The secret of sacrifice and relationship satisfaction…

Tuesday, January 9, 2024. This is for J & R & E, I’ve been thinking a great deal about you 3…you will require some sort of sacrifice… what will it be?

The warp and woof of sacrifice and satisfaction…

• Humans who cave, capitulate, and only make the sacrifice because they feel pressured into it will not only be potentially resentful but, according to this study, they will enjoy far less relational satisfaction.

• Humans who make sacrifices in their relationships because they want to are the partners with the most enduring relationship satisfaction, period.

This is a big deal according to these researchers, they believe that this interplay between sacrifice and satisfaction could help to explain why some relationships are fraught with peril, while others are more forgiving.

Sometimes couples may only appear to be working well together, but the emotional reality underneath tells a different and sadder story.

Dr. Heather Patrick, the study’s first author, said:

“It’s important to understand what makes positive relationships positive and what might undermine positive experiences.”

These findings emerged from a study in which 266 humans of mixed gender documented their own and their partner’s pro-relationship behaviors for two weeks. Similar to measuring the Gottman notion of “small things often.”

• Pro-relationship behaviors can be defined as any sacrifices you make out of specific consideration for your life partner.

• Humans in intimate relationships carried out more of these pro-relationship behaviors because they were highly motivated to feel closer to their life partner, and were more committed and more satisfied.

Final thoughts

One way of looking at Patrick’s research is to see a sort of self-determination bias: A self-motivated person derives more satisfaction in completing a given task, and is more likely to do it well.

However, this seems like it might sometimes also be more of a spiritual, or “Deep Work” process to me.

Sacrifice isn’t always about completing tasks or checking boxes.

Some pro-relationship behaviors are decidedly not a case of “small things often.”

Sometimes it’s a case of a large thing …once.

Be well, stay kind and Godspeed.

RESEARCH:

Patrick H, Knee CR, Canevello A, Lonsbary C. The role of need fulfillment in relationship functioning and well-being: a self-determination theory perspective. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2007 Mar;92(3):434-57. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.92.3.434. PMID: 17352602.