What are you looking for in a relationship?
Wednesday, February 28, 2024.
So the question is…What are you looking for in a relationship?
In a relationship, what you look for can vary widely depending on individual needs, values, and life circumstances.
However, from a vantage point informed by the latest research in couples therapy, there are several vital elements that humans often desire and benefit from in their relationships.
You might want to compare your thoughts and beliefs to these:
Emotional Connection and Intimacy: Research consistently shows that emotional connection and intimacy are crucial for relationship satisfaction and longevity. Couples often seek a partner with whom they can share their deepest thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities, fostering a sense of closeness and understanding.
Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills: Effective communication and conflict resolution skills are fundamental for navigating the inevitable challenges that arise in any relationship. Couples desire a partner who can listen actively, express themselves clearly and empathetically, and collaborate towards mutually satisfactory resolutions.
Trust and Reliability: Trust forms the foundation of any healthy relationship. Couples seek partners who are reliable, dependable, and trustworthy, as these qualities contribute to a sense of security and stability in the relationship.
Shared Values and Goals: Alignment in values, goals, and life aspirations fosters a sense of unity and cohesion in a relationship. Couples often seek partners who share their core beliefs and vision for the future, allowing them to build a meaningful and purposeful life together.
Support and Empathy: Feeling supported and understood by one's partner is essential for individual well-being and relationship satisfaction. Couples seek partners who can offer empathy, validation, and encouragement during both the good times and the challenging moments.
Personal Growth and Development: Healthy relationships provide a supportive environment for personal growth and self-discovery. Couples desire partners who encourage their individual development, challenge them to become the best version of themselves, and celebrate their achievements.
Physical and Sexual Compatibility: Physical attraction and sexual compatibility play a significant role in romantic relationships. Couples seek partners with whom they share a satisfying and fulfilling physical connection, encompassing emotional and sexual intimacy.
Respect and Equality: Mutual respect and equality are essential for fostering a healthy and balanced relationship dynamic. Couples seek partners who value and honor their autonomy, opinions, and boundaries, promoting a sense of fairness and reciprocity.
It's important to note that while these factors are commonly sought in relationships, individual preferences and priorities can vary. Additionally, successful relationships often require ongoing effort, communication, and adaptation to meet the evolving needs of both partners.
Emotional Connection and Intimacy: Research consistently demonstrates the critical role of emotional connection and intimacy in relationship satisfaction and longevity (Gottman & Silver, 1999; Reis & Shaver, 1988). Couples who prioritize emotional intimacy report higher levels of overall relationship satisfaction and are better equipped to navigate challenges together (Reis et al., 2018).
Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills: Effective communication and conflict resolution skills are foundational for healthy relationships (Gottman, 1994; Gottman & Notarius, 2000). Studies have shown that couples who communicate openly and constructively experience greater relationship satisfaction and lower rates of divorce (Markman et al., 2010; Gottman et al., 2015).
Trust and Reliability: Trust is widely recognized as a cornerstone of successful relationships (Holmes & Rempel, 1989; Rempel et al., 1985). Research indicates that trust and reliability positively correlate with relationship satisfaction and stability, as they contribute to feelings of security and commitment (Simpson, 2007; Johnson & Bradbury, 1999).
Shared Values and Goals: Aligning values and goals is associated with greater relationship satisfaction and longevity (Kurdek, 1998; Stanley et al., 2006). Couples who share common values and aspirations can better support each other's growth and navigate life's challenges together (Stanley et al., 2010).
Support and Empathy: Empathetic support from a partner is linked to higher levels of relationship satisfaction and well-being (Cutrona et al., 1994; Collins & Feeney, 2000). Research shows that couples who provide emotional support and validation to each other experience greater intimacy and connection (Maisel & Gable, 2009; Feeney & Collins, 2015).
Personal Growth and Development: Healthy relationships facilitate personal growth and development (Reis et al., 2000; Aron et al., 2000). Partners who encourage each other's individual aspirations and celebrate their achievements contribute to a thriving relationship dynamic (Pasch & Bradbury, 1998; Knee et al., 2003).
Physical and Sexual Compatibility: Physical attraction and sexual compatibility are significant factors in relationship satisfaction (Birnbaum et al., 2006; Mark et al., 2011). Research suggests that couples who maintain a satisfying physical and sexual connection report higher levels of overall relationship satisfaction and commitment (McNulty et al., 2016; Impett et al., 2017).
Respect and Equality: Mutual respect and equality are essential for maintaining a healthy relationship dynamic (Helgeson & Fritz, 1999; Felmlee, 1994). Studies indicate that relationships characterized by mutual respect and egalitarianism are more likely to thrive and endure over time (Sprecher & Felmlee, 1992; Johnson et al., 2014).
When you ask yourself, “What am I looking for in a relationship?” you’ll discover that by prioritizing the above factors, you might cultivate a fulfilling and enduring relationship that contribute to your overall happiness and well-being. You can thank me later because If you're serious, I can really help with that.
Be well, stay kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony.
Reis, H. T., & Shaver, P. (1988). Intimacy as an interpersonal process. In S. Duck (Ed.), Handbook of Personal Relationships (pp. 367-389). Wiley.
Gottman, J. M. (1994). What Predicts Divorce? The Relationship between Marital Processes and Marital Outcomes. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Holmes, J. G., & Rempel, J. K. (1989). Trust in close relationships. In C. Hendrick (Ed.), Close Relationships (pp. 187-220). Sage Publications.
Simpson, J. A. (2007). Psychological Foundations of Trust. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 16(5), 264-268.
Kurdek, L. A. (1998). The Nature and Predictors of the Trajectory of Change in Marital Quality over the First 4 Years of Marriage for First-Married Husbands and Wives. Journal of Family Psychology, 12(4), 494–510.
Cutrona, C. E., Russell, D. W., & Gardner, K. A. (1994). The Relationship Enhancement Model of Social Support. In B. R. Sarason, I. G. Sarason, & G. R. Pierce (Eds.), Social Support: An Interactional View (pp. 317-366). John Wiley & Sons.
Aron, A., Aron, E. N., & Norman, C. (2000). Self-Expansion Model of Motivation and Cognition in Close Relationships and Beyond. In M. P. Zanna (Ed.), Advances in Experimental Social Psychology (Vol. 32, pp. 161-207). Academic Press.
Birnbaum, G. E., Reis, H. T., Mikulincer, M., Gillath, O., & Orpaz, A. (2006). When sex is more than just sex: Attachment orientations, sexual experience, and relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91(5), 929–943.
Helgeson, V. S., & Fritz, H. L. (1999). Unmitigated Agency and Unmitigated Communion: Distinctions from Agency and Communion. Journal of Research in Personality, 33(2), 131–158.
Sprecher, S., & Felmlee, D. (1992). The Balance of Power in Romantic Heterosexual Couples over Time from “His” and “Her” Perspectives. Sex Roles, 26(11-12), 591–609.
