10 Signs that you have Secure Attachment…
Tuesday, March 26, 2024.
10 Signs of Secure Attachment: Insights from Attachment Science Experts
Attachment Theory provides valuable insights into how individuals form and maintain connections with others.
Developed by pioneers such as John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, Attachment Theory highlights the importance of early experiences in shaping our attachment styles and how these styles influence our behavior in relationships throughout our lives.
Secure Attachment considered the ideal attachment style, is characterized by trust, emotional openness, and a sense of security in relationships. If you're wondering whether you exhibit signs of Secure Attachment, here are 10 key indicators supported by attachment science experts:
Asking for and Receiving Help Feels Natural: According to Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading expert in Emotionally Focused Therapy, Secure Attachment involves feeling comfortable seeking support from others. As she explains, "Securely attached folks can turn to their partners for comfort, reassurance, and assistance without fear of rejection or abandonment."
You Don’t Take Other People’s Bad Mood Personally: Dr. Dan Siegel, a renowned psychiatrist and author, emphasizes the importance of emotional regulation in Secure Attachment. Securely attached humans can maintain their emotional equilibrium even in the face of others' negative emotions, recognizing that these moods are not necessarily directed at them personally.
You Consciously Adapt Your Approach to Different Relationships: Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, authors of "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love," highlight the flexibility of securely attached humans in navigating various relationship dynamics. They note that such folks are adept at adjusting their behaviors and communication styles to suit the needs of different partners.
You Prefer to Approach an Argument Calmly and Directly: Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher in marital stability and relationship analysis, emphasizes the importance of constructive conflict resolution in Secure Attachment. Securely attached people are more likely to address disagreements calmly and directly, seeking mutually beneficial solutions rather than resorting to avoidance or hostility.
You’re Comfortable Being Inside and Outside a Relationship: Dr. Lisa Firestone, a clinical psychologist specializing in attachment theory, emphasizes the importance of maintaining a healthy sense of self within relationships. Securely attached humans can enjoy both the companionship of a partnership and the independence of solitude, recognizing that their self-worth is not dependent on external validation.
You Feel Empathy Without Feeling Overwhelmed By Thoughts or Feelings: Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability and shame, emphasizes the role of empathy in fostering Secure connections. Securely attached folks can empathize with others' experiences without becoming emotionally overwhelmed, maintaining healthy boundaries while still offering support and understanding.
You Can Set Personal and Collaborative Goals With Apparent Ease: Dr. Peter Fonagy, a leading figure in attachment theory and mentalization, highlights how the Securely attached can pursue personal aspirations and shared objectives within relationships. They can balance individual autonomy with collaborative efforts, fostering mutual growth and fulfillment.
You Are Comfortable Depending on Your Family and Friends: Dr. Stan Tatkin, developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), emphasizes the importance of Secure Attachment bonds in providing a sense of safety and security. Securely attached humans can rely on their loved ones for emotional support and assistance without feeling anxious or threatened by vulnerability.
Conflict Feels Uncomfortable, but You Can Deal: Dr. Judith Siegel, a clinical psychologist specializing in Attachment Theory and Family Therapy, acknowledges that conflict is an inevitable aspect of relationships. Securely attached folks may still find conflict uncomfortable, but they have the resilience and communication skills to navigate it effectively, fostering understanding and growth.
You Describe Other Humans in a Fair and Balanced Way: Dr. Carol Dweck, a pioneering researcher in mindset psychology, underscores the importance of adopting a growth-oriented relationship perspective. Securely attached people are likelier to perceive others in a balanced and nuanced manner, recognizing their strengths and weaknesses without resorting to extreme judgments or idealizations.
Final thoughts
Understanding the hallmarks of Secure Attachment can offer valuable insights into our interpersonal dynamics and emotional well-being. How many of these qualities and behaviors do you recognize in yourself or in your partner?
Believe it or not, under the right conditions, humans can heal into a Secure Attachment. With Secure Attachment, we can foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
