Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans

Monday, September 2, 2024.

Michaeleen Doucleff’s Hunt, Gather, Parent is a fascinating exploration of parenting practices rooted in ancient traditions, offering a compelling critique of modern Western approaches to child-rearing.

By weaving together personal anecdotes, anthropological insights, and scientific research, Doucleff presents a powerful argument for rethinking how we raise children.

This review delves deeper into the book's themes, bringing in additional research that either supports or refines Doucleff’s findings, and aims to provide a comprehensive understanding of the ancient parenting philosophies she explores.

Revisiting Communal Parenting: A Cross-Cultural and Historical Perspective

Doucleff’s exploration of communal parenting practices among the Maya, Inuit, and Hadzabe highlights the importance of community in raising well-adjusted children.

This approach is not unique to these cultures but is echoed in research from other traditional societies.

Anthropologist Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, in her book Mothers and Others: The Evolutionary Origins of Mutual Understanding, argues that human children have evolved to be raised in a “cooperative breeding” environment, where multiple caregivers, not just the parents, are involved in child-rearing.

Hrdy’s research suggests that this shared responsibility leads to children who are more socially attuned and emotionally secure.

However, the modern Western model often isolates parents, particularly mothers, in nuclear family units, placing undue stress on them and potentially depriving children of the diverse social interactions that are critical for their development. Doucleff’s observations align with Hrdy’s conclusions, underscoring the benefits of a community-oriented approach to parenting that modern societies may need to reintegrate.

Soft Parenting Techniques and Emotional Regulation: The Science Behind Calmness

One of the most striking aspects of Doucleff’s findings is the “soft” approach to parenting she witnesses among the Inuit, where emotional regulation is taught through storytelling and calm behavior modeling.

Research in developmental psychology supports the effectiveness of these techniques. For instance, a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that children exposed to calm, non-reactive parenting are better able to regulate their emotions and exhibit lower levels of aggression and anxiety.

This aligns with the Inuit practice of using narrative to teach emotional lessons, which mirrors contemporary findings on the importance of emotional coaching in child development.

According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist known for his work on emotional intelligence, parents who guide their children in understanding and expressing their emotions help them develop better emotional regulation skills, which are crucial for long-term well-being.

The Role of Play and Joy: Building Cooperation and Responsibility

Doucleff’s emphasis on the role of shared play and joy in the cultures she studies is another key element of her argument. Play is not only a means of entertainment but a vital aspect of learning and development.

The American Academy of Pediatrics, in a 2018 report, highlights the critical role of play in fostering cognitive, physical, social, and emotional well-being in children. Play, particularly when integrated into daily activities, helps children learn cooperation, problem-solving, and self-control—skills that are essential for their overall development.

In Doucleff’s observations, the Maya and Hadzabe cultures seamlessly integrate children into the daily work of the community, transforming chores into opportunities for play and learning.

This practice is supported by research from Dr. Peter Gray, an evolutionary psychologist and author of Free to Learn, who argues that children learn best through self-directed play and exploration, which fosters independence, creativity, and resilience. Gray’s work suggests that the structured, often rigid play environments common in Western societies may actually hinder the development of these crucial skills.

Critiquing the Western Approach: The Consequences of Hyper-Individualism

Doucleff’s critique of the Western focus on independence and achievement is well-founded and is supported by a growing body of research that questions the long-term impact of these values on children’s mental health.

The pressure to succeed and the emphasis on individual accomplishment can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and a sense of isolation among children and adolescents.

A study published in The Lancet found that rates of anxiety and depression among young people have risen significantly in recent decades, correlating with societal shifts towards greater individualism and competitiveness.

Furthermore, the Western model often prioritizes cognitive development over social and emotional skills, a focus that can neglect the importance of relational skills that are vital for lifelong success.

Doucleff’s insights suggest that a more balanced approach, one that incorporates the communal, emotionally attuned practices of the cultures she studies, could mitigate these negative outcomes and promote a more holistic form of child development.

Integrating Ancient Wisdom into Modern Parenting

The challenge for modern parents lies in how to integrate the ancient wisdom Doucleff uncovers into their daily lives. While it may not be feasible for everyone to adopt these practices wholesale, there are actionable steps that parents can take to create a more supportive, emotionally intelligent, and cooperative environment for their children.

• Encourage Communal Involvement: Reconnecting with extended family, building strong community ties, and involving children in shared tasks can foster a sense of belonging and responsibility.

• Practice Emotional Coaching: Parents can adopt calm, narrative-based approaches to teach emotional regulation, helping children develop the skills needed to manage their emotions effectively.

• Integrate Play into Daily Life: Viewing chores and responsibilities as opportunities for play and learning can make these tasks enjoyable for children and help them develop a positive attitude towards work.

• Rethink Independence: While fostering independence is important, balancing it with a focus on interdependence and relational skills can lead to more well-rounded development.

Final thoughts

Hunt, Gather, Parent is a thought-provoking book that challenges many of the assumptions underlying modern parenting practices.

By drawing on the wisdom of ancient cultures, Michaeleen Doucleff offers a roadmap for raising children who are not only happy and helpful but also emotionally resilient and socially connected.

Her work, supported by additional research, suggests that a shift towards more communal, emotionally attuned, and play-based parenting could provide the balance that many modern families are searching for.

For parents looking to break free from the pressures of contemporary child-rearing and reconnect with time-tested practices, Doucleff’s book is a valuable resource.

It offers both a critique of current norms and a vision for a more balanced, joyful, and connected approach to parenting.

Let’s link these ancient principles with modern insights, so parents can raise the next generation in a way that honors the best of both worlds, ensuring their children thrive in an increasingly complex and demanding society.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Blaffer Hrdy, S. (2009). Mothers and others: The evolutionary origins of mutual understanding. Belknap Press of Harvard University Press.

Doucleff, M. (2021). Hunt, gather, parent: What ancient cultures can teach us about the lost art of raising happy, helpful little humans. Avid Reader Press / Simon & Schuster.

Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (1997). The heart of parenting: Raising an emotionally intelligent child. Simon & Schuster.

Gray, P. (2013). Free to learn: Why unleashing the instinct to play will make our children happier, more self-reliant, and better students for life. Basic Books.

American Academy of Pediatrics. (2018). The power of play: A pediatric role in enhancing development in young children. Pediatrics, 142(3), e20182058. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2018-2058

The Lancet. (2019). Global increase in anxiety and depression in youth: The need for early and comprehensive mental health interventions. The Lancet Child & Adolescent Health, 3(12), 883-885. https://doi.org/10.1016/S2352-4642(19)30356-3

Sanders, M. R., & Turner, K. M. T. (2018). Preventing childhood mental health problems: What does the evidence say? The Lancet Child & Adolescent Health, 2(5), 346-355. https://doi.org/10.1016/S2352-4642(18)30070-6