Emotional affairs
Tuesday, May 28, 2024.
What Are Emotional Affairs?
An Emotional Affair is more than just a close friendship; it involves a deep emotional connection that crosses the boundaries of a platonic relationship.
These affairs often begin innocently but can escalate into something significantly impacting a primary relationship.
Emotional affairs are a common issue addressed in intensive couples therapy retreats.
How do Emotional Affairs begin?
Emotional affairs often start subtly and can develop over time. Initially, two folks might have a strong camaraderie and mutual support. This bond can deepen when one person shares personal issues, such as marital problems, with another.
For example, a woman might start confiding in a male colleague about her marital issues. The colleague listens sympathetically, earning her gratitude and compliments for being a good listener. This dynamic fosters a sense of reciprocity, and soon, the colleague finds himself sharing his marital dissatisfaction. This exchange of personal information and mutual support can gradually shift their emotional focus away from their respective partners and towards each other.
The Emotional Shift
As the emotional connection deepens, individuals involved in an emotional affair start to look forward to their interactions with their affair partner. They might fantasize about each other, compare their affair partner with their spouse, and show increased impatience and annoyance towards their significant other. This shift indicates that the emotional affair is gaining traction, pulling them away from their primary relationship.
The Prevalence of Emotional Affairs
Research from the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) highlights the widespread nature of emotional affairs. About 45% of men and 35% of women have reported being involved in an emotional affair at some point. These affairs are often hidden, with men frequently defending their actions by claiming there was no physical intimacy involved. However, many women find emotional unfaithfulness more troubling than physical infidelity. A survey found that 88% of women were more concerned about emotional infidelity than a physical affair, which is twice the rate of men.
The Workplace: Ground Zero for Emotional Affairs
The workplace is a common setting for emotional affairs, with over 60% of these affairs beginning there. Men are particularly vulnerable because they may not recognize the warning signs of boundary violations and can become emotionally entangled with a coworker without realizing the risks. Studies show that 68% of men never expected to be caught up in an emotional affair, and almost all of them regret it once they do.
Research on Emotional Affairs
Contrary to popular belief, emotional affairs do not necessarily indicate a serious underlying problem in the primary relationship. Research reveals a complex and counter-intuitive picture:
Women's Experiences: While 66% of women involved in emotional affairs reported being unhappy in their marriages, 34% described themselves as happy or very happy with their partner when the affair began.
Men's Experiences: 48% of men cited emotional dissatisfaction as a reason for their emotional affair, but 52% had no pressing complaints against their partner. Additionally, 66% of men felt guilty about their emotional affairs, and 56% were happy in their marriage when it started. Only 12% of men found their EA partner more physically attractive than their spouse, and just 8% pursued an emotional affair due to sexual dissatisfaction.
Risk Factors for Emotional Affairs
Several factors can increase the likelihood of an emotional affair, including:
Age: Couples under 30 are at higher risk.
Economic Factors: The more money a partner earns relative to their spouse, the higher the likelihood of an emotional affair.
Marital History: Individuals with a history of divorce are twice as likely to engage in an emotional affair.
Final thoughts
Emotional affairs are complex and multifaceted, often involving deeper identity, character, and maturity issues.
They can provide a sense of excitement and validation, but they also pose significant risks to primary relationships. If you suspect you might be slipping into an emotional affair, it’s important to seek help and address the underlying issues in your relationship.
Reach Out for Help. If you fear you might be slipping into an emotional affair, don't hesitate to discuss your situation with a science-based couples therapist.
I can help with that.
Be Well, stay Kind, and Godspeed.
