Help! weekly in-person couples therapy is not working!
Tuesday, May 28, 2024. Revised and updated. Originally published October 1, 2017. Revised 1/6/20. I spent about 100 hours in January 2020 updating the blog. By this point, the now-deleted CTI blog was an award-winning blog with hundreds of posts ranking high in Google.
When CTI began Intensive couples therapy in 2013 (such as over a weekend), it was relatively uncommon. By 2020, CTI had competition with other group practices adapting what we were successfully doing….
Help! weekly in-person couples therapy is not working!
While building content for Couples Therapy Inc., I discovered an upsurge in interest in online couples therapy and especially couples therapy Intensives.
Couples are finding it increasingly more challenging to carve out the time to visit a couples therapist for weekly in-person sessions. And when they do, some are frustrated and deeply disappointed with the results.
Most couples say, “I want to find couples therapy near me that is a good fit for our circumstances.” They usually settle on a general practitioner therapist close by.
The problem is that many couples who call us complain that they feel that their current treatment in weekly couples therapy is proceeding at an agonizingly slow pace.
So, if you know that your marriage is in trouble and you can no longer attend weekly couples therapy sessions, what are your options?
What to do instead if you can’t attend weekly in-person couples therapy
Read a science-based couples therapy book
Books by John and Julie Gottman and Susan Johnson’s classic books Hold Me Tight, Creating Connection and Love Sense offer trustworthy, useful information. If you read one of these books together, you can get into a “meta” conversation with your partner.
You’ll talk about the kind of relational improvements you want. While reading a book isn’t a substitute for weekly in-person couples therapy, or science-based assessment and intensive couples treatment, it will help you to have an intimate conversation about the kind of marriage you both want to have.
Here are A Few More Good Ideas when Weekly Couples Therapy is not Working
Have Regular Date Nights
The science is in on date night. Regular date nights are one of the most potent DIY techniques to help improve your marriage. Date night fosters an abiding sense of “we-ness.” Date night is choosing to be with one another.
Focus On the Positive Aspects of Your Marriage
If you’re wrestling with whether you can find the time to go to weekly couples therapy, take a minute and reflect. What is going right in your marriage?
When couples hit a rough patch, it’s far too easy to focus on what’s wrong.
As you talk about getting help, try to notice the good things you’re both taking for granted in your marriage. When things get rough, the negativity expands in your mind. We call this tendency Negative Sentiment Override.
If You Care… Try to Repair
You don’t need a therapist to tuck away the technology. Go eyeball to eyeball and have a Generative Conversation. Sweat the small stuff. The quality of your daily interactions matters. If your relationship is essential to you, set some time aside to talk to your partner free of distractions. Turn off the cell phones. Tuck away the laptops. Talk about what is on your mind and in your heart.
Plan a couples therapy intensive retreat.
I saved the best for last… a Couples Therapy Intensive Retreat.
You’ll find yourselves focusing on what needs to change away from the distractions of ordinary life. And you’ll get the equivalent of 6 months of couples therapy in just one weekend!
You’ll come back home feeling refreshed and renewed. You will have a clear vision of what you want to change. And in most cases, a solid action plan that you both co-created.
Research tells us that couples who attend a marriage intensively improve more quickly than couples who only participate in weekly couples therapy. For many busy professionals, Couples Therapy Intensives are their first go-to first option.
