Limbic Happy vs. Soul Happy

Thursday, July 25, 2024.

As a marriage and family therapist, I've been grappling with a growing sense of dread about how we define happiness in our modern world.

This pervasive feeling isn't just a personal concern; it's a professional one.

I'm seeing more and more clients whose lives are overshadowed by a profound sense of unease and dissatisfaction, largely driven by an outdated and harmful notion of what happiness should be.

Our society's conventional definition of happiness often revolves around superficial achievements: money, fame, perfection, and winning at all costs.

This old paradigm, which I'll call Limbic Happy, sets us up for failure. It promises fulfillment but delivers emptiness, leaving us chasing an illusion.

In therapy sessions, I frequently encounter clients who have internalized these ideals. They believe that achieving perfection, accumulating wealth, and gaining social acclaim will lead to happiness. Yet, research and philosophy suggest a different approach. True happiness arises from authenticity and generosity—being true to oneself and contributing to the well-being of others.

One of the most poignant examples of this misguided pursuit is Ebenezer Scrooge from Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol." Initially, Scrooge epitomizes the Limbic Happy mindset, driven by greed and self-interest.

It takes supernatural intervention for him to realize that his definition of happiness is deeply flawed. Scrooge's transformation—shifting from a miserly recluse to a benevolent figure—is a powerful metaphor for what can happen when we redefine our notion of happiness.

Scrooge's story is fictional,but it resonates deeply with the real-life experiences of many of my clients. Many of them come into therapy hoping for some sort of epiphany.

The relentless pursuit of money and success often stems from a deep-seated sense of inadequacy, leading to isolation rather than fulfillment.

This realization can be startling, even devastating, prompting a desperate plea for change. Scrooge's awakening and subsequent transformation illustrate the profound impact of redefining one's pursuit of happiness, and escaping the clutches of Limbic Capitalism.

In my practice, I have the privilege of working with gifted and accomplished clients. I often ask clients how they were taught to define happiness.

The responses are remarkably similar and troublingly narrow, echoing the very ideals that left Scrooge isolated and miserable. Society tells us that happiness comes from being perfect, accumulating wealth, acquiring material possessions, conforming to societal expectations, working incessantly, gaining fame, and outcompeting others. This serves our Limbic Capitalist Masters to a tee.

However, these pursuits do not lead to lasting happiness. Perfectionism breeds anxiety and depression, materialism undermines well-being, overwork damages physical and mental health, and living inauthentically leads to profound dissatisfaction.

The quest for fame and fortune often obstructs the fulfillment of genuine psychological needs like authenticity and connection. Viewing life as a competition increases stress and loneliness.

Contrary to these destructive ideals, happiness is not something to be acquired, awaited, or bestowed by others.

It is found in living authentically and contributing to the happiness of others. Spiritual warriors through time and space have echoed this sentiment, emphasizing self-improvement and altruism as keys to a fulfilling life.

Modern science also supports this view.

Research shows that using one's unique strengths fosters happiness, personal growth, and self-expression.

Strong social connections enhance life satisfaction and longevity.

Integrating these elements leads to a sense of meaning and purpose, positively impacting the world and providing a sense of significance.

This understanding of happiness—what I call "Soul Happy"—is not entirely new.

Religious leaders such as the Buddha and Baháʼu'lláh advocated for similar principles. However, the application of these ideas in today's world, combined with insights from modern science, provides a comprehensive framework for genuine happiness.

Changing our definition of happiness can transform our lives.

It allows for moments of joy that build into days of fulfillment, creating a life that positively impacts others.

This transformation is not a distant dream; it's a tangible possibility. By redefining happiness, we can move away from the shadow of Limbic Happy and towards a life of true contentment and purpose and be Soul Happy.

As a therapist, I see the urgency of this shift every day. We need more soul.

It's time we redefine happiness not just for ourselves, but for the well-being of our society. Let's embrace being Soul Happy and find true fulfillment in authenticity and generosity.

As we continue to navigate this redefinition of happiness, it's essential to understand the practical steps we can take to incorporate being Soul Happy into our lives. This isn't just about changing our mindset; it's about transforming our daily actions and interactions.

What Do I Mean By Being Soul Happy?

Embracing Authenticity

Authenticity is at the heart of Soul Happy.

To live authentically means to understand and embrace who you truly are, rather than conforming to societal expectations or the roles others impose on you. This requires introspection and self-awareness.

In therapy, I encourage my clients to engage in activities that reflect their true selves and passions. This might involve pursuing hobbies, setting boundaries, or even changing career paths. Authentic living fosters a deep sense of satisfaction and reduces the cognitive dissonance that comes from living a life incongruent with one's values.

Building and Nurturing Relationships

The science is clear: social connections are a cornerstone of Soul Happiness.

Building meaningful relationships requires effort and vulnerability. It involves being present, listening, and showing genuine interest in others.

It also means being willing to share your own struggles and triumphs. In therapy, I often see folks struggling with loneliness despite being surrounded by people. This is usually because their interactions lack depth and authenticity. By fostering genuine connections, we can significantly enhance our well-being and be Soul Happy.

Contribution and Altruism

Giving of oneself is another critical aspect of being Soul Happy. This doesn’t necessarily mean grand gestures or philanthropy.

Small acts of kindness, volunteering, or simply being there for someone in need can profoundly affect our happiness. Altruism shifts the focus from self-centered pursuits to a broader perspective, creating a sense of purpose and connection to the community.

Cultivating Gratitude

Gratitude is another powerful sign of becoming Soul Happy.

Regularly reflecting on what we are grateful for can shift our focus from what we lack to what we have, fostering a sense of contentment. In therapy, I often recommend keeping a gratitude journal. This simple practice can transform one's outlook on life, making it easier to appreciate the present moment and find joy in everyday experiences.

Setting Realistic Goals

While ambition is not inherently negative, the relentless pursuit of unattainable goals can lead to chronic dissatisfaction.

Setting realistic, achievable goals helps maintain a sense of progress and accomplishment. It’s crucial to celebrate small victories and recognize the value of the journey, not just the destination. This approach reduces the pressure of perfectionism and promotes a healthier, more balanced perspective on success. Celebrating small successes is Soul Happy 101.

Balancing Work and Rest

In my practice, I see this time and time again. The culture of overwork is a significant contributor to stress and unhappiness. Balancing work and rest is vital for maintaining physical and mental health.

This balance includes taking breaks, setting boundaries to prevent burnout, and ensuring time for relaxation and hobbies.

Encouraging clients to prioritize self-care is a common theme in therapy. When we allow ourselves to rest and recharge, we become more effective and happier in our professional and personal lives. Resting the mind as well as your muscles is essential to becoming Soul Happy.

Mindfulness and Presence

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing, help anchor us in the present moment.

These practices reduce anxiety and increase awareness of our thoughts and feelings, allowing us to respond to life's challenges more effectively. In therapy, I integrate mindfulness techniques to help clients manage stress and cultivate a deeper sense of peace and presence.

Continuous Learning and Growth

Personal growth is a lifelong journey. Embracing new experiences, learning new skills, and challenging oneself intellectually and emotionally are vital components of happiness. A sense of Awe is the juice of being Soul Happy.

This growth mindset fosters resilience and adaptability, enabling us to navigate life's ups and downs with greater ease.

Redefining Success

Finally, redefining what success means on a personal level is crucial. Success should be aligned with personal values and well-being, not just societal standards of wealth and status. Being selfish about how you define your success is the pinnacle of being Soul Happy.

By redefining success to include happiness, fulfillment, and positive relationships, we can create a more holistic and satisfying life and be Soul Happy.

Implementing Soul Happy in Couples Therapy

In the context of couples therapy, integrating my Soul Happy principles can significantly improve relational dynamics.

Encouraging couples to be authentic with each other, foster deep connections, and contribute to each other's well-being can transform their relationship.

Celebrating small victories together, balancing work and rest, practicing mindfulness as a couple, and continuously growing together are all strategies that can enhance marital satisfaction.

By shifting the focus from the old, flawed definition of happiness to one that emphasizes authenticity, connection, and contribution, we can create more fulfilling lives and relationships.

This transformation requires conscious effort and a willingness to challenge deeply ingrained beliefs, but the rewards are profound.

As we redefine happiness, let us embrace being Soul Happy—an approach grounded in authenticity, connection, and generosity.

This path leads to true, lasting happiness, not just for ourselves but for the communities we are part of. Let's commit to this journey, supporting each other in the pursuit of a more meaningful and joyful life.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.