In praise of Dr. Howard Markman and his decades of relationship science…
7/17/23.
Howard J. Markman, Ph.D. is a John Evans Distinguished Professor of Psychology of the University of Denver and the Co-Director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies, and one of the leading couples research center in the known universe.
Although he may be a bit less famous than Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Markman is one of the most respected couples researchers on the planet.
I am wildly enthusiastic about the preventive and prophylactic nature of Dr. Markman’s research.
He is making major contributions to understanding the evolution of marital distress, and on research-based marriage education programs.
Development of the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP):
. Dr. Howard Markman has made significant contributions to our understanding of what makes relationships thrive. In this blog post, I will poke around some of his most important findings. His brilliant work is shedding light on key insights that can help couples foster healthy and fulfilling relationships.
Howard Markman, along with his colleagues, developed the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP), a groundbreaking intervention aimed at improving relationship quality and preventing marital distress.
PREP is a comprehensive educational program that equips couples with communication and problem-solving skills to help couples better navigate their conflicts more effectively and create more enduring bonds.
Markman's research demonstrated that couples who participated in PREP experienced higher relationship satisfaction and were more likely to maintain successful relationships compared to those who did not receive the intervention (Markman, Rhoades, Stanley, & Peterson, 2013).
This finding highlights the significance of proactive relationship education in promoting long-term relationship health. Marriage and relationship education programs can be an early resource for skill building in a marriage.
Identification of Risk Factors for Relationship Dissatisfaction
Markman's work has also focused on identifying critical risk factors that contribute to relationship dissatisfaction and potential breakups.
Through extensive research, he identified several key predictors of relationship distress, including:
Poor communication,
Negative attributions,
Lack of commitment, and
Inadequate conflict resolution skills (Markman, Stanley, & Blumberg, 2001).
Understanding how these risk factors express themselves through their nervous systems enables couples to proactively challenge their habitual responses, and acquire the necessary skills to improve their relationships.
Markman's research underscores the importance of:
open and effective communication,
cultivating positive attributions,
fostering commitment, and
developing constructive conflict resolution strategies.
Role of emotional engagement in relationships
Another crucial finding from Markman's research is the significance of emotional engagement in relationship satisfaction.
Emotional engagement refers to the emotional connection and responsiveness between partners, including empathy, understanding, and emotional support.
Markman's studies have highlighted that emotional engagement serves as a vital buffer against relationship dissatisfaction and is associated with increased relationship stability (Markman, Rhoades, & Stanley, 2012).
Couples who actively invest in ongoing emotional engagement, by expressing care, validation, and empathy, are more likely to experience higher levels of satisfaction and intimacy within their relationships.
Importance of adaptability in long-term relationships
Markman's research has also explored the concept of adaptability within long-term relationships.
Adaptability refers to the ability to adjust and accommodate changes that naturally occur over time, such as life transitions, individual growth, and evolving priorities.
His findings suggest that couples who demonstrate higher levels of adaptability experience greater relationship satisfaction and are better equipped to navigate the challenges that arise throughout the course of their relationship (Stanley, Rhoades, & Markman, 2006).
Building adaptability involves maintaining open lines of communication, embracing flexibility, and actively supporting each other's personal growth.
I’m particularly fond of Markman’s 1993 book; We Can Work It Out…Making sense of Marital Conflict. Chapter 2 covers what he calls :
The 6 Simple Truths of Marriage
In 1993, Dr. Markman Described These 6 Truths as His Answer to the Question:
“Well Dr. Markman, You Conducted 20 Years of Couples Research…What Did You Learn?”
Simple Truth #1: Each Relationship Contains a Hidden Reservoir of Hope. This is in no way as vague or “New Agey” as it may sound. What the research found was that at the onset of a difficult conversation, both partners have good intentions for understanding their partner and feeling understood themselves. This reservoir of good intent can be operationalized by a science-baed couples therapist. In other words, if you’re prone to escalation, you’ll need to step up and take control of your nervous system.
Simple Truth #2: One “Zinger” Will Erase Twenty Acts of Kindness. Gottman famously introduced the notion of an emotional bank account, and how a sentiment override is installed in your nervous system by the mathematics of exposure to either positive or negative outcomes shapes our expectations of the relationship.
But Dr. Markman revealed the peril behind escalation lies in poor management of emotional intensity.
We say stupid, regrettable sh*t when we’re flooded. A good couples therapist knows how to help couples “train out” of this tendency. I can definitely help with that.
Simple Truth #3: Little Changes in You Can Lead to Huge Changes in Your Relationship.
A few years ago, I travelled to Denver to train with Michelle Weiner Davis. She taught me the wonder and magic of what I call “Hopeful Spouse Coaching.” If you’re motivated, you could improve your marriage without your partner attending any sessions. research shows that in many cases “Couples Therapy for One” can be as effective as traditional dyadic couples therapy. I can help with that.
Simple Truth #4: It’s Not the Differences Between Partners That Causes Problems…it’s Rather How The Differences are Handled Once They Arise. Once again Markman, confirms Gottman. John Gottman revealed that 69% of conflicts are “perpetual problems,” and are fundamentally unsolvable. American culture has a fascination with freedom, which is manifested through our enthrallment with “compatibility.”
Simple Truth #5: Men and Women Fight Using Different Weapons, but They Experience Similar Wounds. Both Gottman and Markman agree that their are fundamental stressors in marital conflict which tend to be gender based. Men tend to withdraw from uncomfortable circumstances, while women tend to feel a compelling urge for deep discussion and what I’ve come to call becoming “too paragraphy” (that is, speaking unilaterally at length in paragraphs), making de-escalation more difficult. I can help with this too.
Simple Truth #6: Practice Makes Progress! Partners Need to Practice Relationship Skills in Order to Become Good at Them. Many freedom-loving Americans have a tendency to enter into committed relationships with little discussion on how strong conflictual emotions are to handled.
I must point out that this research from the early 90’s may no longer apply as widely as it once did… because we got better at valuing intimacy over the last 30 years.
Millennials, unlike their parents, have been keenly focused on acquiring relational skills in couples therapy in a very proactive way.
They don’t need to acquire and practice new skills.. this new generation actively wants to…
We ‘re living in a Golden Age of couples therapy where preparation (solid research) meets opportunity (a Millennial Generation highly motivated to get marriage and family right…).
Final thoughts…
Howard Markman's research in relationship science has significantly contributed to our understanding of what makes relationships thrive and endure. IMHO, that’s what should be guiding the direction of relationship research in these difficult times.
His work emphasizes the importance of proactive relationship education, effective communication, emotional engagement, and adaptability in building and maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships. Millennials are thriving in science-based couples therapy as a result.
By applying the insights gleaned from Markman's research, individuals can cultivate stronger connections with their partners, navigate conflicts more effectively, and foster long-lasting happiness within their relationships.
I’ll be writing more about Howard Markman and other important relationship researchers in upcoming posts.
REFERENCES:
Halford, W. K., Sanders, M. R., & Behrens, B. C. (2001). Can skills training prevent relationship problems in at-risk couples? Four-year effects of a behavioral relationship education program. Journal of Family Psychology, 15(4), 750-768.
Markman, H. J., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., Ragan, E. P., & Whitton, S. W. (2010). The premarital communication roots of marital distress and divorce: The first five years of marriage. Journal of Family Psychology, 24(3), 289-298.
Markman, H. J., Rhoades, G. K., & Stanley, S. M. (2012). The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Current Opinion in Psychology, 1(1), 93-96.
Markman, H. J., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Peterson, K. M. (2013). A randomized clinical trial of the effectiveness of the Marriage Checkup. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 81(4), 660-674.
Markman, H. J., Stanley, S. M., & Blumberg, S. L. (2001). Fighting for your marriage: Positive steps for preventing divorce and preserving a lasting love. Jossey-Bass.
Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., & Markman, H. J. (2006). Sliding versus deciding: Inertia and the premarital cohabitation effect. Family Relations, 55(4), 499-509.
