The "Relationship Goals" Meme:
Wednesday, August 14, 2024.
It’s hard to escape the "relationship goals" meme—those picture-perfect snapshots of love that flood our social media feeds, making us question why our last romantic gesture involved splitting the check at a chain restaurant.
But beyond the glossy images and hashtag overload, what does this meme really say about our culture, our relationships, and, dare we say, our narcissism?
Let’s dive into this digital phenomenon with a blend of serious inquiry and a bit of humor.
The "Relationship Goals" Meme: What Are We Really Aiming For?
If you’ve spent more than five minutes on Instagram, you’ve likely encountered the "relationship goals" meme. It’s that montage of couples doing everything from sharing a sunset kiss on a secluded beach to laughing uncontrollably at something that’s surely way funnier than your last attempt at a joke. In online forums, these memes are discussed, dissected, and critiqued as the currency of modern love.
But here’s the catch: these "goals" are often more about appearances than substance. It's the digital equivalent of putting on your best outfit for a Zoom meeting while secretly wearing pajama pants (I plead the 5th).
The question we need to ask is: Are these images encouraging us to build better relationships, or are they just making us feel like we’re failing if we don’t have matching bathrobes and a golden retriever?
Cultural Narcissism: The Elephant in the Instagram Feed
Let’s talk about Cultural Narcissism, a concept that’s been around since the late 1970s, long before Instagram influencers started making us all feel inferior.
Christopher Lasch, in his book The Culture of Narcissism, warned that society was becoming increasingly self-obsessed, with people more interested in how they appear than who they actually are.
Fast forward to today, and it seems Lasch’s warnings have come true—only now, instead of worrying about keeping up with the Joneses, we’re trying to keep up with the Kardashians.
The "relationship goals" meme is a prime example of this Cultural Narcissism. Couples (or at least one person in the couple) curate their relationship for public consumption, emphasizing the highlights while the mundane, messy parts get cropped out—literally and figuratively. The result? Relationships that look flawless online but may not hold up under the harsh light of reality.
Social Comparison: The Thief of Joy (and Possibly Relationships)
Now, let’s bring in Leon Festinger’s social comparison theory, which suggests that we measure our worth by comparing ourselves to others.
It’s like when you were a kid and your friend got the latest toy, and suddenly, your perfectly good toy looked like a piece of junk. In the context of "relationship goals," this means constantly measuring your relationship against those idealized images, which can lead to dissatisfaction and even a sense of failure.
Here’s where the humor comes in—because we’ve all been there. You see a post of a couple having breakfast in bed, and meanwhile, your significant other can’t even bring their plate to the sink. Suddenly, your relationship feels like it’s lacking. But let’s be honest: even the couple with breakfast in bed probably had an argument over who got to post the picture first.
Race, Class, and Memes About "Relationship Goals": Do We All Want the Same Thing?
The idea that "relationship goals" are universal is as flawed as thinking everyone likes pineapple on pizza (spoiler: they don’t). In reality, what people consider "relationship goals" can vary widely depending on race, class, and cultural background.
Race and "Relationship Goals": For example, research suggests that African American couples often emphasize resilience, mutual respect, and community support in their relationships.
These goals reflect a collective history of overcoming adversity and the importance of community ties. In contrast, white, middle-class couples might focus more on personal fulfillment and individual growth—like finally convincing your partner to try yoga with you.
Class and "Relationship Goals": Socio-economic status also plays a role in shaping relationship ideals.
For lower-income couples, "relationship goals" might center around financial stability and shared responsibilities—essentially, making sure the bills get paid before splurging on that fancy dinner.
For wealthier couples, the focus might be on experiences that signal status, like a surprise weekend in Paris. (Because nothing says love like jet lag and overpriced croissants.)
These differences raise important questions:
Are "relationship goals" just another way of reinforcing social and economic divides?
How can we create more inclusive narratives that reflect the diverse realities of relationships?
The Impact on Real-Life Relationships: When "Goals" Become Pressure
Here’s the thing: the pressure to achieve these "relationship goals" can have real consequences.
While they might inspire some couples to work on their communication or plan more date nights, they can also lead to feelings of inadequacy. It’s like trying to live up to a New Year’s resolution that you know is doomed to fail.
The humor here is bittersweet—because while we might laugh at the ridiculousness of these online portrayals, the reality is that many couples feel the pressure to perform, to make their relationship look as perfect as the ones they see online. And that can strain even the healthiest partnerships.
Asking the Right Questions (Because We’re All About Self-Reflection)
As we navigate the world of "relationship goals," it’s essential to ask ourselves:
Are these goals really about what’s best for our relationships, or are they about impressing others?
How does the pursuit of these goals impact our ability to be authentic in our relationships?
In what ways can we redefine "relationship goals" to be more inclusive and less about appearances?
Final thoughts
The "relationship goals" meme may be fun to look at, but it’s important to remember that real relationships are complex, messy, and far from perfect.
Instead of striving for a curated ideal, let’s focus on what truly matters—like communication, trust, and yes, even the occasional argument over who does the dishes. Because at the end of the day, the best relationship goal is one that’s real, honest, and uniquely yours.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117-140.
Lasch, C. (1979). The Culture of Narcissism: American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations. W.W. Norton & Company.
Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2009). The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement. Free Press.
Smith, A., & Anderson, M. (2018). Social media use in 2018. Pew Research Center. Retrieved from https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2018/03/01/social-media-use-in-2018/
Perry, S. L., & Whitehead, A. L. (2015). For better or for worse? Gender ideology, religious commitment, and relationship quality. Journal of Family Issues, 36(3), 344-373.
Clayton, R. B., Nagurney, A., & Smith, J. R. (2013). Cheating, breakup, and divorce: Is Facebook use to blame? Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 16(10), 717-720.
