Why Every Family Needs an ‘Oh Sh*t’ Protocol

Monday, March 3, 2025. I ‘ll never forget the training I took to be a first-responder for trauma victims in disaster scenarios.. I thought you might appreciate some of that training here, gentle readers.

Let’s be honest—no family is immune to chaos.

One minute, everything is fine. Dinner is on the stove, the kids are (mostly) clothed, and nobody has rage-texted the group chat in at least three days.

And then? BAM.

• Your teenager calls you from an unknown number and starts with, “Okay, don’t be mad…”

• Your mom calls mid-weekend with an ominous, “Are you sitting down?”

• A financial, medical, or emotional crisis arrives like an Amazon package you didn’t order.

Suddenly, everyone is scrambling, blaming, crying, and possibly Googling ‘how to do CPR on a cat.’

📌 This is why every family needs an ‘Oh Sh*t’ Protocol.

Not just for emergencies, but for predictable chaos—the moments when life upends itself and you need a clear plan before emotions hijack the situation.

Today, we’re diving into:
✅ Why families fall apart under stress (and how to prevent it).
✅ The psychology of panic and decision-making under pressure.
✅ The 5-step ‘Oh Sh*t’ Protocol that every family should have.*
✅ How to keep your family functional when everything goes sideways.

Let’s get into it.

Why Families Implode Under Stress (It’s Science, Not Personal). Your family isn’t uniquely bad at handling emergencies.

Most families suck at crisis management because… well, brains are bad at crisis management (Kahneman, 2011).

🔹 The Science of Emotional Hijacking

• When a crisis hits, your brain switches to survival mode (LeDoux, 1996).

• The prefrontal cortex (logic, planning) shuts down, and the amygdala (fight/flight) takes over.

• This is why, in an emergency, someone always ends up screaming, crying, or Googling useless things like ‘do I really need to go to the ER if my arm is only slightly broken?’

• In a crisis, your family won’t suddenly become a team of Navy SEALs.
  They will default to their worst instincts—which is why you need a plan in place before the chaos hits.

The 5-Step ‘Oh Sh*t’ Protocol Every Family Should Have

A good crisis plan isn’t just about who calls 911—it’s about keeping the emotional, logistical, and communication systems intact.

Here’s how to build yours:

🔹 Step 1: Identify Your Family’s ‘Crisis Personalities’

Every family has specific roles in chaos. Recognizing them prevents meltdowns.

Which one are you?

🚨 The Overreactor: “We’re all gonna die.” (Starts packing a ‘go bag’ for a minor inconvenience.)
🚨 The Underreactor: “It’s probably fine.” (Ignores the smoke alarm because it’s never an actual fire.)
🚨 The Google Doctor: “I checked WebMD, and you have five minutes to live.”
🚨 The Peacemaker: “Can everyone stop yelling for one second?”
🚨 The Ghost: Mysteriously vanishes in every crisis.

📌 Why This Matters:
Knowing who defaults to what helps you assign roles strategically (instead of letting Uncle Bob take charge when he’s clearly the Overreactor).

🔹 Step 2: The ‘Who Does What’ Chart (Before the Panic Hits)

Before disaster strikes, assign crisis roles.

✅ Who handles logistics? (Booking flights, calling hospitals, managing details.)
✅ Who handles communication? (Telling the extended family without starting a panic.)
✅ Who is the Emotional Support Person? (Designated therapist-on-duty.)
✅ Who is NOT ALLOWED to make big decisions? (Be honest. We all have one.)

📌 Why This Works:
Research shows that role clarity reduces panic and increases cooperation in emergencies (Weick & Sutcliffe, 2001).

🔹 Step 3: The “First Five” Rule

When chaos hits, your family needs a clear, repeatable process.

The ‘First Five’ Rule:
1️⃣ Pause & Breathe. (Seriously. Panic makes people stupid.)
2️⃣ Assess: Is this an ER-level event or a manageable mess?
3️⃣ Assign Roles (from Step 2).
4️⃣ Communicate. (Short, clear messages. No vague “something happened” texts.)
5️⃣ Triage Emotional Fallout. (One person handles logistics, one handles the feelings.)

📌 Why This Works:
Neurological studies show that clear steps prevent cognitive overload and panic (Klein, 1999).

🔹 Step 4: The ‘Don’t Make It Worse’ List

🚨 When chaos hits, people make it worse by:
❌ Yelling in group chats instead of solving the problem.
❌ Calling ten different people to ‘get their opinion’ on an urgent decision.
❌ Doomscrolling instead of taking action.

✅ Your family’s ‘Don’t Make It Worse’ List should include:

• No texting vague emergencies. (“CALL ME NOW” is unhelpful.)

• No over-explaining to outsiders. (Protect privacy—less chaos.)

• No unnecessary drama. (If it won’t fix the problem, drop it.)

📌 Why This Works:
A Harvard study on crisis response found that limiting information overload prevents bad decisions (Goleman, 2006).

🔹 Step 5: The Aftermath Plan (Because Emotional Fallout is Inevitable)

Once the immediate crisis is over, your family needs a cleanup strategy.

✅ Post-Crisis Check-In:

• Who needs emotional support?

• What loose ends need tying up?

• Did the ‘Oh Sh*t’ Protocol work? (If not, adjust it.)

🚀 Because Sooner or Later, Something Will Hit the Fan

Studies on family resilience show that processing a crisis afterward builds long-term emotional strength (Walsh, 2016).

Your family will face emergencies.
Your family will have unpredictable disasters.

But whether those moments turn into full-blown catastrophes?

That depends on whether you have a plan—or just wing it.

✅ A good ‘Oh Sh*t’ Protocol won’t eliminate chaos.
✅ But it will prevent unnecessary suffering, drama, and regret.

And honestly? That’s worth its weight in gold.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.