Are You Being Gaslit? This New Tool Helps You Spot Manipulative Behaviors in Relationships
Wednesday, September 11, 2024
Gaslighting—once an unfamiliar psychological term—has become widely recognized as one of the most damaging forms of emotional manipulation in relationships. But how do you know if it’s happening to you?
A groundbreaking new tool, the Gaslighting Relationship Exposure Inventory (GREI), has been developed to help folks assess whether they're experiencing gaslighting behaviors in their romantic relationships.
According to a recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the GREI is the first scientifically validated tool that reliably measures gaslighting behaviors.
The inventory consists of 11 items and has been shown to work well across diverse cultural contexts, including participants from both the United States and Israel.
Researchers found that gaslighting is strongly linked to psychological abuse and can have profound impacts on mental health, contributing to depression and severely affecting relationship quality.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where one partner makes the other doubt their own perceptions, memories, or sense of reality. It often includes denying things that happened, distorting memories, and dismissing or belittling the other person’s feelings. Over time, these behaviors can lead to confusion, emotional distress, and loss of self-trust.
Gaslighting is particularly insidious because it tends to happen gradually, making it difficult for the victim to recognize. The GREI helps bring these hidden dynamics to light by giving individuals a concrete way to assess their experiences and determine if their relationship includes this kind of manipulation.
Why the GREI Matters
Gaslighting’s subtle and covert nature often leaves victims questioning their own reality, which makes it uniquely harmful. This new tool not only allows researchers to measure the prevalence of gaslighting, but it also empowers individuals to recognize these patterns in their own relationships. As study author Tair Tager-Shafrir explains:
"One of the central issues with gaslighting is the difficulty victims face in identifying and recognizing it as a form of abuse. The fact that it’s challenging for the victim to define their experience as abusive makes it even more painful and damaging."
While the GREI is not a diagnostic tool, it offers crucial insights for anyone wondering if they might be experiencing this form of psychological abuse. It shines a light on behaviors that are often dismissed or rationalized away, giving people the awareness they need to take action.
How Does the GREI Work?
The GREI consists of 11 statements designed to capture key gaslighting behaviors. Participants rate how often these behaviors occur in their relationship on a scale from 1 (never) to 5 (always). Here is what the GREI asks:
My partner makes me doubt things I said.
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Always
My partner makes me think that everything I do is wrong.
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Always
My partner denies saying things that I clearly remember.
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Always
My partner makes me feel like I don’t understand situations in our relationship.
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
My partner makes me question my memory about things that happened between us.
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Always
My partner makes me feel like I’m in the wrong.
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Always
My partner makes me feel like I’m impossible to get along with.
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Always
My partner makes me feel like I don’t understand them.
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Always
My partner makes me think that I’m distorting things.
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Always
My partner tells me I’m blowing things out of proportion.
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Always
My partner often accuses me of things that I didn’t do.
Never
Rarely
Sometimes
Often
Always
The GREI covers a range of subtle but harmful behaviors, giving respondents a clear view of whether they’re dealing with gaslighting.
How to Score the GREI
Each response is assigned a point value:
Never = 1 point
Rarely = 2 points
Sometimes = 3 points
Often = 4 points
Always = 5 points
To calculate your score, simply add up the points from all 11 statements. Here’s how to interpret the results:
11–22 points: Low exposure to gaslighting
You are likely not frequently experiencing gaslighting behaviors, but it's always good to stay mindful.23–33 points: Moderate exposure to gaslighting
You may be encountering gaslighting behaviors sometimes. Take note of patterns that may affect your emotional well-being.34–44 points: High exposure to gaslighting
Gaslighting behaviors are common in your relationship, which can harm your mental health and confidence. Consider seeking support from a trusted friend or professional.45–55 points: Very high exposure to gaslighting
These behaviors are likely a major part of your relationship, and it’s important to reach out for professional help, as this can have serious long-term effects on your well-being.
What Does the Research Say?
Research on gaslighting continues to reveal its long-term psychological effects. Gaslighting is associated with higher levels of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem (Sweet, 2019).
The GREI study highlights that gaslighting can be just as harmful as other forms of psychological abuse, such as emotional manipulation or coercive control, and that it impacts relationship satisfaction significantly (Stark, 2019).
Interestingly, the study also found that men reported experiencing gaslighting more frequently than women, challenging the traditional perception that gaslighting primarily affects women. However, the researchers advise caution, as these findings may vary depending on the context or the specific sample studied.
Moving Forward: Awareness and Support
Gaslighting can be one of the most difficult forms of manipulation to identify, especially because it can leave you questioning your own perceptions. Tools like the GREI help bring these behaviors into focus, allowing partners to gain a clearer understanding of their relationship dynamics.
Gaslighting can take time to recognize, but with the right tools and support, you can regain control over your reality and start making choices that support your well-being. Whether through self-reflection or working with a professional, the GREI is a valuable step toward clarity and empowerment.
If you or someone you know is experiencing gaslighting, it's important to seek support. A therapist can help you process your feelings, validate your experiences, and guide you in taking steps to protect your mental and emotional well-being.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Stark, E. (2019). Coercive control: How men entrap women in personal life. Oxford University Press.
Sweet, P. L. (2019). The sociology of gaslighting. American Sociological Review, 84(5), 851-875. https://doi.org/10.1177/0003122419874843