The math of loneliness…

Thursday, December 7, 2023. This is for everyone who feels an obligation to feel lonely…

Researchers are teasing out why, for many humans merely being alone does not necessarily mean feeling lonely. We’re learning new things about being alone.

A recent study suggests that humans most often start to feel lonely once they spend about 75% of their time in solitude.

Researchers advise that for most humans, it becomes very difficult to avoid aloneness becoming a feeling of loneliness when you spend more than three-quarters of your existence alone.

.These research findings suggest that for many humans, merely being alone does not necessarily mean feeling lonely. But your mileage may definitely vary.

For older adults, though, that is precisely what it means, said Professor David Sbarra, from the University of Arizona, and a co-author of this study:

“Among adults 68 years and older, we found that loneliness is strongly connected with being socially isolated.

We are learning more and more about the importance of social connections for human health, and it appears that loneliness and isolation are related but distinct concepts.”

How the study was conducted

This research used a smartphone to track the study subject’s daily social activity.

The app worked by recording the ambient sounds from the phones of 400 humans for 30 seconds every 12 minutes.

This was a clever way for these researchers to study their everyday behaviors.

Professor Sbarra said:

“For instance, we know if the person is on the phone, if they are driving, watching television or if they are interacting with a partner or a stranger.”

• The study found that, on average, people were alone 66% of the time.

• Being alone for 75% of the time, however, was linked to the strongest feelings of loneliness.

• Here’s what I find most interesting… there was only a 3% overlap between aloneness and loneliness.

• This suggests that, for most humans, there is a narrow dividing line between a feeling of comfortable aloneness and distressing loneliness.

Young vs. old

• When the researchers compared young and old humans, though, they uncovered a curious distinction.

• Young humans could as easily feel just as lonely when they were in a crowd, as when they were actually alone.

• For those humans over 68-years-old, curiously, being with other humans (or not) was much more tightly linked to loneliness (or a lack thereof).

• In other words, older humans experienced a greater overlap between aloneness and loneliness — about 25%, according to the research findings.

• Being with other humans and socializing, is clearly the best remedy for loneliness in older humans.

SocialBit

The researchers are now working on a new app that will prompt people to be more social when they are falling behind.

Like the Fitbit activity tracker which alerts users to sedentary behaviors, the ‘SocialBit’ will alert users to being alone for too long.

Professor Matthias Mehl, study co-author, said:

“In order to facilitate more social connection, we first need to be able to measure it well.

Methods like SocialBit can tell people, ‘You’ve been solitary for too long. It’s time to try to have a conversation.'”

Final thoughts

I believe this research is vital, perhaps for a surprising reason. I’ve heard my colleagues occasionally pathologize solitude to such an extent, that I’ve become concerned that we might be overdoing it as a community of practice.

The hard math of this study is both refreshing and thought provoking.

However, I think a real utility of this app might be for the neurodiverse.

They might appreciate a prompt that somehow checks, or helps maintain their bandwidth. The methodology of this app might be readily adaptable for this specific function.

In other words, I’m a bit skeptical that most neurotypical humans would see the benefit from being prompted to seek out human companionship.

However, perhaps the best use of this app might be to mitigate partner loneliness with ND couples. I’ll be discussing my ideas with the folks at SocialBit, and I’ll update you in a future post.

The University of Arizona, BTW, continues to do wonderful research on loneliness and relationship science. I’m grateful for their research focus, and the precision of their findings.

Be well, stay kind, and Godspeed.

RESEARCH:

Alexander F. Danvers, Liliane D. Efinger, Matthias R. Mehl, Peter J. Helm, Charles L. Raison, Angelina J. Polsinelli, Suzanne A. Moseley, David A. Sbarra, Loneliness and time alone in everyday life: A descriptive-exploratory study of subjective and objective social isolation, Journal of Research in Personality, Volume 107, 2023, 104426, ISSN 0092-6566, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2023.104426.