The Power of Shared Reality in Romantic Relationships
Thursday, January 30, 2025.
Love is often described as a journey—a shared path where two people navigate life’s uncertainties together. But beyond emotional closeness, new research highlights another vital function of romantic relationships: they help us make sense of the world.
A recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology reveals that shared reality with a romantic partner can reduce uncertainty and deepen our sense of meaning in life.
When couples cultivate a mutual understanding of their experiences, their bond strengthens, but more importantly, they develop a clearer perspective on life.
This research sheds light on an often-overlooked aspect of relationships—how they help us build a shared framework for interpreting the world, reducing confusion, and fostering purpose.
Relationships as a Source of Meaning and Certainty
For years, researchers have explored how folks find meaning in life through personal achievements, values, and goals.
However, this study shifts the focus to relationships, revealing how interpersonal connections shape our understanding of the world.
While love is often studied for its emotional and psychological benefits—providing belonging, security, and support—this research highlights its epistemic function: the way romantic relationships help us process information and reduce ambiguity.
Lead author Dr. M. Catalina Enestrom, a postdoctoral researcher at IESE Business School, was personally inspired to study shared reality after experiencing the way her own relationships shaped her evolving worldview.
“I’ve always believed that one of the core purposes of our relationships is to help us make sense of the world,” Enestrom explained.
“This became evident to me when I left for university—my new experiences and perspectives began to create a gap between me and my friends back home, as they could no longer help me understand the new aspects of my university life.”
Her research team conducted five distinct studies using surveys, longitudinal data, and experimental designs to explore the role of shared reality in reducing uncertainty and enhancing life’s meaning.
Study 1: When Couples Are “On the Same Page,” Life Feels More Meaningful
In the first study, 103 romantic couples participated in a lab-based experiment where one partner shared their personal fears, while the other responded naturally. Researchers observed behaviors such as agreement, validation, and even finishing each other’s sentences—hallmarks of a strong shared reality.
Findings showed that couples who felt more aligned in their perspectives reported higher levels of meaning in life, even after accounting for relationship satisfaction. This suggests that feeling understood and seeing the world through a shared lens contributes uniquely to personal fulfillment.
Study 2: Finding Certainty in Uncertain Times
The second study focused on a particularly challenging sociopolitical event: the aftermath of George Floyd’s murder. Researchers surveyed 190 Black Americans in romantic relationships—including both intraracial and interracial couples—to explore how shared reality affected their experiences of uncertainty and meaning.
Participants who shared a strong mutual understanding about racism and social justice issues with their partners reported less uncertainty and a greater sense of purpose. Interestingly, there were no significant differences between intraracial and interracial couples, reinforcing the idea that shared reality is built through communication and trust, not just shared backgrounds.
“My earlier interests were focused on how partners’ different life experiences might inhibit shared reality,” Enestrom noted. “To my surprise and delight, there were no differences in shared reality between intraracial and interracial couples. These findings suggest that even when partners come from different backgrounds, they can successfully create a shared understanding of the world together.”
Study 3: Shared Reality and Meaning in Work During the COVID-19 Crisis
The third study examined how shared reality extends beyond personal matters into professional life, particularly in times of crisis. Researchers surveyed 155 frontline healthcare workers at the height of the COVID-19 pandemic—a period of extreme stress and uncertainty.
Results showed that healthcare workers who shared a strong reality with their romantic partner experienced lower uncertainty about their work over time.
This, in turn, was associated with a stronger sense of meaning in their professional roles.
Having a partner who understands your struggles and perspectives, even in a demanding work environment, can create a sense of stability and resilience.
Studies 4 & 5: Testing the Effects of Shared Reality
To establish causality, researchers designed two additional experiments:
In Study 4, participants recalled either a high or low shared reality moment with their partner. Those who recalled a strong shared reality reported lower uncertainty and greater meaning in life.
Study 5 presented participants with a fictional couple discussing a book. The “high shared reality” couple (who finished each other’s sentences and agreed on key points) was perceived as experiencing less uncertainty and greater meaning in their conversation.
Together, these findings confirmed that shared reality is more than just a byproduct of relationship satisfaction—it actively shapes our ability to make sense of the world.
Why Shared Reality Matters in Love and Life
Dr. Enestrom believes this research highlights why investing in close relationships is crucial for emotional well-being.
“We invest significant time and energy in our relationships, and this research shows why that effort matters,” she explained. “Close relationships, especially with romantic partners, help us make sense of the world and provide a sense of purpose. Building and nurturing these connections is key to navigating uncertainty and creating meaning in our lives.”
The findings also suggest that meaning is not just an individual pursuit—it is co-created in relationships. When couples develop a shared understanding, they navigate challenges with greater confidence and purpose.
Implications for Couples and Future Research
While shared reality has clear benefits, researchers are curious about its potential limitations. Are there situations where differing perspectives might be more beneficial, such as in professional or creative settings? Could too much shared reality make partners too dependent on each other’s viewpoints?
“My long-term goal is to explore how shared reality helps people reduce uncertainty and find meaning across different types of relationships and contexts,” Enestrom said.
Future studies may examine how shared reality operates in friendships, family bonds, and even workplace relationships.
Strengthening Shared Reality in Your Relationship
If you want to build a stronger shared reality with your partner, consider these strategies:
Communicate Openly. Express your thoughts, feelings, and perspectives to help your partner understand your worldview.
Validate Each Ether’s Experiences. Even when you don’t fully agree, acknowledging your partner’s emotions fosters connection.
Share New Experiences. Engaging in activities together—whether reading the same book, traveling, or discussing social issues—helps shape a mutual understanding of the world.
Be Curious About Each Other’s Perspectives. Asking thoughtful questions deepens shared meaning and reduces uncertainty.
At its core, shared reality is about feeling seen, understood, and connected—not just emotionally, but in the way you interpret life’s joys and challenges.
Final Thoughts
This research underscores something deeply human: we are not meant to navigate the world alone.
Love, at its best, is not just about companionship—it is about co-creating a world together.
When partners develop a shared reality, they not only strengthen their relationship but also cultivate a deeper, more meaningful understanding of life itself.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Enestrom, M. C., Rossignac-Milon, M., Forest, A. L., & Lydon, J. E. (2024). Meaning-making with romantic partners: Shared reality promotes meaning in life by reducing uncertainty. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Sullivan, K. T., & Davila, J. (2010). Support processes in close relationships: An attachment perspective. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 27(1), 5-19. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407509346592
Lemay, E. P., & Clark, M. S. (2008). “Walking on eggshells”: How expressing relationship insecurities perpetuates them. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(2), 420-437. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.95.2.420