Why Breakups Feel Like Getting Hit by a Truck Full of Feelings: A Scientific Breakdown
Friday, April 11, 2025.
So your partner dumps you. Maybe they say “It’s not you, it’s me.”
Maybe they ghost you like they’re being paid by Casper.
Either way, welcome to one of humanity’s most universal and undignified experiences: the romantic breakup. And good news—science is finally catching up to your heartbreak.
In a recent study that reads like a behavioral autopsy report, Menelaos Apostolou and colleagues (2024) went fishing for patterns in the raw sewage of human emotion.
Published in Evolutionary Psychology, the research uncovers 13 distinct reactions to getting dumped, which conveniently cluster into three basic modes of suffering. You might call them:
The Disengaged Stoic (“Accept and forget”)
The Sad Blob (“Sadness and depression”)
The Cautionary Tale (“Physical and psychological aggression”)
The Study: Let’s Pretend and See What You Say
Participants weren’t recruited from breakups in the wild. No, the researchers used hypothetical questions. Because when imagining emotional ruin, people are known for their rational insight.
First, 219 Greek-speaking participants answered open-ended questions like:
“What would you do if someone dumped you and you weren’t ready to let go?”
(Responses ranged from “crying alone” to “revenge sex” to “starting therapy.” So, you know, just Tuesday for some of us.)
Later, a different batch of 442 participants rated how likely they’d be to engage in each of 79 reactions. The scientists then statistically boiled this down to 13 reaction types, and then again into three giant emotional casseroles. Because science loves a good label.
The Three Breakup Baskets of Doom
Accept and Forget (a.k.a. “New Phone, Who Dis?”)
This was the most common type of response, and possibly the most socially acceptable. Participants imagined cutting off contact, pouring themselves into hobbies, or getting aggressively into yoga. Emotionally, it’s the equivalent of changing your Spotify password so your ex can't see what you're crying to.
Sadness and Depression (a.k.a. “Alexa, play Adele”)
Participants imagined curling up in a ball, asking “Why?” on repeat, crying, or calling a therapist. This cluster also includes insecure self-questioning, journaling in existential dread, and walking slowly in the rain like you’re in a French film.
Physical and Psychological Aggression (a.k.a. “Don’t Be That Person”)
Thankfully the least endorsed, this cluster includes things like threatening self-harm, spying on the ex, screaming into voicemail, and performing highly dignified acts like revenge sex. It's the domain of breakup behaviors that get you blocked and possibly reported.
Who Reacts How?
Here’s where it gets even more interesting (or depressing, depending on your age and gender):
Men were statistically more likely than women to choose “revenge sex,” presumably because punching walls is no longer trendy.
Younger folks were more prone to “sadness and depression” and the desperate urge to win their ex back.
Older folks were more likely to say “meh,” cut ties, and move on. Which might be wisdom. Or just emotional fatigue.
Current relationship status didn’t change responses much—because let’s face it, some people rehearse heartbreak the way others rehearse wedding toasts.
Limitations: What If You’re Not Greek, Hypothetical, or Honest?
Before you take this study as gospel, note:
All participants were Greek-speaking. If your heartbreak happens in Cincinnati, proceed with cultural caution.
The study was hypothetical. Imagined pain is not the same as actual pain—just ask anyone who’s actually been blindsided by a text that says “I think we want different things.”
There’s no tracking of what people actually did post-breakup. Because it’s easier to say you’d meditate than admit you sent 4,000 words of closure via Instagram DMs at 2 a.m.
So What Does It All Mean?
Breakups are the evolutionary equivalent of being told you’re unfit to mate.
Evolutionary psychologists frame this as a “fitness cost,” meaning your genes just lost their ride to the next generation. So of course, the human brain panics. It begs, broods, and sometimes behaves badly.
The science reveals what your friends already know: heartbreak is messy, full of patterns, and only occasionally poetic. But here's a silver lining from the study—most people imagine handling it with some measure of dignity. Cutting ties. Seeking support. Distracting themselves with life.
Sure, some responses involve slashing emotional tires or seeking "revenge intimacy" (ew), but for the most part, people anticipate their own sadness with a surprising amount of self-awareness.
So next time you see someone in breakup mode, remember: there are only three buckets of emotional response. And if they’re not crying into their hoodie or angrily burning love letters, they might just be quietly moving on—one overly intense Zumba class at a time.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES
Apostolou, M., Taliadoros, I., & Lajunen, T. J. (2024). How people react to the termination of an intimate relationship: An exploratory mixed-methods study. Evolutionary Psychology, 22(1). https://doi.org/10.1177/14747049241235514
Perilloux, C., & Buss, D. M. (2008). Breaking up romantic relationships: Costs experienced and coping strategies deployed. Evolutionary Psychology, 6(1), 164–181. https://doi.org/10.1177/147470490800600112
Field, T., Diego, M., Pelaez, M., Deeds, O., & Delgado, J. (2009). Breakup distress and loss of intimacy in university students. Psychology, 1(1), 1–7. https://doi.org/10.4236/psych.2009.11001
Sbarra, D. A., & Ferrer, E. (2006). The structure and process of emotional experience following nonmarital relationship dissolution: Dynamic factor analyses of love, anger, and sadness. Emotion, 6(2), 224–238. https://doi.org/10.1037/1528-3542.6.2.224