Unmasking the Malignant Narcissist: Overt vs. Covert
Tuesday, June 11, 2024.
Narcissism is a term often tossed around casually, but when it comes to Malignant Narcissism, we're delving into a much darker and more complex territory.
In the realm of Malignant Narcissists, there are two primary types: Overt and Covert.
Each type presents its own unique challenges and requires different strategies for coping and understanding.
As I mentioned in my last post, as a couples therapist, I'm tripping over them everywhere.
I encountered both types and their distinctive patterns of behavior. Let's explore the intricacies of Overt and Covert Malignant Narcissists, armed with a few insights from thought leaders and clinical experts.
The Overt Malignant Narcissist: The Obvious Villain
The Classic Narcissist:
The Overt Malignant Narcissist embodies the classic image of narcissism that most people recognize. They are loud, boastful, and unapologetically self-absorbed. Their presence is often commanding and demanding, making them easy to spot but no less difficult to deal with.
Defining Traits:
Grandiosity: They have an inflated sense of self-importance and believe they are superior to others.
Entitlement: They expect special treatment and unquestioning compliance from those around them.
Lack of Empathy: They have little to no regard for the feelings and needs of others.
Exploitation: They use people as tools to achieve their own goals, discarding them when they are no longer useful.
Dr. Craig Malkin, author of Rethinking Narcissism, explains that overt narcissists display their arrogance and need for attention openly. Their grandiose behavior and lack of empathy are evident to those around them, making their narcissism apparent but no less harmful.
In Relationships:
In a relationship, the overt narcissist is controlling and domineering. They insist on being the center of attention and make all the decisions. Disagreements often feel one-sided, as they are unwilling to consider other perspectives. Their partner may feel undervalued and constantly overshadowed by the narcissist's demands and self-centeredness.
The Covert Malignant Narcissist: The Stealth Bomber
The Hidden Narcissist:
The Covert Malignant Narcissist, in contrast, is more subtle and harder to identify. They hide their narcissism behind a façade of humility and victimhood, making their manipulative behavior less obvious but potentially more damaging.
Defining Traits:
False Humility: They present themselves as modest and unassuming, but this is often a ploy to gain sympathy and admiration.
Passive-Aggression: They express their hostility in indirect ways, such as through sarcasm or backhanded compliments.
Martyr Complex: They frequently portray themselves as victims, claiming to be misunderstood or unfairly treated.
Envy: They harbor deep-seated envy towards others’ successes and happiness, often attempting to undermine them covertly.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and expert on narcissism, highlights that covert narcissists are adept at manipulation. Their tactics are less overt but can leave their victims feeling confused and questioning their own reality. This subtlety makes them particularly insidious in their interactions.
In Relationships:
In a relationship, the Covert Narcissist excels at emotional manipulation. They might neglect important occasions or make their partner feel guilty for expressing their needs. Their tactics create a sense of unpredictability and insecurity, leaving their partner walking on eggshells, unsure of what will trigger the next episode of passive-aggressive behavior.
The Malignant Factor: Turning Narcissism into a Dark Art
The Dark Triad:
Malignant Narcissism goes beyond simple self-absorption; it combines narcissism with elements of Machiavellianism and psychopathy. These folks are not only self-centered but also manipulative and lacking in conscience.
Overt Malignant Narcissist:
The Overt Malignant Narcissist blends arrogance and entitlement with a ruthless desire for power and control. To achieve their ends, they engage in manipulative and sometimes sadistic behaviors. In professional settings, they may be the cutthroat executive who stops at nothing to climb the corporate ladder, regardless of who gets hurt in the process.
Covert Malignant Narcissist:
The Covert Malignant Narcissist, on the other hand, employs deceit and subtle sabotage to undermine their targets. They may present as helpful and caring, but their actions are designed to erode their victims’ confidence and well-being. In the workplace, this might be the colleague who quietly takes credit for others' work or spreads rumors to discredit rivals.
Sam Vaknin, a self-proclaimed narcissist and author of Malignant Self-Love, describes Malignant Narcissists as deriving pleasure from manipulating and harming others. Their need for power and control overrides any semblance of empathy or moral restraint, making them profoundly toxic individuals.
5 Strategies for Dealing with Malignant Narcissists
1. Establish Boundaries:
Setting clear boundaries is essential when dealing with both Overt and Covert Malignant Narcissists. This might involve limiting interactions, clearly stating your limits, and enforcing consequences when those boundaries are crossed.
2. Seek Support:
Narcissists thrive on isolating their victims. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can provide emotional reinforcement and a reality check, helping you maintain perspective and strength.
3. Don’t Engage:
Malignant Narcissists feed off conflict and emotional reactions. Maintaining your composure and refusing to engage in their provocations can reduce their power over you. It's important to remain calm and not give them the reaction they seek.
4. Document Everything:
In professional settings, keeping a record of interactions can be invaluable. Detailed documentation can provide evidence of manipulative behavior, which is crucial if you need to address their actions formally.
5. Educate Yourself:
Understanding the traits and tactics of Malignant Narcissists can help you recognize the signs early and take proactive steps to protect yourself. Knowledge empowers you to respond effectively to their manipulation.
Final thoughts
Whether Overt or Covert, Malignant Narcissists are master manipulators who can wreak havoc in personal and professional relationships. By understanding their traits and tactics, you can arm yourself with the knowledge and strategies needed to protect yourself and reclaim some peace of mind.
Recognizing and dealing with Malignant Narcissists is crucial for preserving your emotional well-being because we’re tripping over them everywhere.
Maybe we can educate ourselves and navigate interactions with these challenging folks more effectively. Maybe not.
Remember, while Malignant Narcissists can break your heart, understanding their behavior and implementing effective coping strategies can help you maintain some inner strength and resilience. Afterall, they’re pretty predictable, aren’t they?
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
