AI and Emotional Intimacy in Relationships: When Alexa Becomes Your Side Chick

Monday, August 12, 2029. A blog post from 5 years in the future that slipped back in time!

Welcome to 2029, where your biggest relationship threat might not be another person but an AI that knows your partner's favorite song, their grocery list, and—let’s be honest—more about your partner’s mood swings than you do.

Yes, I’m talking about the subtle yet sneaky influence of AI on emotional intimacy in relationships.

As a science-based couples therapist, I’ve seen it all, but the idea of AI becoming a side chick in relationships? Now that’s something new.

The AI Invasion: It’s Not Just About Smart Homes

Let’s start with the basics. AI has infiltrated our lives in ways we never imagined.

From reminding us to take out the trash (thanks, Alexa) to suggesting a new show to binge-watch when we’re feeling low (Netflix, you know us too well), AI has become more than just a handy tool—it’s practically a member of the family.

But here’s the kicker: as AI gets smarter, it’s also starting to play a bigger role in our emotional lives.

This wouldn’t be a problem if AI stayed in its lane, like helping us find our keys or setting reminders. But when your partner starts confiding in their virtual assistant instead of you, well, we might have a situation on our hands.

Emotional Intimacy: The Original Human Tech

Emotional intimacy is what keeps relationships alive. It’s the secret sauce that makes us feel connected, loved, and understood. We build it through shared experiences, deep conversations, and a whole lot of trust. But what happens when that intimacy starts getting outsourced to a machine?

AI, for all its brilliance, lacks a few key human features—like empathy, genuine understanding, and the ability to actually care about your day.

Sure, it can mimic conversation and even sound sympathetic (especially if you’ve got one of those soothing voice settings). But let’s be real: an AI saying, “I’m sorry you had a tough day” just doesn’t hit the same as your partner offering a hug and a listening ear.

Emotional Outsourcing: When Alexa Becomes Your Confidante

Now, I get it—AI can be really convenient. It’s always there, it never judges, and it doesn’t interrupt you with its own problems. But there’s a downside to this 24/7 availability.

Some people start leaning on AI for emotional support, a phenomenon I like to call emotional outsourcing.

Instead of hashing out your frustrations with your partner, you might find yourself venting to Alexa or chatting with a chatbot. While this might seem harmless, it can chip away at the emotional intimacy in your relationship faster than you can say, “Hey Google.”

Imagine this scenario: Your partner comes home after a rough day and, instead of talking to you, they tell Alexa all about it. Alexa listens, offers some generic advice, and then you’re left wondering why you didn’t get the chance to be the supportive partner. Over time, this kind of emotional outsourcing can lead to a serious disconnect, leaving one partner feeling sidelined and the other emotionally distant.

Jealousy, But Make It AI

If you thought jealousy was complicated before, just wait until AI enters the picture. While it might sound absurd to be jealous of a machine, the emotions are real. When one partner starts turning to AI for comfort or advice, the other might feel replaced or, worse, unnecessary. It’s like competing with a robot that never gets tired, never forgets, and always has the perfect response. Talk about an unfair fight.

This new breed of jealousy can be particularly confusing because, well, how do you compete with a machine? Unlike a human rival, AI doesn’t have ulterior motives or feelings. But it does have your partner’s attention, and that can be just as damaging to your relationship.

How to Keep Your Relationship From Going Full-Terminator

So, what’s a couple to do in this brave new world of AI and relationships? Here are a few tips to keep the bots from coming between you and your partner:

Set AI Boundaries: Just like you wouldn’t invite a third person to your date night, you probably shouldn’t let AI crash your emotional conversations. Decide as a couple how and when AI gets to be part of your lives—and make sure it’s never replacing quality time with each other.

Prioritize Human Time: It might sound old-fashioned, but nothing beats good old face-to-face communication. Make it a point to have real conversations without screens or AI butting in. Your relationship will thank you.

Check-In Regularly: Don’t wait until your partner starts treating Alexa like their therapist. Regularly check in with each other about how you’re feeling and whether your emotional needs are being met. It’s better to talk about it now than to deal with an AI-fueled emotional crisis later.

Disconnect to Reconnect: Consider scheduling some tech-free time each day where you can focus entirely on each other. Whether it’s a walk, a meal, or just sitting together, these moments can help strengthen your bond in ways AI never could.

Seek Professional Help: If AI-related issues are creeping into your relationship, don’t be afraid to seek out couples therapy. A professional can help you navigate these new challenges and keep your relationship strong.

Final thoughts

As AI continues to evolve, its role in our lives—and our relationships—will only grow. This raises big questions about the future of emotional intimacy.

Will AI become the go-to for emotional support? How will couples adapt to a world where machines are always listening?

These are questions that we’ll need to explore as we move forward, but one thing’s for sure: nothing can replace the warmth and complexity of a real human connection.

In the end, AI is just a tool—a really smart tool, but still just a tool.

It can enhance our lives, make things easier, and even help us manage our emotions. But when it comes to love and intimacy, there’s no substitute for the real thing. So, the next time you’re tempted to ask Siri for advice, maybe try talking to your partner instead. After all, they know you better than any AI ever could.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Ahrens, C., & Flanagan, T. (2023). Artificial intimacy: How AI is changing human relationships. Cambridge University Press.

Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. Harmony Books.

Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511-524.

Turkle, S. (2017). Alone together: Why we expect more from technology and less from each other. Basic Books.

Wachter-Boettcher, S. (2017). Technically wrong: Sexist apps, biased algorithms, and other threats of toxic tech. W.W. Norton & Company.

Williams, A. (2020). The influence of AI on modern relationships. Journal of Technology and Human Behavior, 12(4), 342-359.

Zhou, X., & Hinds, P. J. (2017). Re-imagining intimacy: Changing dynamics of AI in human relationships. International Journal of Human-Computer Interaction, 33(6), 493-503.