

The golden child reflects the parent’s inflated self-image, showered with praise not for their own accomplishments but for how well they mirror the parent's imagined greatness.

Meanwhile, the Scapegoat is the designated fall guy for all the family’s problems, shouldering the blame for everything that goes wrong—whether it’s a bad day or a global catastrophe.

Research by Byrne and O’Brien on family roles in narcissistic households shows that this dynamic isn’t just anecdotal; it’s a documented pattern.

The Golden Child often develops their own narcissistic traits, perpetuating the cycle, while the Scapegoat may struggle with issues of low self-esteem and identity confusion well into adulthood.

This toxic dynamic ensures that the family remains unbalanced, with the Golden Parent maintaining control through manipulation and favoritism.

The Pyramid Scheme: Why This Circus Act is Destined to Fail

Here’s where things get even more twisted: the inverted pyramid, much like any Ponzi scheme, is inherently unsustainable. The constant emotional drain on the children can’t go on forever.

Eventually, something has to give, and it’s usually the children's mental health. They grow up, they move out (if they’re lucky), and they seek therapy to untangle the mess that’s been made of their self-worth.

And the Golden Parent? They’re left confused and wondering why the applause has died down, oblivious to the fact that their house of cards has finally collapsed.

A study by Tracy and Robins on the long-term effects of narcissistic parenting highlights the emotional fallout for children who grow up in these environments.

These children often struggle with issues of self-identity, emotional regulation, and forming healthy relationships. The pyramid may hold up for a while, but the collapse is inevitable—and when it happens, the damage is profound and far-reaching.

Escaping the Pyramid Scheme: Steps to Reclaim Your Life

If you’ve recognized your own family in this description, take heart—you’re not alone, and there is a way out of the circus. The first step is acknowledging the dysfunction and understanding that you don’t have to participate in the act.

Setting boundaries, seeking therapy, and, in some cases, walking away are all valid options. Because here’s the thing: life is too short to be spent holding up someone else’s inflated ego.

In his book Healing from Family Rifts, author Mark Sichel discusses the importance of setting boundaries and reclaiming your own narrative when breaking free from toxic family dynamics.

This may involve redefining your role within the family, or it might mean creating distance to protect your emotional well-being. The good news is that you can step out of the ring and leave the circus behind—there’s a whole world out there beyond the Big Top, and it’s yours for the taking.

Final Thoughts

In the end, the Golden Parent and Inverted Family Pyramid is nothing more than a circus act—a dysfunctional performance that serves one person at the expense of everyone else.

But unlike the circus, there’s no thrill, no excitement, just a never-ending grind that leaves everyone exhausted and empty. The good news? You don’t have to keep playing your part.

You can leave the Big Top, set your boundaries, and build a life where you’re the star of your own story—not just a background performer in someone else’s narcissistic show.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Byrne, M., & O’Brien, E. J. (2007). Family environment and the development of narcissism: The role of parenting and parental attachment. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(2), 365-370.

Horton, R. S., Bleau, G., & Drwecki, B. (2006). Parenting as an antecedent of narcissism: Empirical evidence for the child-parent relationship. Journal of Personality, 74(4), 887-916.

McBride, K. (2008). Will I ever be good enough? Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers. Atria Books.

Sichel, M. (2004). Healing from family rifts: Ten steps to finding peace after being cut off from a family member. McGraw-Hill.

Tracy, J. L., & Robins, R. W. (2004). Putting the self into self-conscious emotions: A theoretical model. Psychological Inquiry, 15(2), 103-125.