The Sacred Space Between Us: How to Build Spiritual Intimacy in Relationships
Tuesday, October 1, 2024.
It’s easy to lose sight of the deeper connection that nurtures long-term love nowadays—spiritual intimacy.
While emotional support and physical attraction are important, spiritual intimacy is the hidden thread that weaves everything together.
This deep connection creates a "sacred space" between partners, a space filled with mutual understanding, respect, and love that can grow stronger over time.
If you’re looking to create a relationship that’s not just about day-to-day life but also about spiritual growth and deepening your connection, then this post is for you. We’re diving into how to build that sacred space in your relationship and why it can bring more joy, meaning, and love into your life.
Bestowing Attention: The Foundation of Spiritual Intimacy
One of the most overlooked aspects of spiritual intimacy is how we bestow attention upon our partners.
I’m not talking about nodding along while scrolling through Instagram. Bestowing attention is all about being fully present, giving your partner your undivided attention, and tuning in not just to their words but also to their emotions.
Studies by Dr. John Gottman show that couples who practice attunement—that is, really being emotionally in sync—have more satisfying and lasting relationships. Attunement creates the emotional safety that allows spiritual intimacy to flourish.
Here’s how to start: Set aside time each day to check in with your partner without distractions. Ask open-ended questions and listen deeply to what they say, without jumping in to solve their problems. This simple practice can turn everyday conversations into a spiritual connection, strengthening your relationship on a deeper level.
Creating Shared Rituals to Build Spiritual Connection
Rituals aren’t just for Sunday mornings or holiday dinners—they can be small, everyday actions that you and your partner do together to strengthen your bond.
Whether it’s lighting a candle before meals, going for a walk after dinner, or setting aside time for a quick meditation, these rituals create a sense of sacred time and space in your relationship.
Research by Dr. Barbara Fiese shows that rituals help families bond, especially during stressful times.
By incorporating rituals into your relationship, you create a foundation of spiritual connection that holds strong even when life gets tough.
Think about what simple rituals you can introduce. Maybe it’s a five-minute gratitude practice before bed or reading a meaningful passage together in the morning. These small moments can make a big difference in your spiritual intimacy.
Holding Space for Each Other’s Growth
In every relationship, both partners grow and change over time.
Spiritual intimacy comes from creating a safe space where you and your partner can explore personal growth without judgment or fear.
This means holding space for each other’s dreams, challenges, and even spiritual beliefs, allowing both of you to evolve within the relationship.
Richard Rohr, a renowned spiritual teacher, talks about relationships as one of the key spaces where we can learn about ourselves and grow spiritually. It’s in these relationships that we can safely explore who we are, knowing that we are fully accepted and loved.
A great way to hold space for each other is by scheduling regular "growth check-ins," where you talk about your individual goals, dreams, or even spiritual questions. This helps foster a deeper level of emotional and spiritual support.
Turning Conflict Into Spiritual Growth
Here’s a truth that’s hard to hear: Conflict is inevitable in relationships. But what if you could transform it into something that brings you closer together? When handled mindfully, conflict can actually deepen your spiritual connection.
Dr. Sue Johnson’s research on Emotionally Focused Therapy shows that conflicts are often about unmet emotional needs.
Approach disagreements with empathy and curiosity, rather than defensiveness, then you might create an opportunity for spiritual growth. Instead of viewing conflict as something negative, think of it as a tool for understanding your partner’s deeper needs and desires.
Try this: The next time you’re in a disagreement, pause and take a breath before responding. Speak from your own feelings ("I feel" statements) rather than blaming your partner, and focus on understanding where they’re coming from. This mindful approach to conflict helps keep the sacred space between you intact, even during tough conversations.
Sharing Spiritual Practices as a Couple
One of the most powerful ways to build spiritual intimacy is through shared spiritual practices.
Whether it’s meditation, prayer, yoga, or even practicing gratitude, engaging in these activities together helps you stay emotionally connected while aligning with something greater than yourselves.
Dr. Kenneth Pargament’s research on spirituality in relationships highlights that couples who engage in spiritual practices together report greater satisfaction and resilience. These practices create moments where you both slow down, tune in, and connect not only with each other but also with your higher selves.
Think about what resonates with both of you. You might enjoy starting the day with a short meditation session or ending it with a moment of gratitude. It doesn’t have to be complicated—the key is consistency and shared intention.
Gratitude: The Secret to Deepening Your Spiritual Bond
Gratitude is one of the easiest ways to strengthen your connection, yet it’s often overlooked in relationships. Expressing gratitude daily—whether it’s for small things like doing the dishes or for deeper emotional support—creates an ongoing cycle of appreciation that reinforces your spiritual bond.
Dr. Robert Emmons, a leading researcher on gratitude, found that people who practice gratitude consistently experience higher levels of joy and satisfaction in their relationships. By regularly acknowledging and appreciating each other, you deepen your connection and foster spiritual intimacy.
Try starting a "gratitude journal" together, where each of you writes down one thing you’re thankful for in the other person every day. This simple act of appreciation can lead to big shifts in how connected and supported you feel in your relationship.
Wrapping It Up: The Lifelong Practice of Building Spiritual Intimacy
Creating a sacred space in your relationship isn’t a one-time thing—it’s a lifelong practice. It takes mindfulness, patience, and a commitment to growing both individually and as a couple.
Whether through mindful listening, shared rituals, or practicing gratitude, the spiritual intimacy you build will become the foundation that sustains you through life’s ups and downs.
Remember, the sacred space between you and your partner is where true love grows. By nurturing this space, you’re not only enhancing your relationship but also enriching your own spiritual journey.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2017). The Science of Couples and Family Therapy: Behind the Scenes at the "Love Lab." Routledge.
Fiese, B. H. (2006). Family Routines and Rituals. Yale University Press.
Rohr, R. (2013). The Immortal Diamond: The Search for Our True Self. Jossey-Bass.
Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown Spark.
Pargament, K. I. (1997). The Psychology of Religion and Coping: Theory, Research, Practice. Guilford Press.
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2004). The Psychology of Gratitude. Oxford University Press.