How just 1 bad night of poor sleep can impact your relationship…
Monday, September 11, 2023.
Humans need sleep. But many are sleep deprived. Research is proving deeper insight into the relational damage caused by even just 1 night of poor sleep.
A study from 10 years ago discovered that even one bad night’s sleep can deliver impressive damage damaging to an intimate relationship (Gordon & Chen, 2013).
This research monitored a couple’s sleep, and their analyzed arguments to unpack how the relational damage was done.
How the study was conducted
In this study, nearly 80 couples (ok, 78 to be exact), were tracked over a two-week period.
The couples made careful notes daily about the quality of their sleep, and any arguments they’d had with their significant others.
The results suggested that even for those who were excellent sleepers, it only took a single night’s of restless sleep to spike an upsurge in relational conflict the very next day.
Interestingly enough, these findings were not impacted by one spouse being the source of the poor sleep, or overall relationship satisfaction, depression, stress or anxiety.
In other words, it only took one human in the couple had to have a bad night’s sleep, and, consequently, their relationship suffered the next day.
4 Processes Caused by Poor Sleep are to Blame:
Less Empathy. The worse couples slept, the less empathy they showed towards one another. Another fascinating discovery was that after a bad night’s sleep, not only did they find it difficult to accurately assess each others emotions, it was also difficult for their partner to read their emotions as well.
Greater Negativity. Negativity is an occasional feature in all intimate relationships, from time to time. But, as John Gottman famously discovered there must be a 5-1 ratio of positive to negative experiences. Poor sleep pushes this ratio in the wrong direction.
Gridlock on Resolving Issues, and Poor Conflict Resolution. When humans are sleep deprived, their brains struggle to engage with partners around persistent problems.
Selfishness. Interestingly, sleep deprivation over time, can induce more narcissistic impulses and erode feelings of gratitude and appreciation.
Don’t try to tough it out…
Since poor sleep can also damage your health, as well as your relationship, it’s vital to address these issues as soon as possible. Some couples willingly sleep apart in a sleep divorce, because humans can get used to anything.
The good news is that improving sleep can improve the relationship. In fact, it works bi-directionally. An interesting study has found that better sleep encourages better relationships and that the improved relationship status feeds back into improved sleep (Hasler et al., 2010).
Respect the importance of your sleep hygiene. Once you’re sleeping better, your relationship will not be undermined by an exhausted, fussy nervous system.
Be well, stay kind, and Godspeed.
RESEARCH:
Gordon, A. M., & Chen, S. (2014). The Role of Sleep in Interpersonal Conflict: Do Sleepless Nights Mean Worse Fights? Social Psychological and Personality Science, 5(2), 168–175. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550613488952
Hasler, Brant P. PhD; Troxel, Wendy M. PhD. Couples' Nighttime Sleep Efficiency and Concordance: Evidence for Bidirectional Associations With Daytime Relationship Functioning. Psychosomatic Medicine 72(8):p 794-801, October 2010. | DOI: 10.1097/PSY.0b013e3181ecd08a
