Huge mega-study reveals the 5 best ways to improve your relationship…
Saturday, November 11, 2023. This one is for my friend Jerry and his family who are often in my thoughts.
My best friend Jerry is a thought leader in the technical school industry. His company, Universal Technical Institute, cranks out the young technicians and mechanics we crave to keep civilization progressing ever forward.
I like to think of marriage and family therapy programs as another technical school of sorts. Committed relationships ( we used to call them marriages) are like fine automobiles in that require preventative maintenance to hum with satisfaction…
So with that metaphor in mind, here are the 5 best ways to improve your relationship are revealed by a review of 35 different psychology studies on over 12000 humans (ok, 12,273).:
They are as follows:
Be open and disclosing the gamut of your feelings, both positive and not so much…
Be optimistic, positive, and playful.
Be in it to win it. assure your partner you are committed.
Share household chores.
…And please share your social network.
A very interesting finding…
I have a deep admiration for the study’s lead author Professor Brian Ogolsky, I’ve often written about his fascinating work. Brian said:
It’s essential that your partner notice thesespecific behaviors, or the effort is wasted.
“Relationships are like cars in that you have to do certain things to keep them running, especially when your goal is to strengthen and preserve your bond with your partner.” Brian Olgolsky
Being open involves both sharing your feelings as well as be curious eough to safely explore your spouse’s emotions as well.
Professor Ogolsky said:
“It’s also important to assure your partner that you’re in the relationship for the long haul, to divide household chores and responsibilities equally, and to make an effort to include your partner’s friends and family in some of your activities.”
Professor Ogolsky explained the benefits of using these strategies:
“Persons who use any of these maintenance strategies will not only be more satisfied with and committed to their relationship, they are also likely to continue to love and, yes, even like each other throughout its duration.”
Letting your partner see the effort you are making is crucial…
Brian offers a scenario for our consideration:
“Say you’ve arrived home from work and your intention all day has been to buy some flowers for your partner and surprise her with dinner.. Then you get wrapped up in a business phone call and your good intentions fall by the wayside.
You may feel as if you’ve put considerable effort into your relationship, but your partner didn’t see it so it does you no good.”
Even relatively modest efforts can be beneficial, said Professor Ogolsky:
“Even a small attempt at maintenance, such as asking how your partner’s day was, sending a humorous text to make him laugh, or picking up the phone and calling your mother- or father-in-law, can have a positive impact on your relationship and make you happier.”
This is what Gottman calls small things..often.
Thanks Brian… as usual.. you rock!
Be well, change your oil, stay kind, and Godspeed down the highway of life!
RESEARCH:
Ogolsky, B. G., & Bowers, J. R. (2013). A meta-analytic review of relationship maintenance and its correlates. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 30(3), 343-367. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407512463338
