When the World Is Shaking, How to Steady Your Family: A Modest Guide to Staying Connected Through Uncertainty
Thursday, June19, 2025.
Something is pressing down on families right now.
You can hear it in the sighs between chores, in the snapped “what?” that wasn't meant to sting, in the tense silences over dinner.
When global stress spikes—whether due to economic instability, political upheaval, climate anxiety, or community trauma—it doesn’t stay outside our doors. It moves in with us.
If your family feels more brittle, more fatigued, or more reactive lately, you are not alone.
This is what shared uncertainty feels like in close quarters.
And this post is here to remind you that you can still build emotional safety and resilience right in the middle of it all.
The Nervous System Lives in the Living Room
We tend to think of stress as personal—my panic, your anxiety.
But families are co-regulating ecosystems. Emotional distress doesn’t just affect a relationship—it moves through it.
According to Porges’ (2011) Polyvagal Theory, humans use social engagement (facial expression, tone of voice, gestures) to regulate one another’s nervous systems.
This is particularly true in families. If one person is in chronic fight-or-flight, the others will start to mirror or brace against it (Gottman & Gottman, 2021). Over time, this mutual dysregulation erodes emotional safety—unless we get intentional.
And this isn’t just for romantic partners. Children, especially, are emotional barometers. “Children respond not only to what parents say, but how they emotionally behave,” says Shonkoff et al. (2012), whose work in developmental neuroscience highlights how stress exposure in the home affects a child’s lifelong emotional architecture.
What Is Emotional Safety—And Why Does It Matter Now More Than Ever?
Emotional safety is the felt sense that you can bring your full self into the relationship and still be safe—emotionally, psychologically, and physically. When families are under strain, it’s the first thing to go.
Voices get sharper. Listening shortens. Touch withdraws. Trust frays. But emotional safety can be rebuilt.
Three core ingredients of emotional safety in times of upheaval (Johnson, 2019):
Accessibility – Can I reach you when I’m scared?
Responsiveness – Will you respond to me with care?
Engagement – Will you stay present, even when it’s hard?
Even during crisis—or especially then—these elements are more healing than solving problems. You don’t need answers. You need each other.
Micro-Rituals for Macro-Stability
When life feels unstable, small, repeated rituals offer anchors. They say, “We’re still here. We’re still us.” These don’t have to be elaborate. But they should be intentional, embodied, and co-created.
Shared Stillness
Spend 5 minutes together each night doing nothing but breathing in the same room. No phones. No talking. Just presence. Eye contact optional, hand-holding ideal. Neuroscientific studies show synchronized breathing and stillness reduce cortisol and increase relational attunement (Feldman, 2007; Cozolino, 2014).
The Daily Gratitude Echo
Before bed, each person shares one specific thing they appreciated about someone else in the family. This practice shifts attention from scanning for threats to scanning for care—an evidence-based cognitive reset known to reduce anxiety (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).
Re-Entry Rituals
When one person comes home (or signs off Zoom), they are greeted with eye contact, a brief touch, and a warm question: “How’s your nervous system today?” It might sound clinical, but it invites a more honest check-in than “How was work?” and signals mutual emotional care.
But What About the Kids?
Children don’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be regulated and repairing.
If you lost your temper, if the energy in the house has been off—own it. Say, “Hey, I’ve been really short lately. That’s on me. The world feels heavy, and I’m learning how to carry it better. Let’s do something silly together tonight.”
Research shows that children gain more resilience when they witness loving caregivers experience stress and then recover and reconnect (Siegel & Hartzell, 2003). This teaches them the most vital truth: big feelings are survivable, and love doesn't break when someone messes up.
When One of You Copes Differently (and You’re Driving Each Other Nuts)
Families often split into two stress camps: the “information seekers” and the “escape artists.”
One wants to talk about the economy, doomscroll, or plan for worst-case scenarios. The other wants to take a nap, walk the dog, or pretend it’s all fine.
Neither is wrong.
These are complementary, not contradictory, responses.
What matters is acknowledging that each person is trying to protect the family in their own way.
The Gottmans call this “positive sentiment override”—a way to interpret differences through a lens of generosity (Gottman & Gottman, 2021).
So next time your partner zones out during your fourth news monologue, instead try:
"I get that your way of handling this is different. It makes me feel less alone when we check in for 10 minutes a day. Can we try that?"
You Are Allowed to Pause
When everything outside feels urgent, the most radical thing you can do is slow down. Put the argument on ice. Take a walk together. Touch your partner’s hand and say, “Let’s come back to this tomorrow. I want to talk when we’re both safer inside.”
This is not avoidance. It’s regulated communication.
It's the nervous system version of pressing Save before the power goes out.
Final Words: You Are Not Broken. You Are Adapting.
You don’t need to fix your whole relationship this week.
You don’t need to pretend to be a serene parent while the world frays.
You just need to practice small, loving repairs.
You are allowed to not be okay.
You are allowed to be a family that holds each other while things are hard.
That is what resilience looks like.
Need a printable guide to these rituals and scripts?
Let me know—I’ll send you a free copy for your fridge or family meetings.
Be Well, Stay Calm, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Cozolino, L. (2014). The neuroscience of human relationships: Attachment and the developing social brain (2nd ed.). W. W. Norton & Company.
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377
Feldman, R. (2007). Parent–infant synchrony and the construction of shared timing; physiological precursors, developmental outcomes, and risk conditions. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 48(3‐4), 329–354. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1469-7610.2006.01701.x
Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2021). Eight dates: Essential conversations for a lifetime of love. Workman Publishing.
Johnson, S. (2019). Attachment theory in practice: Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) with individuals, couples, and families. Guilford Press.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.
Shonkoff, J. P., Garner, A. S., Siegel, B. S., et al. (2012). The lifelong effects of early childhood adversity and toxic stress. Pediatrics, 129(1), e232–e246. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2011-2663
Siegel, D. J., & Hartzell, M. (2003). Parenting from the inside out: How a deeper self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive. TarcherPerigee.