Why Women Don’t Actually Want to Date a Psychopath
Sunday, February 9, 2025.
If you’ve been doomscrolling through the internet lately, you might have stumbled upon the claim that manipulative, self-absorbed, and delightfully callous folks—otherwise known as members of the "Dark Triad"—are irresistible to potential mates.
You may have even been led to believe that narcissists, Machiavellians, and psychopaths are cleaning up in the dating scene, leaving the rest of us hapless romantics in the dust.
But alas, a new study published in the Journal of Personality suggests that this notion is about as accurate as a horoscope predicting your ex will text you back.
Researchers Yavor Dragostinov and Tom Booth took a long, hard look at whether Dark Triad traits actually make someone more attractive in the eyes of potential partners—or if this so-called ‘bad boy’ appeal is just a modern fairy tale we keep telling ourselves to justify bad decisions.
The Dark Triad: When Personality Disorders Think They’re Sexy
For the uninitiated, the Dark Triad is the unholy trinity of narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. These are not qualities you’d want in a babysitter, let alone a life partner.
Narcissists believe they are the main character, and everyone else is merely a background extra in their grand biopic.
Machiavellians are the people who’d sell their own grandmother for personal gain (and probably charge a convenience fee).
Psychopaths? They’re the ones who don’t feel guilt, remorse, or much of anything beyond a mild irritation that they have to pretend to be normal.
While these traits are generally considered unpleasant, previous research has suggested that they may hold some evolutionary advantage—like the ability to fake confidence, manipulate social situations, and exude a certain je ne sais toxic that might make them appear attractive in the short term. But is that really the case? Let’s find out.
Science Puts the ‘Charming Sociopath’ Myth to the Test
Dragostinov and Booth recruited over 1,200 participants across two studies to investigate whether Dark Triad traits make someone more appealing as a short-term or long-term mate.
They didn’t just ask, "Do you find psychopaths sexy?" (though think that would have been a much quicker study).
Instead, they showed participants facial images taken from the Chicago Face Dataset, paired with personality descriptions reflecting either low, medium, or high levels of Dark Triad traits.
The Results: Turns Out, People Like Nice Folks
If you were hoping for a scientific justification for your terrible taste in partners, prepare for disappointment.
Contrary to the popular myth that ‘bad boys’ (and presumably ‘bad girls’) have the most luck in love, participants overwhelmingly rated lower levels of Dark Triad traits as more attractive—even in short-term mating scenarios. This trend was even stronger for long-term relationships, where high Dark Triad traits were about as desirable as a roommate who never buys toilet paper.
Interestingly, the researchers found that men (those with a female sexual preference) were generally less selective in their ratings, tending to find all profiles more attractive overall.
Meanwhile, women (those with a male sexual preference) were more discerning, consistently ranking low Dark Triad individuals as the most appealing. Translation: while men were handing out participation trophies, women were carefully vetting for red flags.
But What About Confidence and Charm?
Of course, it’s important to acknowledge that real-life attraction isn’t just about a headshot and a personality description.
The study didn’t account for factors like charisma, humor, or the way a narcissist can sometimes tell an amusing story (before making it all about themselves). There’s also the reality that attraction operates on a cocktail of variables, including physical appeal, social status, and, well, good lighting.
Yet, even with these limitations, the study provides some much-needed pushback against the notion that being a jerk makes you irresistible. It turns out that while confidence is sexy, callous indifference is not.
What This Means for Dating Culture
Negging is a manipulative social tactic often used in dating and social interactions, particularly associated with pick-up artist (PUA) culture. It involves giving someone a backhanded compliment or a subtle insult designed to undermine their confidence while simultaneously increasing their need for validation from the person delivering the remark.
For example:
"You’re pretty cute for someone who doesn’t usually wear makeup."
"Wow, you’re really smart—most girls I meet don’t talk about books."
"That dress is interesting. I wouldn’t have picked it, but you pull it off."
The idea behind negging is to create a power imbalance where the recipient feels slightly insecure or off-balance and, in theory, seeks approval from the person who made the comment.
While some people mistakenly see it as flirting, it's widely criticized as a toxic and manipulative approach to human interaction.
In relationships, negging can be a red flag for emotional manipulation. It can create a dynamic where one person feels they must constantly prove themselves to the other, which can be damaging to self-esteem and emotional well-being.
I think that this research couldn’t come at a better time. In an era where social media influencers peddle toxic masculinity and dating coaches promise that ‘negging’ is the key to unlocking female attraction, the science tells a different story: kindness, empathy, and emotional intelligence remain the true heavyweights in the dating arena.
So, to anyone out there considering a personality overhaul in pursuit of more romantic success, here’s a suggestion—ditch the Dark Triad playbook and maybe just... be nice? This study says it works.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Dragostinov, Y., & Booth, T. (2024). The (Un)Attractiveness of Dark Triad Personalities: Assessing Fictitious Characters for Short- and Long-Term Relationships. Journal of Personality.
Jonason, P. K., Li, N. P., & Buss, D. M. (2010). The Costs and Benefits of the Dark Triad: Implications for Mate Poaching and Mate Retention. Personality and Individual Differences, 48(4), 373-378.
Holtzman, N. S., & Strube, M. J. (2013). People with Dark Personalities Tend to Create a Physically Attractive Veneer. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 4(4), 461-467.
Foster, J. D., Shrira, I., & Campbell, W. K. (2003). The Dark Triad and Mate Choice. Journal of Research in Personality, 37(6), 557-576.