Christian couples counseling in a secular therapy world
June 5, 2024. Originally, it was written for Couples Therapy Inc in 2018. I’m very proud of this post, and many clients were attracted to CTI after reading it. I know because one of the hats I wore in 2018 was coordinating how we responded to new inquiries.
Christian couples get a raw deal in secular couples therapy, and Christian couples counseling is often uninformed by science
Psychotherapy has never been particularly curious about Religious Faith of any kind. Most modern therapists do not tend to describe themselves as religious, or even particularly spiritual (Bilgrave & Deluty, 2002) and (Smith & Orlinsky, 2004).
A recent survey conducted by the American Psychological Association noted that compared to the general public, psychologists (admittedly only one of several mental health degrees practicing couples therapy), were more than twice as likely to claim no religious affiliation, three times more likely to describe religious faith as irrelevant in their personal lives, and (drum roll please…) five times more likely to identify as atheists.
But wait. There’s more…
It logically follows that they also report that they tend not to pray, attend services, or even nominally affiliate with any sort of religious congregation.
This survey also described a common experience of lost faith and lapsed belief. Only 4% of the general population once had faith in God but lost it.
But a whopping 27% of Psychologists say they lost their faith (Delaney, Miller & Bisono, 2007).
Freud (1927) once unkindly described religion as “the universal obsession neurosis of humanity.” However, contemporary psychologists are far less hostile.
The vast majority of psychologists (82%) see religion as beneficial, while only 7% see religion as hurting mental health (Delaney et al., 2007).
Psychologists seem to be quite comfortable with their secular stance of benign neglect. I can see why. They hardly ever get any training in religious issues. Science-based Christian couples counseling is hard to find.
Researchers Russell and Yarrow (2006) surveyed the directors of training in US graduate programs in clinical psychology. More than 65% said they did not foresee Christian couples counseling or any sort of religious or spiritual training ever being offered in their program in the near future.
Christian marriage counseling divorced from science?
It appears that science has divorced itself from religion and not the other way around, as we might more comfortably prefer to believe. This indifference to religious faith is not serving the public well.
Research tells us that a person in emotional distress is just as likely to seek help from a pastor, priest, rabbi, or other religious figures as they are to see a psychologist, marriage and family therapist, or another mental health professional (Weaver, Flannelly, & Oppenheimer, 2003).
For example, in the wake of 9/11, there was a 60/40 split in the counseling. Most people (60%) sought spiritual advice, while 40% sought help from trauma therapists (data from the American Red Cross, 2002).
Here is the problem. Psychologists and perhaps other mental health workers may have little interest in faith, but Americans clearly do. When we ignore the intra-psychic structures of religious belief, we subordinate a vast area of potential exploration to our own personal discomfort. It’s wrong, and Christian couples, in particular, aren’t having it.
Faith is a broad and expansive lens through which many couples see the world. Christian couples are well aware that their faith shapes how they see their marriage, their place in the world, and their values. Therapists ought to be more curious about all issues of faith, not just when they come up and can’t be avoided. Christian couples counseling that is both scientific and Biblically informed is a reasonable request in the 21st century.
Secular therapists should be more than curious…they should be Informed
Ninian Smart was one of the most interesting thinkers on religion and mental health. Although contemporary religious studies have moved on past his thinking, he was one of the first modern thinkers to promote the notion of secular religious studies.
Professor Smart was most interested in why people believe…and why their experience is authentic and meaningful for them.
He took pains to make a distinction between theology, which he defined as looking a religion from a perspective of faith, and religious studies, which is a vantage point as a benevolent and uncritical observer. A skilled couples therapist can be capable of being interested in belief itself, without feeling a need to take an evaluative or critical stance.
Christian marriage counseling and the science behind faith
Here is the rub. Faith is good for you. Researchers Powell, Shahabi, and Thoresen (2003) did a comprehensive overview of a dozen studies with a population of over 50,000 study subjects. This was a massive undertaking. Here’s what they found:
Want to live longer? Go to church regularly. Regular church attendance is correlated with a huge 25% reduction in mortality, even when adjusted for covariant risk factors. The life expectancy for regular church-goers is 7 years longer than those who never attend.
Faith and spiritual practice protect against cardiovascular disease. Research shows that such activities as reciting the rosary, chanting mantras, and regular church attendance produce scientifically measurable benefits.
However, regular attendance at religious services is the most beneficial. This phenomenon has been carefully studied but poorly understood.
Some researchers say social support and volunteerism in the religious community are the reasons for this (Musick, Herzog, & House, 1999).
Other researchers say that pragmatic peer-to-peer support such as meals, financial assistance, child care, and crisis support (i.e., pastoral couples counseling) are the most important (Plante and Sherman, 2001).
Some researchers say modeling is the source of the benefit. These researchers see the church as a spiritual classroom, teaching compassion and care for our fellow man (Oman & Thoresen, 2003).
It’s probably all of the above. In other words, faith and spiritual practice convey so many benefits that researchers have a hard time agreeing on which are the most important.
This is why the stance of mental health practitioners, particularly psychologists, is so inherently problematic.
Where Can Christian Couples Get Science-Based Help?
I regularly get phone calls from couples of faith, many of whom identify as Christian.
They’re looking for Christian couples counseling and retreats that are scientific and biblically-congruent.
I take pains to explain that mine is a science-based practice that deeply appreciates the importance of faith. For many distressed couples, it is often an essential part of their healing.
I often find these Christian couples both defensive and weary.
I can understand why.
Many have been poorly served by Christian counselors who lacked science-based training or by therapists who marginalized their values and were dismissive of the role faith played in their marriage.
They wanted science and Christian marriage counseling. Was that too much to ask? John Gottman doesn’t think so. He thought this issue was so important that he produced a guide for science-based couples therapists to appreciate how the Bible can help inform science-based couples therapy.
Christian couples have a worldview that deserves curiosity
What they believe could be, and should be, an active, vivid part of their couples therapy.
Christian couples counseling reflects and deepens the dimension of faith instead of marginalizing it.
Families of faith, whether they are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Baha’i, or any other religion for that matter, have a right to expect their couples therapist to be curious and to ask questions.
Families of faith should not be understood too quickly.
Science and faith can operate harmoniously because they both grapple with the big questions of life. Why are we here? And how should we be with one another?
The most powerful challenge to atheists view of the world lies within the world itself: the simple reality of existence. Why is there existence? Forget things as complex as life. Just consider the being of anything: space, time, matter in any form. Is there some law, some axiom, that demands there be existence independent of an underlying force that brought it into being? Even if we posit that the universe and all existence are eternal, the question remains: Why is there an is? It’s a question that calls for an answer. Gerald Schroeder
