Fixing a ‘Situationship’: How to Get Them to Commit or Move On
Monday, March 10, 2025.
Welcome to the relationship Twilight Zone. There was a time when relationships made sense.
You were either single or taken—there was no in-between, no Schrödinger’s relationship, no quantum entanglement where one person thinks they’re dating and the other thinks they’re just “seeing where things go.”
And then, dating apps happened.
Now we have situationships—a delightful term for a romantic arrangement with all the emotional labor of a relationship and none of the commitment.
If you’ve ever found yourself invested in someone who won’t call you their partner, congratulations. You’ve won a free ticket to the emotional equivalent of an escape room with no clues.
So, the question is: How do you get them to commit—or at least be honest enough to admit they won’t?
Well, you’ve got two choices. Option A: Level up to a real relationship. Option B: Pack your bags and escape the limbo.
Let’s break it down.
Step 1: Figure Out If They Even Know You’re in a Situationship
Yes, really. Because here’s the thing—some people don’t realize they’re stringing you along. They think this is a relationship, just one that happens to be mysteriously undefined and entirely on their terms.
A quick test:
Do they introduce you as “just a friend” when you run into their coworkers?
Do they act allergic to labels but completely fine with making out in public?
Has it been six months, and they still react to the word “boyfriend” like you just proposed marriage?
If you answered yes to any of the above, your situationship has reached Stage 3: Advanced Ambiguity, and it’s time to force some clarity.
Step 2: Have the Dreaded Conversation
This is where many people hesitate. But let me ask you something:
Would you rather have one deeply awkward 10-minute conversation or six more months of passive frustration while they continue to enjoy the benefits of commitment-free romance?
Exactly.
So, sit them down. Look them in the eye. And, with the courage of a thousand ghosted dating app users, say:
🔹 “I really like spending time with you, but I need to know if this is going somewhere.”
🔹 “I’m looking for something serious. Are we on the same page?”
🔹 “If you don’t want a relationship, I respect that—but I need to know.”
Now, observe their response like a scientist examining an unpredictable lab rat.
Response 1: The Honest One
They say something direct like, “I like you, but I don’t want anything serious.” Painful? Sure. But at least they’re upfront, and now you can make a decision with real information instead of vague hope.
Response 2: The Emotional Juggler
They say something wishy-washy like, “I just really enjoy what we have right now. Why do we need labels?”
This is code for: “I don’t want to commit, but I don’t want to lose you either.”
Run.
Response 3: The Ghost Escape Plan
They dodge the question entirely or suddenly become busy. Their Wi-Fi mysteriously stops working. They go on a soul-searching trip to Peru. They "forget" you even asked.
They have answered your question. It’s time to exit the chat.
Step 3: Decide If You’re Willing to Settle
Now, let’s say you get Response 2 or 3, which are both fancy ways of saying “You deserve better, but I like having you around.”
What do you do?
You leave.
Yes, I know. They’re fun. They’re attractive. They might change their mind eventually, right?
No. They won’t. And even if they do, do you really want to be someone’s backup plan?
If you stay in a situationship hoping they’ll commit one day, you are essentially playing emotional roulette with a gun that only has one empty chamber.
Step 4: If You Leave, Leave for Real
Here’s where people mess up. They say, “Fine, I deserve better,” but then they leave the door slightly open for their almost-lover to wander back in when they’re lonely, bored, or just drunk enough to send a “U up?” text.
Block them. Delete the number. Unfollow. Mute. Archive the texts. Hide their Spotify playlist.
Why? Because if you don’t, they’ll text you the second they feel you slipping away. They won’t commit, but they also don’t want you finding someone who will.
You are not their emotional safety net. Let them go be mysteriously undefined somewhere else.
Step 5: If They Actually Commit, Watch for These Red Flags
Let’s say they do agree to commit. Before you throw a parade, watch their actions.
Do they start making real plans with you, or do they still dodge conversations about the future?
Do they introduce you as their partner, or is it still “This is… uh… [your name]”?
Do they respect the new boundaries of a real relationship, or do they still act like they have an emotional hall pass?
If anything still feels half-hearted, congrats—you’re now in a situationship with a fancier name. And that’s not an upgrade.
Final Thought: You Deserve Certainty, Not a Maybe
Listen, I get it.
Situationships can be fun, exciting, and intoxicating—like a rollercoaster that you think is leading to a nice romantic sunset but actually just circles back to the starting point over and over again.
But here’s the truth:
🔹 You don’t need to convince anyone to choose you.
🔹 You don’t have to accept “almost” when you want “forever.”
🔹 And you sure as hell don’t need to keep waiting for someone to “figure out” if they like you enough.
So, if they won’t commit, make the decision for them. Move on.
Because the right person won’t need six months, ten mixed signals, and a therapy session to decide whether they want to be with you.
They’ll just know.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Buss, D. M. (1992). Strategies of human mating. Psychological Science, 3(4), 251–255. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.1992.tb00038.x
Fisher, H. (2016). Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray. W. W. Norton & Company.
Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93(2), 119-135. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.93.2.119
Logan, D. (2024). How to Get Over a Situationship, According to a Therapist. PureWow. Retrieved from https://www.purewow.com/wellness/how-to-get-over-situationship