What counts as cheating?
Thursday, July 11, 2024.
Cheating can be as perplexing as deciding what to wear on a Sunday.
Is it that forbidden text message, or the kiss under the mistletoe at the office party?
Let's explore evolutionary psychology and some solid social science research.
The Many Faces of Cheating
Physical Infidelity
We’re talking about the classics: kissing, hugging, making out, and of course, the big finale – sex. It's universally understood that these are usually off-limits in most relationships.
However, not all cultures see physical contact as cheating. In some societies, kissing is as routine as shaking hands. For example, a study by Buss (1994) found that physical infidelity is universally distressing, but the levels of distress vary significantly across cultures.
Emotional Infidelity
Then we have the subtle, yet profound, emotional cheating. Imagine your partner spending hours chatting with a "friend" and sharing their deepest thoughts and feelings.
Emotional infidelity can be just as devastating as physical infidelity, if not more so. Research by Treas and Giesen (2000) suggests that emotional connections outside the primary relationship can threaten the bond between partners by diverting emotional resources.
Evolutionary Psychology’s Take
From an evolutionary standpoint, men and women might perceive cheating differently.
Buss et al. (1992) found that men are more likely to be distressed by physical infidelity, while women are more likely to be distressed by emotional infidelity.
Historically, men have been more concerned with physical infidelity due to paternity uncertainty. Women, on the other hand, might be more affected by emotional infidelity due to the need for a stable partner to help raise offspring.
Cultural Variations
In some cultures, what counts as cheating can be vastly different. For instance:
France: A nation famous for its laissez-faire attitude towards romance might not consider a little flirtation or a kiss as cheating (Guerra, 2013).
Middle Eastern Countries: In many Middle Eastern cultures, even a casual conversation with a non-related person of the opposite sex can be seen as infidelity (Khapoya, 2012).
Japan: The concept of "secret affairs" or having a "side piece" can be somewhat accepted in certain social circles, though still frowned upon if discovered (Bornoff, 1991).
The Digital Dilemma
In the age of technology, cheating has taken on new forms. Is it cheating if your partner is sexting someone else?
What about maintaining an active profile on dating apps?
These digital interactions add layers of complexity to what constitutes infidelity. A study by Cravens and Whiting (2014) suggests that online infidelity can be just as harmful to relationships as offline infidelity.
Micro-Cheating
Ever heard of micro-cheating?
It’s those small actions that suggest a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside their relationship.
Liking someone’s photos obsessively, sliding into DMs, or even maintaining a secret Snapchat streak with someone could all be seen as micro-cheating.
Research by McDaniel et al. (2017) highlights that micro-cheating behaviors, though seemingly minor, can accumulate and impact relationship satisfaction.
Final thoughts
So, what counts as cheating? It really depends on your cultural background, personal values, and the specific boundaries set within your relationship.
The key is open communication with your partner about what you both consider crossing the line.
Remember, a good laugh and a heartfelt talk can often clear the air better than mindreading about any set of rules.
At the end of the day, cheating is like a cultural sin - you know it when you see it, and everyone has their own interpretation.
REFERENCES:
Bornoff, N. (1991). Pink Samurai: Love, Marriage & Sex in Contemporary Japan. HarperCollins.
Buss, D. M. (1994). The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. Basic Books.
Buss, D. M., Larsen, R. J., Westen, D., & Semmelroth, J. (1992). Sex differences in jealousy: Evolution, physiology, and psychology. Psychological Science, 3(4), 251-255.
Cravens, J. D., & Whiting, J. B. (2014). Clinical implications of internet infidelity: Where Facebook fits in. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 42(4), 325-339.
Guerra, N. (2013). The French Way: How France Embraced and Rejected American Values and Power. Random House.
Khapoya, V. B. (2012). The African Experience: An Introduction. Routledge.
McDaniel, B. T., Drouin, M., & Cravens, J. D. (2017). Do you have anything to hide? Infidelity-related behaviors on social media sites and marital satisfaction. Computers in Human Behavior, 66, 88-95.
Treas, J., & Giesen, D. (2000). Sexual infidelity among married and cohabiting Americans. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(1), 48-60.
