Book Review: The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids
Monday, September 2, 2024.
The Danish Way of Parenting provides an insightful exploration into why Denmark consistently ranks among the happiest countries in the world.
Jessica Joelle Alexander, a cultural researcher, and Iben Dissing Sandahl, a Danish psychotherapist, present a parenting philosophy rooted in fostering happiness, resilience, and confidence in children.
The book is structured around six key principles, collectively referred to by the acronym "PARENT": Play, Authenticity, Reframing, Empathy, No ultimatums, and Togetherness. These principles are supported by various research findings that underscore their effectiveness.
Play
The authors emphasize the importance of unstructured play in child development. In Denmark, play is considered essential for learning and growth, allowing children to explore, experiment, and develop social skills.
Research supports this view, with studies showing that play is crucial for cognitive, social, and emotional development (Ginsburg, 2007). Unstructured play fosters creativity, problem-solving abilities, and emotional resilience, aligning with the Danish approach that encourages children to learn at their own pace.
Authenticity
Authenticity in Danish parenting involves being honest with children about emotions and situations, while also modeling healthy emotional expression. Research by Gross and John (2003) supports the importance of authenticity, showing that people who express their emotions authentically experience better psychological health. The authors stress the importance of acknowledging and validating a child’s feelings rather than dismissing or minimizing them, which is crucial for developing emotional intelligence and self-awareness.
Reframing
Reframing is a cognitive technique that involves looking at situations from a different perspective to find a positive or constructive angle.
The Danish approach encourages parents to help their children reframe challenges and setbacks as opportunities for growth.
This technique is supported by research on cognitive-behavioral therapy, which shows that reframing helps individuals develop resilience and a more optimistic outlook on life (Beck, 2011).
The book provides practical examples of how parents can use reframing in everyday situations, such as turning a child’s frustration into a discussion about problem-solving.
Empathy
Empathy is a cornerstone of Danish culture and parenting.
The authors emphasize the importance of teaching children to understand and share the feelings of others. Research by Eisenberg and Fabes (1998) underscores the role of empathy in social and emotional development, showing that empathetic children are more likely to form positive relationships and exhibit prosocial behavior.
Danish parents model empathetic behavior and encourage their children to consider how their actions affect those around them, fostering a strong sense of community and social responsibility.
No Ultimatums
The Danish parenting style is notably non-authoritarian, and the principle of "No Ultimatums" reflects this approach. Instead of using threats or punishments, Danish parents rely on dialogue and mutual respect to guide their children’s behavior.
Research by Baumrind (1966) highlights the effectiveness of authoritative parenting, which balances clear expectations with warmth and respect, in promoting positive outcomes in children.
The authors argue that this approach leads to stronger parent-child relationships and helps children develop intrinsic motivation to behave well, rather than simply complying out of fear of punishment.
Togetherness and Hygge
The final principle, Togetherness, is closely tied to the Danish concept of hygge—a sense of coziness, warmth, and well-being that comes from spending quality time with loved ones.
Research by Collins and Feeney (2000) supports the idea that close, supportive relationships contribute to emotional well-being and resilience.
The book explores how Danish families prioritize togetherness and create an environment where children feel safe, loved, and connected. This emphasis on communal activities and shared experiences is seen as a key factor in the overall happiness of Danish families.
What is Hygge?
At its core, hygge is about creating a warm atmosphere where people can relax and enjoy simple pleasures together. This could be anything from sharing a home-cooked meal, having a cozy evening with candles and board games, or simply spending time together in a calm, comfortable environment. The emphasis is on togetherness, relaxation, and appreciating the moment.
How Hygge Influences and Informs Danish Parenting
In Danish parenting, hygge plays a significant role in building a sense of security and connection within the family. By prioritizing hygge, Danish parents create a nurturing environment where children feel safe, loved, and supported. This focus on creating a calm and connected atmosphere helps children develop emotional resilience and a strong sense of belonging.
The concept of hygge also teaches children the value of slowing down and appreciating the simple joys in life, which contrasts with the often hectic and achievement-focused parenting styles seen in other cultures. This approach encourages mindfulness and helps children develop a balanced outlook on life, where relationships and well-being are prioritized over material success.
Research Supporting the Benefits of Hygge
Research by Collins and Feeney (2000) highlights the importance of close, supportive relationships in promoting emotional well-being and resilience, which aligns with the principles of hygge. Creating a hygge atmosphere at home fosters these supportive relationships, contributing to a child’s overall happiness and emotional health.
Incorporating hygge into family life is not about grand gestures or expensive activities. It's about making time for simple, meaningful interactions that strengthen family bonds and create lasting memories.
Embracing hygge can create a peaceful, loving environment that supports your children’s development and contributes to the overall happiness of the family.
The concept of hygge is more than just a cultural trend; it's a powerful tool in creating a nurturing, supportive family environment.
In The Danish Way of Parenting, hygge is presented as a key element in raising confident, capable children who value relationships and well-being. By prioritizing hygge, parents can foster a sense of togetherness, emotional security, and mindfulness, all of which contribute to a child’s happiness and resilience.
Strengths
One of the book’s main strengths is its practical approach.
The authors provide clear, actionable advice that parents can implement in their daily lives. The principles are explained in a way that is accessible and relatable, with examples that illustrate how Danish parenting differs from other styles.
Additionally, the book’s focus on emotional intelligence, resilience, and community-mindedness aligns with contemporary psychological research on child development.
Criticisms
While The Danish Way of Parenting offers valuable insights, it is not without its limitations.
One criticism is that the book occasionally oversimplifies or idealizes Danish culture, making it seem as though these parenting practices are universally applicable without considering cultural differences.
Some readers may find the book’s suggestions difficult to implement in societies that value competition, individual achievement, and authority differently.
Moreover, the book assumes a certain level of social and economic stability that may not be available to all families, particularly those in more challenging circumstances. In other words, it’s a parenting model which presumes a plethora of privilege.
Final thoughts
The Danish Way of Parenting is a thoughtful and engaging guide for parents interested in raising well-rounded, emotionally intelligent children.
The principles of Play, Authenticity, Reframing, Empathy, No ultimatums, and Togetherness provide a solid framework for creating a nurturing and supportive family environment.
While the book may somewhat idealize Danish culture to some extent, it nonetheless offers practical advice that can be adapted to various parenting styles and cultural contexts. For parents seeking to cultivate happiness and resilience in their children, this book could be a valuable resource.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of authoritative parental control on child behavior. Child Development, 37(4), 887-907. https://doi.org/10.2307/1126611
Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Collins, N. L., & Feeney, B. C. (2000). A safe haven: An attachment theory perspective on support seeking and caregiving in intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(6), 1053-1073. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.78.6.1053
Eisenberg, N., & Fabes, R. A. (1998). Prosocial development. In N. Eisenberg (Ed.), Handbook of child psychology: Vol. 3. Social, emotional, and personality development (5th ed., pp. 701-778). Wiley.
Ginsburg, K. R. (2007). The importance of play in promoting healthy child development and maintaining strong parent-child bonds. Pediatrics, 119(1), 182-191. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2006-2697
Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348-362. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.2.348