What happens to narcissists when they get old?
Friday, April 5, 2024. This is for the long-suffering RB.
Aging Gracefully: The Narcissism Decline and Rekindling Relationships
As a couples therapist, I often navigate the turbulent waters of my client’s ego and vulnerability in their family settings.
One of the most glaring signs of a narcissistic family member is their aversion to criticism.
They recoil, they lash out—anything to protect their fragile self-image.
But here's the kicker: with age comes wisdom, or so they say.
Recent research has explored this notion, revealing that as we grow older, our narcissism tends to deflate like a popped balloon at a birthday party…
Dr. William Chopik, the leading mind behind a revelatory study, sheds light on this phenomenon: "There’s a narrative in our culture that generations are getting more and more narcissistic, but no one has ever looked at it throughout generations or how it varies with age at the same time."
How the study was conducted
In the study, 747 humans of all ages were prodded about their narcissistic tendencies—sensitivity to criticism, self-absorption, and the compulsion to impose their views on others.
Lo and behold, with each passing year, these traits tended to dwindle like the last embers of a dying campfire…
Why, you might ask? Well, life, my dear readers, has a way of humbling even the proudest peacocks. As we age, we accumulate experiences, form new bonds, and confront life's curveballs head-on. Suddenly, it's not all about us anymore…
Think about it: the first job, the heartbreaks, the inevitable confrontation with our own mortality—they're like a cosmic reality check. Suddenly, being the center of the universe loses its appeal when you realize it's a rather lonely place to be.
But wait, there's more! The study revealed a delightful and intriguing tidbit: young adults experience the most drastic decline in narcissism.
It's almost poetic, isn't it? The transition from the carefree days of youth to the harsh realities of adulthood serves as a crash course in humility.
Now, let's address the elephant in the room: adult-child estrangement.
It's a topic as delicate as a house of cards in a windstorm for old narcissists….
As Baby Boomers gracefully waltz into their golden years, we've witnessed a surge in familial rifts…
But could it be that the mere act of aging is the ultimate antidote to narcissism… paving the way for the possibility of reconciliation and renewed connections?
What role do our interpersonal relationships play in this transformation? Are they mere mirrors reflecting back our flaws and vulnerabilities, or do they serve as crucibles for personal growth and introspection? And what of the delicate dance between parent and child, where the echoes of past wounds reverberate through the corridors of time?
And then there's the thorny issue of adult child estrangement—a topic as fraught with emotion as it is with unanswered questions.
Could it be that the decline of narcissism in older adults paves the way for reconciliation and renewed connections with estranged loved ones? Or are some wounds simply too deep to heal, regardless of age or wisdom?
Here’s another good question: Can we operationalize this research and help estranged elders recover and reconnect with estranged loved ones?
As we peer into the murky depths of human nature, one thing becomes abundantly clear: the journey of aging is a multifaceted tapestry woven from the threads of experience, resilience, and above all, humility.
It challenges us to confront our own shortcomings, to embrace the messy complexities of human relationships, and to find solace in perhaps a shared journey of self-discovery with our pissed-off adult children… I can help with that…
Be Well, Stay Kind and Godspeed.
RESEARCH:
Chopik, W. J., & Grimm, K. J. (2019). Longitudinal changes and historic differences in narcissism from adolescence to older adulthood. Psychology and Aging, 34(8), 1109–1123. https://doi.org/10.1037/pag0000379
