The Truth About FOMO: Why It’s Not About Missing the Fun but Missing the Feels
Monday, December 9, 2024.
FOMO—fear of missing out—isn’t just a buzzword; it’s practically a lifestyle in the age of endless social media scrolls. But here’s a plot twist: FOMO isn’t really about the missed rooftop party or that overpriced bottomless brunch.
New research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology reveals that FOMO is more about our fear of missing out on something deeper—those moments that strengthen our bonds with the people who matter most.
This fear stems from anxiety about how our absence might impact our relationships and sense of belonging, even when the event in question isn’t particularly enjoyable.
That’s right: FOMO can strike over something as un-fun as a grueling team-building retreat or an emotional funeral.
What is FOMO Really About?
According to Dr. Jacqueline R. Rifkin of Cornell University, who led this research, FOMO boils down to one core concern: What does missing out say about me and my relationships? It’s not the missed event that haunts us—it’s the idea that others are bonding without us.
In seven experiments with 5,441 participants, the study found that FOMO is most acute when the missed event involves close friends or key social groups.
Even if the event itself is uncomfortable or awkward (trust falls, anyone?), the fear of missing the emotional glue that binds the group can feel overwhelming.
Dr. Rifkin explains, “FOMO isn’t about the fun we’re missing; it’s about the connections people build when they spend time together. This includes bonding over something sad or even tedious.”
How Social Media Fuels FOMO
FOMO loves a good Instagram post. The study highlighted how seeing photos or updates from missed events triggers anxiety about being sidelined socially. It’s the classic grass is greener effect, magnified by curated highlight reels of other people’s lives.
Here’s where it gets interesting: participants tended to overestimate the social fallout of their absence while minimizing the impact when imagining someone else missing the same event. This cognitive bias makes FOMO feel larger than life when we’re the ones left out.
FOMO vs. Regret vs. Ostracism
Not all social anxieties are created equal. Regret is all about wishing you’d experienced something awesome (hello, missed concert). Ostracism deals with active exclusion. But FOMO? It’s anxiety about future consequences—like wondering if skipping that dinner means you’ll miss inside jokes for months.
In other words, FOMO doesn’t just live in the present; it’s a worry about the relational domino effect down the road.
The Surprising Cure for FOMO
Here’s the good news: You can fight FOMO with one simple trick. (No, it’s not quitting social media cold turkey.) The researchers found that reflecting on past moments of belonging significantly reduces FOMO.
When participants paused to think about times they felt deeply connected with others, their FOMO levels dropped. “It’s like a quick mindfulness exercise,” Dr. Rifkin explains. “It reminds you of the strong relationships you already have and offsets the anxiety about missing out.”
This intervention worked better than imagining future connections or taking a third-person perspective. Turns out, remembering real experiences beats hypothetical ones every time.
Why FOMO Matters
While FOMO might seem like a modern plague brought on by Instagram influencers and TikTok trends, it’s actually a deeply human experience. Long before social media, missing a group activity could mean losing your tribe—or, at the very least, feeling left out of critical bonding moments.
The difference now? Social media has made FOMO inescapable. Constant reminders of what you missed can leave you spiraling, questioning your value in your social circles.
Practical Tips to Combat FOMO
Feeling overwhelmed by FOMO? Here’s how to manage it:
Reflect on your wins: Take a moment to think about meaningful past connections.
Limit social media time: Don’t let Instagram curate your emotional state.
Focus on relationships, not events: Remember, it’s not about what you missed; it’s about who you care about.
Moving Forward
This research has profound implications for understanding our social dynamics.
It shows how we can sabotage our well-being by focusing on appearances rather than genuine connection.
As Dr. Rifkin puts it, “Understanding these patterns helps individuals manage their own lives and provides marketers with insights to foster genuine happiness.”
The next time you’re staring at an Instagram post wondering if you’re missing out, remember this: Your value isn’t tied to an event you didn’t attend.
It’s found in the connections you already cherish.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Rifkin, J. R., Chan, C., & Kahn, B. E. (2024). Anxiety about the social consequences of missed group experiences intensifies fear of missing out (FOMO). Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.