The Covert Narcissist Code: 26 Ways to decode your spouse's sneaky behavior
Monday, June 10, 2024.
Welcome, gentle readers, to a guide that might just save your sanity (and your marriage)!
As a couples therapist, I've seen my fair share of narcissistic behavior, especially the sneaky kind.
Covert Narcissists can be charming on the surface but manipulative underneath, making them tricky to spot.
But fear not, I'm here to help you navigate these murky waters with 26 telltale signs that your spouse might be a Covert Narcissist.
They're Always the Victim: Covert Narcissists have a knack for playing the victim in every situation. Nothing is ever their fault; it's always someone else's doing.
The Humblebrag: They love to subtly boast about their achievements under the guise of humility. "I don't know how I aced that presentation, I barely prepared!" Aw shucks…
Gaslighting Galore: Covert Narcissists are masters of gaslighting, making you doubt your own sanity and perceptions.
The Silent Treatment: They use silence as a weapon to control and manipulate you, often leaving you wondering what you did wrong.
Lack of Empathy: They struggle to empathize with others, especially when it doesn't benefit them.
Grandiosity in Disguise: While they may not flaunt their accomplishments openly, Covert Narcissists harbor grandiose fantasies about their success and superiority.
Emotional Inaccessibility: They're often emotionally distant and unavailable, especially when you need them the most.
All About Them: Conversations always revolve around them and their interests. Your needs? Not so much.
Boundary Violations: Covert Narcissists have a knack for pushing boundaries and making you feel uncomfortable.
The Charmer: They can turn on the charm when it suits them, but it often feels calculated rather than genuine.
Entitlement Issues: They believe they're entitled to special treatment and often act outraged when they don't get it.
Passive-Aggressive Behavior: Instead of openly expressing their anger or frustration, they resort to passive-aggressive tactics.
Superiority Complex: They believe they're better than others and often look down on those they deem inferior.
Manipulative Tactics: Covert Narcissists are skilled manipulators, using guilt trips and emotional blackmail to get what they want.
Lack of Accountability: They refuse to take responsibility for their actions and will blame others instead.
Difficulty with Criticism: They can't handle criticism and often react defensively or with anger.
The One-Upper: They must one-up everyone else's stories and experiences.
Conditional Love: Their love and affection are often conditional, based on what you can do for them.
High Maintenance: They have unrealistic expectations and demand constant attention and admiration.
Martyr Complex: They love to play the martyr, portraying themselves as self-sacrificing and noble.
Victimizing Others: They often portray themselves as victims of circumstance, blaming others for their problems.
Lack of Genuine Interest: They feign interest in others but quickly lose interest if the conversation isn't about them.
Selective Memory: They conveniently "forget" things that don't align with their narrative or benefit them.
Image-Obsessed: They're overly concerned with their image and how others perceive them.
Social Climbing: They'll do whatever it takes to climb the social ladder, even if it means stepping on others.
Lack of Reciprocity: Covert Narcissists expect you to go above and beyond for them but rarely, if ever, do the same for you.
Final thoughts
Spotting Covert Narcissism in your spouse can be challenging, but with these 26 signs, you'll be better equipped to recognize the red flags.
Remember, dealing with a Covert Narcissist requires setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and seeking support from a therapist if needed. If you’ve read this far, I can help with that.
Stay strong, gentle readers, and may you navigate the murky waters of Covert Narcissism with clarity and grace.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
