What is Future Faking?

Wednesday, August 7, 2024.

Future faking is a manipulative tactic often used by narcissists to control and manipulate their victims.

It involves making grand promises about the future to keep the victim invested in the relationship.

By creating an illusion of a bright, shared future, the narcissist secures the victim’s commitment and compliance, all while having no intention of fulfilling these promises.

This tactic plays on the victim’s hopes and dreams, making it a particularly insidious form of emotional manipulation.

The Mechanisms of Future Faking

• Creating Illusions and False Promises

Future faking involves the narcissist making detailed and emotionally charged promises about future events or milestones.

These might include plans for marriage, having children, buying a home, or embarking on exciting ventures together. The narcissist uses these promises to paint a picture of a perfect future, which keeps the victim hopeful and emotionally invested.

However, these promises are rarely, if ever, fulfilled. The narcissist has no intention of making these dreams a reality; instead, they use them as a tool to maintain control over the victim.

• Emotional Manipulation and Control

Future faking is a powerful form of emotional manipulation. By dangling the prospect of a happy future, the narcissist keeps the victim in a state of anticipation and dependency.

This manipulation ensures that the victim remains committed to the relationship, often enduring significant emotional and psychological abuse in the hope that the promised future will eventually materialize.

• Intermittent Reinforcement and Trauma Bonding

Narcissists often use intermittent reinforcement alongside future faking. They provide occasional glimpses of affection and attention, reinforcing the victim’s belief in the promised future.

This creates a trauma bond, where the victim becomes emotionally attached to the abuser despite the ongoing manipulation and abuse. The intermittent reinforcement keeps the victim hooked, making it difficult for them to leave the relationship.

Psychological Impact on Victims

The constant cycle of broken promises and unfulfilled expectations erodes the victim’s self-esteem and confidence. They begin to question their worth and whether they are deserving of the promised future. This self-doubt makes them more susceptible to further manipulation and control by the narcissist.

• Cognitive Dissonance

Victims of future faking experience cognitive dissonance, a psychological phenomenon where they hold two conflicting beliefs. On one hand, they believe in the narcissist’s promises and the vision of a happy future; on the other hand, they are confronted with the reality of ongoing manipulation and abuse.

This dissonance creates significant emotional distress, leading the victim to rationalize the narcissist’s behavior and cling to the hope that the future promises will come true.

• Loss of Time and Opportunities

Future faking causes victims to invest significant time and emotional energy into the relationship, often at the expense of their personal growth and opportunities. They may put their own goals and dreams on hold, waiting for the narcissist’s promises to be fulfilled.

This can lead to a profound sense of loss and regret when they eventually realize that the promised future was never going to materialize.

Thought Leaders on Future Faking

Dr. Ramani Durvasula

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and expert on narcissistic abuse, explains future faking as a tactic narcissists use to create a sense of hope and dependency in their victims. She emphasizes that these promises are not genuine but are designed to keep the victim entangled in the relationship.

According to Dr. Durvasula, recognizing future faking is crucial for victims to break free from the cycle of abuse.

Shahida Arabi

Shahida Arabi, an author and advocate for survivors of narcissistic abuse, discusses future faking in her book "Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare." She describes it as a form of gaslighting, where the narcissist’s promises create a distorted reality for the victim.

Arabi highlights the importance of understanding this manipulation tactic to empower victims to reclaim their lives and rebuild their self-esteem.

Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans, a narcissistic abuse recovery expert, explains that future faking is a common tactic used by narcissists to maintain control over their victims. She advises that victims should pay attention to the narcissist’s actions rather than their words.

Evans advocates for establishing firm boundaries and prioritizing self-care to break free from the manipulative cycle of future faking.

Steps for Healing and Recovery

• Education and Awareness: Learning about future faking and its mechanisms is the first step toward healing. Victims should educate themselves on narcissistic abuse tactics to recognize manipulation and regain clarity.

• Reconnecting with Support Systems: Rebuilding connections with friends, family, and support networks provides external validation and support. Joining support groups for survivors of narcissistic abuse can offer a safe space to share experiences and gain insights.

• Professional Therapy: Seeking help from a therapist experienced in narcissistic abuse can guide victims through the healing process. Therapy can help rebuild self-esteem, address trauma, and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

• Setting Boundaries: Establishing and enforcing boundaries is crucial for protecting oneself from further abuse. This may involve limiting contact with the narcissist or, in some cases, going no-contact to ensure safety and well-being.

• Practicing Self-Compassion: Victims should practice self-compassion and mindfulness to counteract the negative self-perceptions instilled by the narcissist. Techniques such as journaling, meditation, and positive affirmations can support emotional healing.

Final thoughts

Future faking is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to control and manipulate their victims by making grand promises about a future they have no intention of fulfilling. This tactic creates a powerful illusion that keeps victims emotionally invested and hopeful, despite the ongoing abuse.B

The dynamics of future faking, including its impact on self-esteem, cognitive dissonance, and trauma bonding, are deep and pervasive.

Education, support, therapy, boundary-setting, and self-compassion are essential steps for recovery. Thought leaders like Dr. Ramani Durvasula, Shahida Arabi, and Melanie Tonia Evans provide valuable insights and guidance for those seeking to break free from the cycle of narcissistic abuse and reclaim their lives.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.