10 Signs that you have an Avoidant Attachment Style…

Tuesday, March 26, 2024.

10 Signs That You Have an Avoidant Attachment Style: Understanding the Dynamics Beyond Dismissiveness

Among the various Attachment Styles identified by researchers, Avoidant Attachment is one of the less discussed yet profoundly impactful styles.

Often misunderstood as mere dismissiveness, Avoidant Attachment entails complex emotional dynamics that influence how humans interact with others.

Let’s discuss Avoidant Attachment and explore 10 signs that may indicate you possess this attachment style.

Reluctance to Commitment:

Those with Avoidant Attachment often exhibit a reluctance to commit to long-term relationships. This stems from a deep-seated fear of intimacy and vulnerability, leading them to maintain emotional distance from others.

According to Dr. Amir Levine, author of "Attached," individuals with Avoidant Attachment are wired to prioritize self-reliance and independence, making commitment a daunting prospect.

Preference for Independence:

People with Avoidant Attachment value their independence highly. They may prioritize personal space and autonomy over emotional closeness in relationships, often withdrawing when they feel suffocated by perceived emotional demands.

Dr. Sue Johnson, renowned for her work in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), notes that avoidant individuals tend to view dependency as a weakness, preferring self-sufficiency as a means of emotional protection.

Difficulty Expressing Emotions:

Dr. John Bowlby, the pioneer of attachment theory, suggests that individuals with Avoidant Attachment develop strategies to minimize emotional expression as a defense mechanism against perceived threats to their autonomy.

Fear of Intimacy:

Intimacy can evoke anxiety and discomfort in humans with Avoidant Attachment. They may struggle to form deep emotional connections, preferring shallow or superficial interactions to avoid the emotional risks associated with intimacy.

Dr. Mary Ainsworth, known for her groundbreaking research on attachment patterns, observed that Avoidant folks often exhibit a heightened fear of losing their sense of self within close relationships.

Emotional Detachment:

Avoidants may appear emotionally distant or aloof in relationships, maintaining a facade of independence while internally yearning for connection. They may struggle to empathize or connect with their partner's emotions.

Dr. Hal Shorey, a psychologist specializing in Attachment Theory, highlights that emotional detachment in avoidant individuals serves as a coping mechanism to protect against perceived emotional threats.

Discomfort with Intimacy:

Close proximity or emotional intimacy can trigger discomfort for those with Avoidant Attachment. They may struggle to navigate the inherent vulnerability of intimate relationships, often preferring to keep their distance.

Dr. Phillip Shaver, renowned for his research on adult attachment, suggests that Avoidants may tend to associate intimacy with loss of control, triggering feelings of anxiety and avoidance.

Tendency to Self-Soothe:

When faced with emotional distress, individuals with avoidant attachment tend to rely on self-soothing strategies rather than seeking comfort from others. They may retreat into solitude or engage in solitary activities to regulate their emotions.

Dr. R. Chris Fraley, a leading expert in adult attachment, emphasizes that Avoidants prioritize self-reliance to regulate their emotional experiences, often at the expense of seeking external support.

Reluctance to Trust:

Building trust can be a slow and challenging process for those with Avoidant Attachment. Past experiences of betrayal or rejection may fuel their skepticism toward others' intentions, making it difficult for them to let their guard down.

Dr. Cindy Hazan, known for her research on romantic attachment, suggests that Avoidants may approach relationships with a guarded mindset, wary of investing emotionally in others.

Preference for Solitude:

Avoidants often cherish solitude and independence, finding solace in their own company rather than seeking out social connections. They may prioritize alone time and solitary activities over social gatherings or group settings.

Dr. David Schnarch, a renowned couples therapist, highlights that Avoidants may struggle to balance their need for autonomy with the desire for intimacy, often defaulting to solitude as a means of emotional self-preservation.

Dismissive of Emotional Needs:

Due to their tendency to prioritize self-reliance, folks with Avoidant Attachment may dismiss or minimize their own emotional needs. They may perceive vulnerability or dependency as signs of weakness, opting to suppress or ignore their emotions altogether.

Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps, a clinical psychologist specializing in relationships, emphasizes that Avoidants may struggle to acknowledge and validate their own emotional experiences, leading to a cycle of emotional suppression and detachment.

Final thoughts

Understanding the nuances of Avoidant Attachment goes beyond the simplistic label of "dismissive." For Avoidants, Love means solving your own problems and not burdening others.

About 20% of humanity experiences Avoidant Attachment. It’s a complex interplay of emotional avoidance, fear of intimacy, and an often deeply misunderstood self-reliance rooted in past experiences and attachment dynamics.

By appreciating the underlying mechanisms of Avoidant Attachment, we can begin to navigate our relationship patterns more consciously and cultivate healthier, more fulfilling connections with our life partners.

How many signs of Avoidant Attachment do you have?

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.