The Manipulated Man: A Review of Esther Vilar’s Provocative 1971 Book

Sunday, August 18, 2024.

Esther Vilar’s 1971 book The Manipulated Man remains one of the most controversial works of “feminist” literature, challenging the status quo with a perspective that flips traditional gender roles on their head.

But her ideas are far from friendly to feminists.

As a science-based couples therapist, I approach this text with a critical eye, considering the impact of Vilar’s ideas on relationships, gender dynamics, and the broader cultural context.

Esther Vilar: A Complex Figure in Gender Discourse

Esther Vilar, born on September 16, 1935, in Buenos Aires, Argentina, to German-Jewish immigrant parents, is a complicated figure in the world of literature and gender discourse. Initially trained as a medical doctor, Vilar studied at the University of Buenos Aires, where she completed her medical degree in the early 1960s. However, she quickly transitioned to writing, a field where she felt she could have a broader impact.

Vilar’s transition from medicine to writing was not merely a career shift but also a reflection of her deep interest in human behavior, particularly in the context of social and gender dynamics.

Her controversial book The Manipulated Man (1971) became a global sensation, was translated into multiple languages, and sparked debates that continue to this day.

Despite the popularity of her work, Vilar faced severe backlash, particularly from feminist groups who accused her of undermining the feminist movement. She received death threats and was even physically attacked, leading her to live a relatively reclusive life after the publication of the book.

Beyond The Manipulated Man, Vilar wrote several other books, including The Polygamous Sex (1976), which explores similar themes of gender relations but from a different angle. She also ventured into playwriting, with works like The Valet (1980), which was performed in various theaters across Europe.

Vilar’s writing style is characterized by its directness and the controversial nature of her claims.

She often presented herself as a provocateur, challenging societal norms and encouraging readers to question established beliefs about gender and relationships.

Her work, though contentious, continues to be discussed more in popular than academic circles, making her an early and curious figure in the ongoing discourse on gender.

The Premise of The Manipulated Man

Vilar’s central thesis in The Manipulated Man is that women, contrary to the commonly held belief that they are the oppressed gender, actually wield significant power over men by manipulating them into fulfilling societal roles that benefit women.

According to Vilar, men are conditioned from a young age to be providers, protectors, and caretakers. At the same time, women exploit these roles for their own gain, often without the men realizing it.

She argues that women manipulate men into providing financial security, status, and protection, while women offer minimal reciprocation. This idea is still robustly embraced in popular circles.

Vilar controversially suggests that men are the truly oppressed gender, trapped by societal expectations and female manipulation into a life of servitude.

Analysis: A Couples Therapist’s Perspective

As a couples therapist, I find Vilar’s arguments both fascinating and problematic.

Her critique of gender roles touches on real issues within relationships, such as the imbalance of emotional labor, financial dependency, and societal expectations. However, her framing of women as manipulative and men as hapless victims oversimplifies complex interpersonal dynamics and perpetuates a reductive view of gender relations.

In therapeutic settings, it’s essential to recognize that both men and women can fall into unhealthy patterns of behavior, including manipulation. However, these behaviors are often rooted in deeper psychological issues, such as insecurity, fear of abandonment, childhood trauma, or low self-worth.

Vilar’s approach, which positions manipulation as a deliberate and calculated strategy by women, ignores the nuanced reasons behind these behaviors and risks reinforcing negative stereotypes.

In other words, from a science-based perspective, she was kind of a mean-spirited, attention-seeking gadfly to the second-wave feminists.

The Legacy of The Manipulated Man

Vilar’s ideas have left a lasting impact on discussions of gender relations, particularly within the realm of anti-feminism and men’s rights activism.

Her book has been embraced by some as a bold challenge to feminist ideology, while many others view it as a dangerous and misguided attack on women.

In the decades since its publication, The Manipulated Man has been criticized for its lack of empirical evidence and reliance on anecdotal observations. Modern gender studies and psychology have provided more nuanced understandings of the power dynamics within relationships, acknowledging the complexities of both male and female experiences.

However, the book’s enduring popularity suggests that it resonates with a significant audience, particularly men who feel disenfranchised by contemporary gender discourse.

For this reason, it remains a valuable text for understanding the evolution of gender politics and the persistent tensions between traditional and progressive views on gender roles.

In other words, the fact that she had these ideas in 1971 is more interesting than the ideas themselves because they were presented in such a polemic. Vilar was an early troll of feminism, and that fact alone makes her a curious and complicated figure in gender studies.

A Science-Based Critique

From a science-based perspective, Vilar’s arguments can be seen as an early foray into questioning gender norms. However, they clearly lack the rigor and empathy found in more contemporary analyses.

Her portrayal of men as universally oppressed by women is contradicted by a wealth of psychological research that highlights the reciprocal nature of power dynamics in relationships.

For example, studies on emotional labor demonstrate that both men and women can engage in manipulation, but these behaviors are often unconscious and rooted in broader societal pressures. Furthermore, the idea that men are uniformly manipulated ignores the agency that men have in relationships and the ways in which they can also perpetuate harmful gender norms.

But she got one thing right. We now have a much deeper appreciation for the depth of manipulation some women project.

Final thoughts

The Manipulated Man is a provocative text that challenges readers to reconsider traditional narratives about gender and power.

While it offers a perspective that can be valuable for understanding certain dynamics in relationships, it is essential to approach Vilar’s work with a critical mind.

As a couples therapist, I would advise readers to view the book as a starting point for deeper exploration rather than a definitive guide to understanding gender relations.

Vilar’s legacy is complex.

She dared to question the status quo at a time when feminist discourse was gaining momentum, and in doing so, she opened the door to discussions that remain relevant today.

However, her conclusions are often oversimplified and do not fully account for the intricacies of human behavior and the evolving nature of gender roles.

For those wonky enough to explore these themes further, I recommend balancing Vilar’s work with contemporary research on gender, power, and relationships. This approach will provide a more comprehensive understanding of the issues at play and help foster healthier, more equitable relationships.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Vilar, E. (1971). The Manipulated Man. London, UK: Pinter & Martin.

Vilar, E. (1976). The Polygamous Sex. London, UK: Pinter & Martin.

Vilar, E. (1980). The Valet [Play]. Various Performances.

Baker, P. (2008). Misogyny: The Male Malady. Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press.

Connell, R. W. (2005). Masculinities (2nd ed.). Berkeley, CA: University of California Press

Hochschild, A. R. (2012). The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling (Updated ed.). Berkeley, CA: University of California Press.

Hooks, b. (2000). Feminism Is for Everybody: Passionate Politics. Cambridge, MA: South End Press.

Kimmel, M. S. (2017). Angry White Men: American Masculinity at the End of an Era. New York, NY: Nation Books.

Tarrant, S. (2009). Men and Feminism. Berkeley, CA: Seal Press.